The Only Review of Inglorious Basterds That You’ll Ever Need

Inglorious Basterds
Director: Quentin Tarantino
Budget: 70 million
Box Office: 120 Million

I wanted a million plus nazis beat to death with bats. I wanted them set on fire, with nothing to comfort them except their screams, and smell of their own burning flesh as they died.

I didn’t get any of that.

I got a fucking long winded, at most times boring, and seemingly  foreign film. I get it, Tarantino writes scenes with a bunch of dialogue, with hip lingo and the all. But, not this time. All the major scenes are like this;

a nazi knows something, or does he? Let’s spend 10 hours blabbing on and on and wait and wait and wait to see if in fact he knows what we think he knows.

That’s fucking it!

They advertised this bad bitch like an awesome, over-the-top action film. If you discount the last scene, which is all of about a minute, we get about 10 nazis killed on screen. Fucking weak, man.

Also, I understand that we’re in France, and or Germany, so they speak their native language, but holy shit. Just have’em speak english man, no one is going to care. When I expect an awesome action movie, I don’t want to sit and read the screen for the whole thing. I’ll do that when I expect it.

Uber-Bad-Ass. Carves up Nazis, and poses as an Itallian while still using his Tennessee accent

If you put my hopes for it aside, it really isn’t that great of a picture. As I said, it’s long winded, a lot of the scenes are pretty much the same thing, and it’s oddly historically inaccurate. But, I can dig that I guess.

If you’re looking for an awesome action flick where the absolute fucking scum of the goddamn Earth get theirs, then this isn’t for you. Watch Shindler’s List, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade, or…I don’t know, another good movie dealing with WWII or the Holocaust.

2 and a half Nazi scalps out of 5

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~ by Caliber Winfield on January 15, 2010.

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