Are you F’ning Serious? Vol. 1

Wrestling has two sides to it’s entertainment. It’s either incredible action and story telling, or something so unbelievably stupid and inane that you can only stop and ask; “Are you fucking serious?”

For every great moment wrestling has, there’s one that’s equally as bad. Hell, one could argue that there’s more bad than good. So, since you can find highlights of the good all over the place, I’ll take my moments to wonder how the hell some of this stuff ever makes it out of the cocaine fueled mind of it’s creator and onto our TV screens.

This week we’re going to look at what is perhaps the most inane, asinine, and wonderful moment in wrestling;

Robocop saves the Stinger!

It’s May 19th, 1990 and WCW is running their first and only Capital Combat PPV. Things had been looking good for them. They had a great roster of talent, ranging from acts such as Vader, Sting, Sid Vicious, Arn & Ole, and Flair. A little less than a year prior, Flair & Steamboat set the world on fire with a series of 5 star classics. WCW also had what is to be considered the greatest wrestling PPV of all time with The Great American Bash ’89. All of that, and the fact it was known that WCW/nWa had a superior in-ring product over their brothers to the north, should have made it an easy decision on whether or not to have fucking Robocop lend a hand during a match

“Sting has been caged by the Horsemen! But here comes Robocop, Bob!” – Jim Ross

Those words helped to carry the image of the valiant Robocop rushing down the aisle at a cool speed of dickMPH, in order to save Sting from the dreaded 4 Horsemen. The Horsemen, at this moment consisted of Ole & Arn Anderson, and Sid Vicious. They don’t like Sting because he won’t tell them where to get spaghetti-string tank-tops, and pink genie pants just like the ones he’s wearing. Bastard. To look at The Horsemen, you wouldn’t assume that they were brilliant, but their actions soon made sure you knew good and well that they had brains on them. Only a fool would have sat there while Robocop blazed down the aisle in order to make the save on his ol’ buddy Stinger. But, ah ha ha, Robocop. The evil Horsemen still have a trick up their sleeve. The cage needs a key! Ah ha! They won’t give it to—oh GREAT! Robocop just bent the bars and ripped open the cage…OK, who saw that coming? No way, no you didn’t. Man, that really made me glad to have spent money on this PPV, or the ticket I paid to be there live.

Can you fucking believe that’s really what went down? Grown men, grown men with families, who drive cars, who effect people’s lives with the decisions, came up with this idea and just thought “Wow! This HAS to happen! It’s going to make a ton of money!”. Then, they had to tell the wrestlers about this. The Four Horsemen are arguably the greatest heel stable in the history of the business. They’ve beaten up tons of people, proved their toughness time and time again, and then were forced to act like they were afraid of a guy in a plastic costume. It’s laughable. Imagine you showed up for work, and your boss goes:

“OK, today we’re going to have a guy come in dressed up like a SKY-NET Terminator Ecto-skeleton. It’s just Jim from day shift, but you have to act like you’re scared shitless. Oh, and it’d be great if you hit him in the face, but really soft, and act like you broke your hand on the steel. OK, that’s all…”

I’m pretty sure asking a grown man, pro-wrestling or not, to do something like that that isn’t being made for a movie, is borderline rape.

I’d be willing to bet top dollar that if Hogan was around at the time, he would have gone on and on about how stupid and unbelievable the whole Robocop thing is, and that he should be the one to come out and bend the bars. Or, or, Robocop makes the save, but then turns heel on Sting. So, then Hogan runs out, becomes the first person to ever bodyslam a cyborg, and they build up the feud all the way to Starrcade. It’s an hour long Iron Man match, and in the end Hogan wins after ED-209 interferes, and then Robocop’s mask is taken off and it’s reviled to be Ed Leslie. Then, if none of that was possible, he’d play his contract stipulations and demand that he get to play the Robocop that saves Sting, and no, he isn’t going to shave his fu-manchu for the event.

This was seemingly the start in a long line of very, very bad things to come. Herd, Watts, Flair leaving, Luger as champ, Hogan taking over and bringing all of his awesome work-rate buddies.

They wouldn’t really recover until the nWo started up in ’96. But on the bright side, we got 6 years of a lot of really crappy things to look back on. Too bad the Black Scorpion couldn’t make that all disappear.

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~ by Caliber Winfield on November 30, 2009.

3 Responses to “Are you F’ning Serious? Vol. 1”

  1. I’ve purposely ignored WCW pretty much all my life, so I’ve never heard of this, but wow… This is glorious. Bonus points for Sting’s it’s-gotta-be-1990 beach-going outfit. I think this makes a strong argument for getting the Terminator to host RAW one of these days.

  2. Yeah, I was the same way growing up. I loathed WCW. I marked out hard for the nWo and followed WCW almost as much as I did WWE for about 3 years. Then in 2000 or so I stopped watching again.

    But thanks to the internet, all of WCW’s really great ideas get to come roaring back.

    I’m also glad to read you dug the Jericho/HHH HiAC. For the life of me I can’t understand how people don’t really like it, despite the fact that Triple H was in his prime, and Jericho has never been a slouch. Then the same people give a high mark to Taker & Batista, despite the fact there’s seriously only one or two actual wrestling moves during the whole stupid match. Bah.

  3. This was a really bad idea for WCW, not that’s anything new for the WCW right? Although there were some great matches on this PPV they were heavily overshadowed by Robocop. What a company WCW was, always ready to be the butt of the joke. Robocop, PN News, Big Josh, Arachnaman, the list of crap is endless for WCW. All that talent, but so much junk. Sounds like WWE right now.

    Check out my site for recaps of WWE and TNA Shows
    http://nala310.wordpress.com/
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