Bloody Good Show – Top 5 Greatest Zombie Movies

The guy who did this no doubt uses steak as breath mints

The guy who did this no doubt uses steak as breath mints, as he's that burly.

Welcome, one and all to another rousing rendition of a Bloody Good Show. Since it’s the greatest time of the year,  peeps are always mobbing on the horror movies and the such. I’m often asked what’s the best of this, or the best of that, so in the next couple days you’ll get an ear full of what’s worth it, and what should be used to bash over the fat head of Khloe Kardashian.

zambosss

LivingDeadPoster2Director: Tom Savini
Released: October 19th, 1990

Damn yous! Damn you all to heeeelllll!!: We all know of the classic version from 1968. But what we don’t know, is the color version from 1990, is a lot better. From the acting, to the drama, tension, and awesomely the gore. The beginning is one of the best in all of horror. Got yourself a couple of people, getting their nerd on in a cemetery when TADOW! One pissed off zombie comes from out of no where to introduce the colon-crushing side of his shoe on this dude. The guy, being a total pussy, dies, where as someone like Stallone would have bit the zombie and infected HIS ass. With what, I dunno. But the zombie, although all-man, wouldn’t be burly enough to handle whatever Stallone gave him. Unless it was a zombie of Arnold or something. But we can leave those discussions for the scholars and scientists. Anyways, this is an awesome remake, waste no time getting to the good stuff, and gives you your money’s worth and then some.
Rating: * * * *

DOTDDirector: Zack Snyder
Released: March 19th, 2004

Get down with the sickness: I’m sure a lot of horror fans will scoff, as any true nerd does when someone prefers a remake to the original. Look, I love the ’78 Dawn of the Dead, it’s amazing. But for pure scare, and down-right awesomeness, I have to go with this one. There’s more characters, more action, and the zombies aren’t blue. That was always my biggest problem with the original Dawn for a while. I hated the fact that the zombies were blue. But they got all types in this one, plus they run and are just pure instinct. Kids get thrown around, zombie babies get shot, fat women get fire-pokers through the skull. What the HELL else could you want?
Rating: * * * * 1/2th

day_of_the_dead_ver2Director: Steve Miner
Released: April 8th, 2008

He’s a vegetarian: Look, the original is an awesome movie, but c’mon, doesn’t anyone get a little bored at times? It’s a pinch thick in the middle, and I feel it drags. Sure, once it gets to zombie time, it’s incredible, but it’s a bit muddy at parts. This one, I heard a lot of bad reviews for, and to be honest, I can’t see why. It’s so much goddamn fun. It’s nothing like the original, so I’m not sure why they even bothered with the name. But, regardless. These are probably the meanest zombies on film, with some being able to scale walls and such. People complain about it, but who the fuck cares? It makes the threat that much greater. I love how the disease makes you look decomposed immediately, that was a nice touch. All the actors did their damn job just fine, and the only gripe I have is Nick Cannon. That guy is corny as you can get, and him trying to act all “hard” made me twitch in my seat because I wanted to back hand that low-rent Carrot Top. But besides him, no complaints. One film you must see.
Rating: * * * * 1/2th

SOTDDirector: Edgar Wright
Released: April 9th, 2004

He’s gotta arm off!: It’s Shaun of the Dead. If you need an explanation, take your balls out of your pretty pink purse, re-attach them, and then have someone kick you in them. An unbelievably incredible movie.
Rating: * * * * *

Diary2Director: George A. Romero
Released: March 7th, 2008

Dead things don’t run: How on Earth people hate this movie is beyond me. I chalk it up to stupid. Because, if you don’t agree with me, you’re wrong. This movie was so awesome because every single zombie flick that had been coming out since the first Night of the Living Dead has just been trying to take it higher, and higher, and higher. More zombies. More effects. More deaths. But this one, it stripped it allll back down and made it simple. Simple and beautiful. Now, I dig Blair Witch and Cloverfield, but I didn’t want to see another POV film. But this one doesn’t even seem like that. There’s little to no running around, it’s never shaky, it’s done with professional cameras, and looks great. The zombies are the classic shamblers. We don’t have any of the digital effects we’ve come to see in zombie flicks as of late, but just some awesome organic shit. There was no over-blown plot or anything, it was just some simple “What the fuck are we going to do?”. It took us around to see what the world was doing at the beginning of the end, and no other flick had done that. It was ‘shit happens’, ‘people hunker down’ ‘end movie’. Everything is just incredible about this movie, and I urge you to check it out and fuck the nay-sayers.
Rating: * * * * *

Welp kids, that does it for now. Check in soon and I’ll give you the low-down on the best vamp movies to get your going on with. Till then, hollar at cha’ boy with your fav zambo flicks…

– Caliber

Advertisements

~ by Caliber Winfield on October 18, 2009.

5 Responses to “Bloody Good Show – Top 5 Greatest Zombie Movies”

  1. Ah come on, 4 of Romero’s zombie movies, 3 of which are the remakes? I will give you the Night of the Living Dead choice, however. That is a damn good movie. The Dawn of the Dead remake was awful, however.

    I won’t assume anything about you, but I will say that if Romero’s first 3 zombie movies were some of the first real horror movie’s you’d seen (as they were for me), and if you’d never seen stuff that intense and gory before it (as I think most of the audiences at the time did, simply because nothing like that had ever been made), I have to believe you’d NEVER short change them like this.

    I’ll definitely have to check out the Day of the Dead remake. The original wasn’t nearly as good as the first 2 films, and I can see how a remake could be an improvement. Keep up the good lists! Everyone likes this sort of shit, as it is good material for discussion I guess.

  2. I’m 26, and I started watching horror when I was about 6, or 7. My mom would let me watch the Friday The 13th series on TV, because they were edited. There weren’t many zombie movies to be bad before the 2000’s so my first taste was the Night of the Living Dead remake. And I watched Dawn of the Dead at one point, but to be honest, I really didn’t like it. The blue zombies were laughable to me, they looked so stupid. Plus, the orange blood made it all look so corny.

    But as I got older, and smarter, I started to love all of Romero’s zombie movies.

    And although running zombies are blasphemous to most people, I feel they create a more intense film. Like in the NOTLD remake, Barbra just walks around shooting them if they get close. You can’t do that with the running kind, so it creates a very real urgency.

    I’m looking very forward to Romero’s Survival of the Dead, and I need to see Zombieland with the quickness.

    Thanks for reading, and the kind words, I appreciate it.

  3. Ah well we are the same age, with a similar upbringing in terms of the edited Friday the 13th movies (I loved going to my relatives’ houses, because unlike us they had USA network, and I could always watch those movies there).

    Ditto on Zombieland, I’ll be checking that one out soon. I had never heard of “Survival of the Dead,” but that’s awesome. I’m glad Romero embraces the Dead series all these years later.

    On a slightly related note, this is the first time I’ve been excited about a non-Danzig Misfits release…
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Land_of_the_Dead_(song)

  4. I love zombie movies but have to whole heartedly disagree with your top 5 especially with the 2008 Day of the Dead and Diary of the Dead. But hey it’s a free country and you’re entitled to your opinion. By the way Zombieland was great! Here’s my top 5.

    5. Shaun of the Dead
    4. Dead Snow
    3. Evil Dead
    2. Braindead (aka Dead Alive
    1. Night of the Living Dead (1968)

  5. Dead Snow, that’s recent, correct? I’ve heard a little about it.

    Evil Dead, I know, to most movie folks I’ll seem a joke, but I don’t like the Evil Dead movies. Army of Darkness is great, Evil Dead 1 is bleh, and two is so stupid. I just can’t get into it.

    Braindead was too over the top for me. It was decent. But too over the top.

    Night of the Living Dead ’68, I cannot stand. The acting is shotty, I don’t really dig the zombies, and…I don’t know, I just don’t like it.

    But thanks for offering up your list, I’ll have to check out Dead Snow.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: