Reason #224 Why I Hate America

The Kardashian/Laker-Guy wedding.

Why, for the love of FUCK, do people give two shits about these douche-bags getting married?

I mean, imagine if aliens landed on the planet, and asked you to explain to them why this was worthy of people paying attention.

“Well, cuz that Kardashian skank is famous”

“Famous for what?”

“Her brain-dead sister had sex with a guy named Ray-J and they taped it. And it got out”

“She’s famous for having sex on tape? Why?”

“Exactly”

“Why is Ray-J famous?”

“His sister is a quasi-famous actress and singer. Ray-J says he’s a singer, but not ONE person could name you one of his songs”

“So, two people, both idiots, had sex on tape and now we care when their really vapid and stupid siblings get married?”

“Well, her sister is also friends of Paris Hilton. So, she’s also famous by association.”

“Why is Paris famous?”

“She had sex on tape”

“Do you think we aliens will be a big news deal?”

“…..if you have sex on tape”

SERIOUSLY. That’s how it would go. This country makes me so fucking sick for giving an ounce of piss about any of this. These girls should be amidst their birth right. Floating through life completely asinine and dull while pumping out kids so she won’t have to work for a living.

It is seriously the craziest thing if you think about it. People care about this chunk of playdough getting married because her sister had sex and video taped it! It blows the f’ning mind!

Speaking of worthless lumps of flesh, that anti-boner of a speed-bump Kristen Cavilari and her amazingly even dumber husband, Spencer Cavilari have actually done something that makes me applaud them. Well, actually it was just Spencer. No, he didn’t kill Kristen and then himself, instead he spoke about how he NEVER wants to have children. Isn’t that fucking AWESOME?! Prayer works, and at least one pair of walking Astro-Glide tubes will not punish this world by having off-spring.

We all know that Kardashian bitch who got married is gonna squirt out a kid real soon, because that marriage will last about 2 months, and since she’s absolutely worthless she knows she can only leech off her rich family for so long, she’s gonna need a paycheck. So, that kid’ll be one.

Then, once that well dries up, the kid will have sex on tape and become President, and the circle of life will continue.

Excuse me while my blood pressure soars to new heights and launches my head a billion feet into the air.

With any luck, it’ll destroy a Hilton or Kardashian.

– Caliber

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~ by Caliber Winfield on September 30, 2009.

5 Responses to “Reason #224 Why I Hate America”

  1. I don’t think the Kardashians and Hiltons of the world are nearly as much of a problem (they’re millionaire princesses living off daddy’s paycheck in Hollywood, what can you expect?) as the people feeding this bullshit and continuing to pay it any attention whatsoever. Even you and I, who would supposedly be more enlightened, are talking about it, thus keeping these stories– Kardashian marries Laker guy!– alive in our own way. It’s like we’re living in some weird hell.

  2. I know, it’s fucking sick, isn’t it?

    I had no cable for 2 years, and was pretty happy. We got cable, and all of a sudden I felt like my blood pressure was going to shoot through the top of my head.

    But, you are right.

    Which is why I say I hate America, because we breed, and feed these types. If the bacteria have nothing to live off, they’ll die. But in this country, it’s the most perfect environment in the world.

  3. Aye. I’ve found a positive about America, though. For a college student living in a major college town, the Friday night before a big football game.. you can drunkenly go downtown and pretty easily find a decent looking girl or two to feel up before bedtime.

    Beyond that, this place can rot. That’s why I’m planning to take my college degree next year and go abroad for as long as I can~~

    And now off to downtown.

  4. …oh, but not before a last comment.

    This whole Kardashian/Odom wedding gives me yet another reason to wish that my most hated Lakers team dies a slow, gruesome, humiliating death this year.

  5. I hear you, Cactus, I hear you.

    It’s a dream of mine to live in Canada, or England. You know, a place where people actually look out for one another, and we don’t have to survive on the Republican Health Care plan of ‘don’t get sick’.

    I had friends in college, and yes, I know what you speak of. I’d head down for the game weekends, and it was easily some of the most fun I’ve ever had. Drinking for breakfast? Why not.

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