The 88MPH Reviews: WCW’s Monday Night Nitro – April 13th, 1998
Thanks to the awesomeness of WWE Classics, we get to look back at the Monday Night War. I’m only going to review the Nitros, because;
A] I love the nWo.
B] Growing up, I was strictly a WWE kid, and hated WCW, hence I never watched it except for a match here and there. So, these Nitros are all pretty much new to me, and there’s a ton of nWo stuff for me to peep.
C] WCW is f’ning ridiculous at times, and thus enjoyable to make fun of. RAW, is just plain bad a lot of the time. Once Shawn & Bret left, things were slacking. As all we had were Stone Cold, Taker, and Mick. The undercard was pretty goddamn lame with all the groups [IE DOA, Los Bur…those Spanish dudes, Truth Commission, NOD], and made for a ton of crap. Watching Raw as I grew up was great because of my love of Stone Cold and DX. Now, I’ve seen that whole tough guy vs. evil dictator stuff so many times I can’t even enjoy the original, and greatest version of it.
D] You’ll get three Nitro’s a month. WWE airs two Nitro’s that are from the beginning, right now they’re in May of ’96. We’re real close to the beginning of the nWo. So, my nerd-boner is raging. The other Nitro they air is in April of ’98, as you can see. So, for now we get two ’96 Nitros, and one ’98 Nitro a month.
We’re one week away from Spring Stampede. The Main Event is Sting vs. Macho Man for the title. They’ve been building this up by having Macho feud with Hogan, or not have him anywhere on the entire 3 hour broadcast. Sting has been facing random nWo members. The semi-main is Piper & The Giant vs. Hogan & Nash in a bat match. The build up for this has been slightly less inane than that of Sting/Macho.
The show opens with a recap of an interview with Piper last week. He says when he’s done with Hogan, he’ll be auditioning for RuPaul. What the fuck does that even mean? That’d be like if I wanted to threaten someone and said “When I’m done, you’ll be shaving Mark McGuire’s beard!”. If Piper said it now, sure, it’d make sense with RuPaul’s drag queen shows, but back then, no.
- Scott Steiner vs. Finlay
For the last two weeks, Scott’s been coming to the ring with Vincent, who’s been carrying a giant trophy. No one knows what the HELL this trophy is for. He might as well be coming out with a radar gun & a pair of nunchucks. Because it makes that much sense, son. Schivone calls Scott Buff Bagwell, naturally. Steiner wins.
- Ultimo Dragon vs. Lenny Lane
Larry takes this time to tell everyone of what a rebel he use to be. If being a rebel was being fat & having crappy matches, then Larry is fucking James Dean. Ultimo goes for the Dragon Sleeper but f’s it up, so he must try again. Ultimo gets the W.
- Piper gives an interview backstage, rambling. Then, out of nowhere, he’s attacked by Hogan & The Disciple. Beefcake gives Piper the Apocalypse [Stunner] in the hallway, and it looks about as deadly as a handshake from my grandmother.
- Chavo vs. Johnny Grunge
Grunge gets the win here, and I have to wonder what the fuck Chavo did to people backstage. I mean, a great, talented upstart who comes from wrestling royalty gets jobbed to a mid 40’s tag-team wrestler? Did Chavo pile-drive Bischoff’s daughter into a bed of nails or something? Geez
- Buff Bagwell vs. Lex Luger
You know, it’s a shame that Buff couldn’t wrestle better, because he was pretty funny, could work the mic, and was well over. I enjoy it when he’s on, and if he’s with someone that can wrestle, it’s an alright time. When Buff is talking, someone makes a point to run in view of the hard camera with a sign that reads “Roids Shrinks Nuts!”. Luger wins this, Luger sucks.
- Crusierweight Heavyweight Championship: Jericho [C] vs. Super Calo
Jericho has a match against Prince Iu…well, you know who I’m talking about, and I’m just too lazy to look up the proper spelling. He’s got a bout with Prince Iuakea coming up at Stampede, so he insists that it’s Iuakea underneath the mask. Funny stuff. Jericho with the win. He starts to lay the boots to Calo, in which The Prince runs out, and Jericho leaves the ring screaming “Iuakea has a twin brother! But we’re too smart for that!”. Man, he rules.
- Saturn vs. Van Hammer
This stemmed from last week, where’s Saturn is on edge because he wants Goldberg in the ring. He snapped and started whooping on Van Hammer, hence, the match here. Match obviously isn’t much, and they’re actually building up this Saturn/Goldberg thing pretty well. I want to see the match, as I think Saturn might be able to beat him.
- Goldberg vs. Rocco
I take that back, I think Rocco Rock here, a guy who’s almost 50 and usually only wrestle’s in tag matches, might be the one to end Goldberg’s streak. Nope.
- WCW US Heavyweight Title Match: DDP vs. ?
OK, I’m sorry, I didn’t write down DDP’s opponent, and I don’t want to fire up Nitro, and have to sit for half n hour while it fast fowards to that point. It wasn’t anything note worthy. What was, however, was what happened after wards. After DDP wins, Raven comes out and yells “What about me? What about me, PAGE?! Because of you, I was wrestling in a circus freak show, with barbwire and tables!” The Flock goes to attack, and DDP goes to work. Well, while this is going on, some fan jumps the rail and tackles the FUCK out of Raven. Security jumps the guy, and Raven doesn’t even skip a beat. Pretty funny stuff.
- Curt Henning vs. Nigata
This whole match is about Rude & Henning’s dad sitting at the ringside. Curt’s about to drop the PerfectPlex, but then drags the guy outside, and holds his arms behind him in front of his dad. Now, at this point, what do you think his dad, a guy nicknamed ‘The Axe’, a grizzled veteran is going to do?
A] Punch him
B] Head-Butt Him
You guessed it! It’s secret option C!
C] Do nothing but take off his shirt to reveal a home-made shirt that reads “HENNING RULES”
Remember, in WCW, it’s always secret option C.
- WCW TV Title Match: Booker T vs. La Parka
There isn’t much to talk about.
- I should also mention that through out the night, before each commercial break, they’d have clips of a Bret interview. He spoke about how he needs to stop talking about being screwed, and do something about it. So, whenever there’s bad news going down, he’s going to drop the ray of sunshine. Basically.
- WCW World Title Match: Sting [C] vs. Kevin Nash
The powerbomb is legal here people. LEGAL?! Don’t they remember what happened to the Giant? If Sting gets hurt here because of the powerbomb, we’re gonna have Lex all over our TVs telling us how disgusted he is. I hope they know what hell they may be bringing down on all of us.
I really don’t understand why they did what they did with Sting. They build him up for over a year and a half. The match everyone has waited for sucks complete ass. Sting gets his ass whooped all over the place. Then the same at their return match. Then last week he gets his ass kicked by Nash. Same this week. Although this match is a bit better in the back and forth department, and the ending is actually a bit exciting. So, it’s a worth while main event. It ends in a DQ of course. No wonder Raw started winning. Bret comes out to help Sting when the nWo starts laying to waste on our painted face avenger.
* * 3/4th
Over-All: It’s a so-so show. There really wasn’t much of a story arch at all during this Nitro, and the matches were pretty damn sub-par. Last weeks Nitro was awesome. Every match was great, and would have been rated higher if they’d gone longer. Not so much the same this week.