Random Wrasslin: TNA’s Lockdown 2008
Not only am I gonna jive on LockDown 2008, but I’ll discuss which TV show I believe is the best one going. I know, I know, I spoil you, don’t I?
I find LockDown to be a bit of a gift and a curse when it comes to it’s theme. Lethal LockDown is always awesome, and it’s always great to see the World Title fought over in a cage, but having it be the entire PPV really spends up the novelty of it. Plus, they often try and do a lot of gimmicky stuff with it, that always has a million people, and ends up looking sloppy as hell.
Xscape Match for the X-Division Title: Jay Lethal © vs. Johnny Devine vs. Shark Boy vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Curry Man vs. Consequences Creed
Everyone who’s a wrestling fan loves the X-Division. You can always count on them for a great match, and to be over-looked and under-used by TNA. What do you expect, TNA is wrestling’s version of Frankenstein, made up from the dead parts of WCW.
One of the things that sticks out to me about what is wrong with TNA, is that within one match, there’s two guys who are impersonating another wrestler [Jay Lethal & Shark Boy] then in another match we have Petey Williams impersonating Scott Steiner. Yeah, Jay Lethal’s shtick is awesome, and Shark Boy’s Stone Cold thing is funny, but, c’mon.
Anyways, this match is standard X-Division. Incredible spots, fast paced action, and wrestlers working their asses off.
Rating: * * * 1/4th
Queen of the Cage Match: Roxxi vs. The Beautiful People vs. Salinas vs. Rhaka Khan vs. Traci Brooks vs. Christy Hemme vs. Miss Jackie.
Funny, Salinas is a Mexican outlaw/gangster, when a couple months prior she was an English vampire. Rhaka Khan is without a doubt the most worthless woman wrestler EVER.
As the match goes, the first two girls to climb inside of the ring get a singles match then, and whoever wins gets a title shot. Roxxi and Angelina Love are our winners. It’s nothing mind blowing, and Roxxi’s finisher looks neat, but is obviously not lethal in the slightest.
Rating: * 1/2th
BG James vs. Kip James
OK. So, so they’ve been partners & friends for 10 years, and this is the blow off? These two are not that great of wrestlers, and only got over because of their previously awesome gimmick. This match just sucks. It should have been at least 20 minutes, with a ton of blood & weapons. That’s the only way we could hope to get a watchable bout.
Rating: * 1/2th
Cuffed In The Cage Match: Eric Young & Kaz vs. Black Reign & Rellik vs. Motor City Machine Guns vs. Scott Steiner & Petey Williams vs. LAX vs. Rock n’ Rave vs.
This is another fine example of the wrong that TNA does. Do we really need 10 fucking people in the ring at the same time? It’s such a fucking confusing mess. It’d be half decent if they had maybe 3 teams or something.
The object is the last person to not be handcuffed to the cage wins. How fucking stupid.
Before the match begins, we go to the back to see Black Reign & Re…no, I’m calling him Killer. To see Black Reign & Killer beating up Eric Young. As it goes, Eric Young is very afraid of them.
So, Kaz rushes to his aid, but it’s too late. Kaz must face the world alone. Half way through the match, Eric tries to come back, but Black Reign & Kaz face him at the cage, and he’s scared off. So, near the end, Super Eric shows up, and defeats everyone.
Really? How fucking stupid. Then a couple months later we’re suppose to take Eric Young seriously? This was just a mess.
Rating: * *
Gail Kim & ODB vs. Awesome Kong & Raisha Saeed
Wow. I thought Raisha was going to be a train wreck, but she went out there and owned that motherfucker. Kong & Gail Kim were an awesome representative of women wrestling. This match is mighty fine, say I.
Rating: * * *
Intergender Tag-Team Match: Booker T & Sharmell vs. Robert Roode & Payton Banks
MAN. Why the fuck did they have to make this a stupid mixed tag match? This was made out as an awesome blood feud between Roode & Booker. They were tearing it up out there, and out of no where Sharmell gets tagged in and gets a pin. It should have been at least twice as long, and just a straight up match. I’m going to have to go back and try and find some of their other matches, because they were doing quite alright.
Rating: * * 3/4th
Lethal Lockdown Match: Team Cage [Christian Cage, Rhino, Sting, Kevin Nash & Matt Morgan] vs. Team Tomko [Tomko, AJ Styles, Team 3D, & James Storm]
Again, 10 people in a match is just too many. This match is fine, but it could have been better with some of the fat cut. 3 wrestlers per team would have worked out just fine. My other problem with it, is that they repeated the same exact spot from 2006. A guy climbs to the top, points to his head to show how smart he is. We’re lead to believe that this is all on the fly, despite the fact there’s a ladder & table waiting. Despite the problems, it’s still a match worth watching. A lot of great wrestling, peppered with weapons & high spots. The beginning was great too, a clever little ploy from Team Tomko.
Oh, and by the way, am I the only one who finds Tomko’s build to be weird? He’s fatbuff. He has muscle, but he also looks like a flabby bitch.
Rating: * * * 3/4th
TNA World Title Match: Kurt Angle © vs. Samoa Joe
Despite the fact that this is the 5th match between them, despite the fact that Samoa Joe has lost 3 out of the previous 4 matches, despite the fact that TNA has buried Joe pretty deep since his arrival, and despite the fact that his title reign is a year over due; this match kicks fucking ass.
They came at it with a very different style, going full force MMA. They had videos of both men training MMA style, with trainers, and Angle coming out decked out in full MMA attire. It was a bit weird, to be honest, but I’m all about some new shit.
They started the match in an MMA inspired ground-n-pound submission style, and did that for about 5 minutes before the crowd started chanting “We want wrestling”. Hell, I felt the same way.
Once that got under way, we were walking on gold, baby. Joe & Angle give us the same quality match we’d expect from them, but isn’t a photocopy of anything they’ve previously done. My only real complaint is they didn’t make any use of the cage. I was hoping this was going to be a knock-down, drag-out, bloody affair, with Joe finally inching out Angle in blood soaked glory. Wasn’t exactly like that, but what we got was damn near just as good. Awesome, awesome fucking match.
Rating: * * * * 1/2th
All in all, not a bad PPV. We only had about 2 matches that I would protest to having to watch again. TNA needs to nix this PPV, to be honest. They kill the gimmick, and it becomes old news by the main event.
Over-All PPV Rating: * * * *
Along with the PPV, we get a nice bonus match. Not a bonus match like the crap WWE gives you, a 3 minute match from Raw that ends in a DQ.
TNA World Title Match: Samoa Joe © vs. Kurt Angle
Duration: Close to 20 minutes
I’m pretty sure I’ve seen every Joe/Angle match that there is, and I find it’s impossible for those two to disappoint. A couple days prior they went out and gave the people their money’s worth, they didn’t need to come out with a rematch that rivaled the epicness of their previous encounter, but they sure as shit did. An awesome match that truly shows TNA delivers on DVD.
Rating: * * * * 1/2th
Now, on to the second part of our program, Caliber picks a side. Can you feel the excitement? Hell, when I was proof reading this I got a boner…
Honestly, if I had to choose a promotion to go with, it’d be TNA.
I know, I know. But I can’t stand WWE TV these days. Sure, the PPVs are all fucking killer, but the TV is bleh. The Guest Host ordeal is bullshit. It completely takes away time from what could be left for wrestling, just so some C List celebrity can shill whatever it is they have going on. The whole PG matter is just boring. Having things so squeaky clean is goddamn hum drum. I’m an adult. I want blood. I want a pinch of swearing. I enjoy my TV-14 and TV-MA ratings. Not saying I need it to enjoy something, but c’mon, I’m a 26 year old male, it’s what I dig.
So, with that, I’d go with TNA. They have their problems, yes, but they actually do provide an entertaining show, as well as some great matches. I like the fact that RVD can call himself The Whole F’n Show, instead of the Whole Dam Show, which was just ridiculous. I like that they don’t script their promos, at least from what I can tell. Seeing Flair and RVD here in TNA, I can see just how restricted they were in WWE. They have a huge bed of talent, and often do give the lime light to the lesser known guys.
But of course, there are problems. If someone asked me what’s been going on TNA these days, I’d say “Well, The Outsiders have won the tag titles, Sting & Hogan are amidst a feud, and Ric Flair wrestled in the main event of Impact last week.” People would think I was joking. Or that they had in fact gone back in time, and it was 1997, and that they now needed to get their parents together to kiss before he’s history.
I said that they give the young guys a place in the spot light, while it’s true, the light isn’t on that long. The old guys are in the light so long they’re all the same skin color as Hogan. I mean, last PPV was headlined by two teams, Team Flair & Team Hogan. Neither of them even wrestled. The Outsiders won the tag titles, despite the fact that Hall is extremely fat, and wrestles just about as bad as he looks. And Nash, well he was called The Laziest Man in Wrestling 10 years ago. I mean, shit, have you seen Motor City Machine Guns wrestle? It’s unbelievable, they’re seriously poetry in motion. Beer Money is just as over, and yet we still see fit to give the titles to two guys people haven’t paid money to see in about 11 years. The younger guys also get stupid angles to portray in. Such as Samoa Joe, arguably TNA’s most popular homegrown talent is kidnapped for over a month, then just comes back. Abyss, one time a super, hardcore wrestling monster is a fucking joke who fats his way to the ring accompanied by Hulk Hogan’s crappy entrance music from WCW. Abyss, who has been in the main event spot light fighting over WWE products. Yeah, TNA, is that smart? Having them put so much focus, attention, and value into the Hall of Fame rings? If it was just a standard wrestling HOF, sure. But it’s the WWE HOF. You’re putting another company’s product above yours, because all we hear from Flair & Hogan is how the ring is their most prized position and it means everything to them. Which they say just about every week, because as stated, the old guys get way more mic and screen time than those who are still hungry.
The other night on iMPACT, Hogan came out to rescue Abyss, and he beat up 5 people by himself. He was walking slower than he gets a boner and blocking punches like a 5 year old does his first night of Karate class before he’d floor’em with a sloppy looking right. It was just pathetic. Desmond Wolfe, Beer Money, and AJ Styles all had to take a bow. I’d throw Ric Flair in there, but he’s allowed himself to be Hogan’s rape victim for 20 years and just goes without saying.
They also tend to make odd decisions. Now, of course we all know the main credential to winning the TNA World Title is being a former WWE wrestler, and having just entered the company. Honestly though, I think RVD is a fine champion. He’s a great wrestler, and he’s going to help create a ton of interesting matches. But it just wasn’t time. Especially on free TV. In a short match. That was made just that night. With zero heat & build.
AJ, far as I’m concerned, is incredible as a heel champion. With Flair as his manager, it’s a perfect fit. He’s a great wrestler, he has a perfect heel arrogance to him, and Flair is doing what he does best; being Flair. AJ needed to keep going as the insufferable bully of a champion, until someone dethroned him. All of a sudden, out of the blue, RVD wins in an anti-climactic fashion. It was a piss poor way for a champion to lose his belt, especially one he’d held since October. I also hated how it was suppose to be spontaneous, yet the confetti that dropped just so happened to match RVD’s tights. I dunno, it’s things like that that bother me.
Now, after all of this, you’d really think I don’t like TNA, but I do. Those were just a few points that I had to rant on. Flair may be an older guy, but I never get tired of seeing him on my TV. He doesn’t need to wrestle, but he can talk all day. We may get a lot of the older guys hogging the screen, but at least they aren’t wrestling in our main events, and the fresh guys get the chance to give us something to watch with a blend of a ton of wrestling talent and often great match gimmicks.
Now, if we could only get rid of Vince Russo, we’d be on easy street.