Helping my dad move
So, today I was helping my dad move from his apartment to another. There were these stupid ass little kids running around, being annoying, as you would expect. Kids in apartments have no respect or smarts because their parents are jack-off dipshits who had the kids by accident and taking care of them puts such a dent in their cool $12,000 a year career that they have to live in slums.
Anyways, this kid got in my way on the 3rd floor, which pissed me off. Even if he hadn’t, I was still pissed. So, I threw him off the balcony.
At this point, his dumbass dad, who was all of 22 years age and about 105lbs came out. He had a really cool caeser hair cut, a gross thin mustache, a really awesome cheap looking silver chain, and a T-Pain t-shirt. He started bitching about me throwing his kid from 50 feet, so I gave him a roundhouse so hard to the head it broke his foot. Naturally, he died from it since he’s such a pussy.
I started laughing so hard I puked. Then this guy’s fucking fat wife comes oozing out, complaining about my laughing was making it hard for her to hear Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I did the splits just like Johnny Cage and punched out her ovaries. That, on top of what I did to her pussy husband made her cry. So, I did what I always do when women cry; I got a boner.
However, I was pissed off because someone might have seen my awesome boner, and thought I got it because I thought she was hot. And she’s the type of woman who’s fat, with long, stringy hair and way too much make-up that push their strollers through the mall with their razor-thin, wannabe-anything but themselves, jack-off husbands. So, because of that I sued her for sexual harassment.
I won the case. Got all of her money, and her apartment. I also received the key to the city for punching out her ovaries and making sure she couldn’t pollute the world with any more fucking kids. I burned down her apartment. Spent the money on steaks [both the kind to eat, and kill vampires with] and and paying Steven Seagal to beat up people.
What an awesome day.