The 88MPH Reviews: WCW Monday Nitro – April 27th, 1996
This is it, kids. One of the biggest landmarks in pro-wrestling. This was when Nitro first when to two hours, and it’s also the start of [in my opinion, and yours] the greatest angle in history, the nWo.
Too bad this show blows.
- The American Males vs. Ric Flair & Arn Anderson
I’ve often said that The Steiners are a tag-team for the gays, however The American Males are hands down, the most homosexual tag-team EVER. Those stupid leather vests, the hair cuts, that lame hand-clap thing they do. But, since it’s Ric & Arn, this match is decent. Plus, they win, which is good.
- Comcast screws up and starts showing me some soft-core gay pornography. Oh, no, my bad. It’s the training video for Mongo & Kevin Greene.
- Steve Doll vs. The Mauler
All night we’d been hearing that Col. Parker was going to debut a new man that he was taking under his wing. It was such a big deal, that we came back from commercial and he was already in the ring. No introduction, nothing. The match takes an up-swing however has Denim Dan, known otherwise as Scott Hall, makes his way down from crowd. He grabs the mic, and basically in one speech turns WCW into the federal mint. For your pleasure, the speech;“Hey! You people, you know who I am. But you don’t know why I’m here. Where is Billionaire Ted? Where is the Nacho Man? That punk can’t even get in the building. Me? I go where I want, whenever I want! And where, oh where is Scheme Gene? ‘Cause I’ve got a scoop for you. When that Ken doll look-a-like, when that weatherman wannabe comes out here later tonight, I got a challenge for him. For Billionaire Ted, for the Nacho Man, and for anybody else in WCW. Hey, you wanna go to way? You wanna war? You’re gonna get one!”
Something that always bugged me, was I never knew what the hell he was talking about when it came to Macho. I’d heard this damn speech 1062 times, and never knew. Thanks to watching the old Nitros, your boy is hip to the game, so you can now sleep at night.
- Craig Pitman vs. Diamond Dallas Page
He’s rocking some flashy colors, and is still looking for his final touches. Our boy gets the win, and on that note, I’d like to start a rise of requests for a DDP DVD. It wouldn’t have to be a massive 3 disc. Two discs would be great. Get a nice documentary, and pack it with matches. He had a boat load of great ones, so it wouldn’t be hard.
Shark gets interviewed. Here’s a grown man, tipping the scales at about 400lbs, with a big ol’ beard, that has a row of teeth painted on them. A grown man did this. Adults saw him like this, and put that shit on TV. What the fuck? Was it a mandate to huff a can of paint before you came up with an idea? Good God…
- Shark vs. Giant [C] – WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match
See, The Shark was kicked out of The Dungeon of Doom. Something I’d consider better than a BJ if it were me. Why was he kicked out? I don’t know. Probably because they wanted him to start wrestling underwater, and his awesome painted shark teeth was done with water soluable paint. So, c’mon here, it’s just one big dichotomy.
Big Bubba Rogers comes in and shaves half of The Shark’s head. I remember this angle as a kid. The Shark continues to rock this look for the next couple weeks. This angle was actually John Tenta’s [Shark] idea, because he was desperate to get any kind of traction in WCW. Hell, he also changed a tattoo of a tiger he had into a shark. Unfortunately, this was WCW, kids, so we all know how far dedication and a willingness will get you.
- Lex Luger vs. Maxx Muscle
Yeah, you’d think it’ll be pretty hard to follow that classic, but The Total Package is up to the challenge. So long as he doesn’t have to tan. [Once, Lex was suppose to record a promo, but he refused because he had to tan. He should get an automatic star on every match just for his consummate professionalism.] Maxx Muscle is former body guard to current Lord of the Ring, DDP. Obviously, this match blows.
- Brad Armstrong vs. ‘Hardwork’ Bobby Walker
Really? Bish’ is trying to set up a landmark Nitro, it’s going to two hours, and the nWo starts up. So what do we get? Armstrong vs. Hardwork? What in the blue hell, man? These guys aren’t on the marquee, they ARE the marquee! The only highlight is Hardwork screwing up a move twice in row. I’m not a wrestler, but I know that a cardinal rule is, if you screw up a spot, you don’t go right back after that and try it again. I can see why they call him Hardwork, because he’s hardly working. Ooooh, SNAP!
- Regal vs. Alex Wright
This match wasn’t incredible, and all it really did was piss me off at WCW for not using Regal. He’s an awesome wrestler, and just brilliant on the mic. He made a challenge to all those coming in who want to talk about taking down WCW. He would have been great folly to the nWo. Besides all that, the highlight of the match is Regal calling Wright “Young Adolph”.
- Sting vs. Scott Steiner
The two worst theme songs in wrestling back to back. That’s the real War to Settle the Score. This match isn’t anything exciting, but it’s not terrible. But flat out, I don’t get it. This is a landmark Nitro. Going to two hours from now on, and the beginning of the biggest angle in pro-wrestling. Instead, what they deliver is tantamount to expecting to bone a chick that looks like Jennifer Love Hewitt, but then the chick looks and acts like Bernie from Weekend At Bernie’s. Fucking bummer, man.
- Hall comes out again, to issue a challenge to the WCW. He tells Bischoff that next week he’s gonna be back, and he’s going to have a surprise. My guess is he’ll reveal he actually has even MORE denim clothing.
As stated in the beginning, this show is terrible. It’s honestly one of the worst Nitros I’ve ever seen. Both from a wrestling and story line stand point. It shocks me that with how important this Nitro is, they seemed to put no thought into it what so ever. But then again, this is WCW.