Black to the Future – 90’s

I was born in the 80’s, but my childhood and best memories stem from the 90’s. Plus, starting at 10, I listened to NOTHING…..NOTHING but rap. I wanted to be black so goddamn I couldn’t stand it. I use to put my long, red hair in really crappy cornrows wanting so bad to be Bizzy Bone from Bone Thugs. No fucking joke. So, this special is all about blacks in pop-culture. So, I figured I’d watch, and give my comments, cuz you fucking care. You fucking care.

I pick up at Boyz N The Hood. Ah, man. I had a friend, who use to get drunk at parties and he’d tell these stupid little white girls he wants to fuck about Boyz. And EVERYTIME he’d get to the part where Ricky dies he’d cry. I don’t know if he did it for effect, or if because it really made him sad. I think it might be the latter.

Mary J. Blige…mmm, I dunno. I never got into chick R&B. I wanted to be a black male, I didn’t want to date one. But the song with Method, that sampled the 70’s jam was great. Especially since Method looked so scary in the video.

Living Single? Naaah. Hell, I didn’t even like Martin. I was a Fresh Prince kinda kid. I cried during the last episode. Yes, you can be thug and cry at Fresh Prince.

Bill Bellamy. Man, Fastlane owned the world.

Dude from The Roc. Nah.

Hanging With Mr. Cooper. I got my TGIF on.

Sinband? He was fucking funny I thought.

Tae-Bo. Goddamn, is that really 10 years old? No shit. He was in King of the Kickboxers. HELL YES. Didn’t people really fuck their shit up doing this? I submit they did.

The LA Riots. Black folks showing they aren’t crazy by going crazy. Actually, I don’t blame them one bit. I never saw this shit on the news, the only news I watched was In Living Color.

Erika Badu? Nah. She was too gnarly.

En Vouge? I just remember their come back on the Set It Off soundtrack, cuz Bone was on there.

Joss Stone? no.
YES! YES! In Living Color. Goddammit. That show, along with Married With Children defined my childhood. Haha, I loved the Rick James parody of Misery. Man, how did this only run for 5 years or so? This goddamn thing had it all. You could honestly take all 679 years of SNL, add it up, and it still wouldn’t have more great characters than the 5 years of ILC.

Mmm, we’re going into the 00’s. Sure, I’ll go along. This was the era in which I learned to fucking hate everything.

Speaking of hate….I Am Legend. They had to use computers to make fucking zombies? Are you fucking kidding me? This movie was a big crock of shit. I honestly thought Will Smith was going to be the first black president. No joke. That motherfucker has done it all.

The Williams sisters? Yuck.

Nelly? Man…maybe I shouldn’t watch this. I absolutely hate everything from 2000 and on. Black, White, Hispanic, Asian, if you did, I probably don’t like it. Because you suck at it and that’s pretty much that.

Ugh. Seriously, I can’t watch this. Considering rap was my baby, hence why I became a rapper….no, seriously …and rap got RAPED so badly in the new millennium that I can’t even ID the body.

Tyra Banks…yeah, In the 90’s I had the hugest boner for her. Then she opened her mouth. A LOT. As Jackie on Fresh Prince, I can dig it, but this horseshit, no.

Ah, the 00’s is just a bunch of crap. Time to watch Law & Order: SVU, I hope Elliot drop kicks someone in the nuts in this episode. He’s a real man, so it’s bound to happen.


~ by Caliber Winfield on November 4, 2009.

2 Responses to “Black to the Future – 90’s”

  1. For some reason I knew you had red hair.

  2. Well, I did.

    My sideburns and beard come in red, but everything from the hair on my feet and knuckles, to the hair on my back, chest, and head are brown.

    I was born with blonde hair, it turned red, now it’s brown. *shrugs* perhaps I’m a bomb ass mutant with powers to change hair color. Just my luck, I’m a mutant with the lamest power ever.

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