Top 5 Horror Sequels That Surpass The Originals
Ooh the sequel. Some say the bane of the horror industry. I can’t really argue with that. So many of our favorite horror icons have been raped over, and over again for the sake of another buck. Unfortunately, they always churn out money, too. Making way for yet another picture. In most cases, the sequels are often inferior. They’re rushed, with poor scripts, poor acting and effects. However, a great sequel is like Charlie getting that golden ticket. You run the streets, and get your bed ridden grandpa up outta bed to dance. Seriously, what the FUCK was up with that? That old geezer would have had so many goddamn bed sores, and been so incapable of doing anything that Charlie would have picked him up, the old fuck would have just snapped right in half and what was left standing would have sprayed shit all over the place.
Where was I? Right…so, in celebration of the awesome sequels, we’re going to countdown the Top 5 that have not just kicked ass, but in fact been BETTER than there predecessors. Dig it.
Director: James Cameron
Released: July 18th, 1986
Get away from her, you bitch: Goddamn, is this movie good. It’s like this, a rescue team is sent out to, well, rescue. However, they get their colons nuked by a bunch of bad-ass aliens. But the one thing the aliens didn’t think of, was Ripley. You see, Ripley has this power, of being SO INCREDIBLY ANTI-SEXY, in every way possible, that the Aliens can’t handle that shit and get their penis-heads all sorts of messed up. It’s an awesome movie, that although doesn’t have the inventiveness and suspense of the first, makes up for it in action, gore, and straight up awesomeness. Oh, and an annoying kid almost getting killed, and kids almost getting wacked rules. So, thank Riley for having the power to give such anti-boners that she disabled the enemy.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2
Director: Tobe Hooper
Released: August 22nd, 1986
You have one choice, boy: sex or the saw. Sex is, well, nobody knows. But the saw, the saw is family: Yeah, the original is ground breaking and such. But honestly, I could go my whole life and never watch it again. For me, it’s one of those you have to see, at least a couple times, but after that, it can go in the archives. Part 2 however, is just full of ass-kickery. It’s got awesome black humor, characters that are leaps and bounds above what was in the first. I mean, it starts with a car chase in which a guy has a dead body strapped to him while he’s wielding a chainsaw! Hell yes! That was the one thing missing from The Godfather, if you ask me. Hell, that’s what’s missing from every movie. Chop Top’s is a bad ass, and any movie that not only mocks The Breakfast Club on their poster, but has a CHAINSAW fight is worthy of a fucking Oscar. This movie will put hair on your chest. Hell, after my ex-girlfriend saw it she looked like Tom Selleck.
Wes Craven’s New Nightmare
Director: Wes Craven
Released: October 14th, 1994
Hey, Dylan. Ever play skin the cat?: Yeah, I know. The first one is all types of bad ass and such. But Heather and the lady playing the mother’s acting is so fucking atrocious I have a hard time getting past it. Serious. I mean, like when the mother is explaining that they mommy killed Freddy, and he’s gone, is so damn horrible I always skip it. Heather is pretty tough to watch through it all as well. But all the other bad-assed shit makes up for it. So, we get this one. Freddy is far more evil and scary looking, Heather’s acting has been stepped up one billionth fold, the script is so damn original. People die, and not only don’t see it coming, but have no idea what’s going on. Sure, Dylan is kind of annoying, but that’s really the only flaw. It’s such a credit to the horror genre. Most people who hate this are just too stupid to get it, plain and simple. But then again, most people in general are just stupid.
Dawn of the Dead
Director: George A. Romero
Released: May 24th, 1979
We got this! We got this by the ass!: Although I believe it to be overrated because the effects really don’t stand up, [see: Blue zombies, orange blood] Dawn of the Dead is fan-fucking-tastic. One of the top 10 zombie movies of all time, it busted motherfuckers right in the nuts when it came out. People hadn’t seen shit like this on the grand scale. I’ve seen it 10 plus times and I could watch it at least once a week for the rest of my life, and I th ink it’s overrrated, so that should tell you how great it is. George dropped Night of the Living Dead in 68, and I’m sure people thought he couldn’t top it. Well, he did, far and beyond what anyone probably thought he was capable of.
Friday The 13th part VI: Jason Lives
Director: Tom McLoughlin
Released: August 1st, 1986
In the books that’s called screwin the pooch!: This is a horror movie that I would call perfect. Sure, I’m a bit biased because I love the Friday The 13th series, and except for the first one, I dig ever entry in the series, but this one kicks the most balls. It’s got a fantastic script, actors, gore, the right amount of humor, and an incredible look. Tom said he got most of his influence from old Universal gothic horror. You can see that from the awesome beginning shots, to the graveyard, and the resurrecting of Jason with lightening. The humor was dead on, while never making fun of Jason. They actually had kids at the camp, which brought it to another level. The kills were just as brutal, if not more than they’d ever been. We had car chases, an RV getting flipped all to shit, and a fight inside a boat surrounded by a lake of fire. If you don’t love this movie, then make sure you don’t lose your balls that are placed high upon your shelf some where.