The Only Reviews of A Nightmare on Elm Street [2010] & Iron Man 2 That You’ll Ever Need

I know you’ve all been dying to see these two movies, but refuse to until you hear the word from me. Well, you may rest now my peeps, because it’s time, it’s time, it’s Vader time, time, time….

A Nightmare on Elm Street
April 30th, 2010

The last decade has been the decade of horror remakes. Platinum Dunes started with Texas Chainsaw, and never looked back.

We’ve had some hits [Friday The 13th, Texas Chainsaw]

and some misses [Halloween 1&2]

Where does Nightmare fall? Well, let’s just say purgatory.

In the cases of this and Friday the 13th, they aren’t so much remakes, as they are just sequels, because they’re almost nothing like the originals, and contain only small elements.

I was excited when I first heard about this being remade, just because I wanted to see what they could do with Freddy with modern technology. Also, because some of the acting in part 1 is so horrible that at times I have to fast forward it [Nancy’s mom, and sometimes Nancy herself, I’m looking at you] that I wanted someone else to get a shot at it.

 

 

Yap, hot.

 

The girl who plays Nancy, Rooney Mara, out does what Heather Langenkamp originally did. Heather really stepped up her game in the later movies, but in the original, she wasn’t very good at all. However, Nancy in this movie is one of my gripes. In the original, she’s a fucking fighter. A smart, brave girl who is a true advesary to Freddy. In this one, she’s just a meek, quiet little artsy girl who only seems to take on Freddy because she must, and not with the sense of “I want to do this” that Nancy once had.

Nancy’s boyfriend in the original, Glen, was a cool, sort of a loof type guy who maybe didn’t believe so much in Freddy, but was just down to go with the flow. In this one, there is no boyfriend, just a romantic interest, and he’s extremely average. There’s nothing that stands out about him, and that’s the problem with everyone in this cast. They’re all extremely forgettable, and interchangeable. With exception, with huge exception to…


Jackie Earle Haley is fucking FANTASTIC as Freddy. He’s without a doubt on par with Robert England. He’s sick, maniacal, and just LOVES what he does to these children. He sets himself apart from Robert, and doesn’t try to imitate him, and thankfully, truly gives Freddy his teeth back. He speaks with a deep, guttural voice, and also uses his glove to do the speaking at times, as he’s constantly shinking them together, which I thought was a really nice touch. I’ll be honest, I don’t like the make-up that much. I understand it’s more realistic, but, c’mon, it’s about a guy who becomes a dream demon assassin. It doesn’t have to be real. As the movie goes on though, I will admit it grew on me.

Now, my major gripe, and what takes the movie down, is the fact that they do NOTHING with Freddy. In the first one, that was made 26 years ago, without any of the modern technology, has a ton of awesome scenes, and great special effects. From Freddie’s arms stretching out in the alley, to him chopping off his fingers, getting his face ripped off, having Tina fly around the room, along with Glen and the fountain of blood. So you’re thinking, hell, in this one the gloves are off and they’re going to do some awesome shit, and maybe a classic or two will be redone. We got none of that. It was all so hum drum, , basic and boring that it was a flat out insult. Hell, even the effect where Freddy looks like he’s coming out of the wall was a million times cooler looking when it was just spandex, as opposed to this stupid, over done computer shit.

Bottom line, I’ll buy it because I’m a collector, and I did enjoy it, but to someone who isn’t really a horror fan, I wouldn’t recommend it. This is one of the times where the original just kicks the holy hell out of it.

 

Iron Man 2
May 7th, 2010

If you’re a comic book nerd, than the last decade or so has been, what I believe will be referred to as the glory days. Because minus a couple exceptions [Ang Lee’s Hulk, theatrical Daredevil, Ghost Rider], every comic book movie has been absolutely fan-fucking-tastic. A lot of people say it began with X-Men, but I say it started with Blade. Blade was a bit of a sleeper, but everyone who saw it, loved it. Hell, most people didn’t even have any idea that it was a comic book flick.

Later in the decade, one of the biggest comic book movies of all time happened, and that was Iron Man. In fact, Wizard magazine named it the number one comic book movie of all time. I, disagree, but I do agree that it’s a fantastic movie. So, of course, we had the inevitable stop in sequel town. As with sequels, you have the stigma of that a lot of the time, they can suck. However, in comic book movie world, the sequels almost always trump the original. Spider-Man 2, X2, Punisher: War Zone, and The Dark Knight. The reason a lot of sequels fair better, is that we get to skip all the “how it happened” and get right into the meat of it all.

Does Iron Man 2 perpetuate the idea of comic book movie sequels beating out their original?

Yes, yes sir it does.

I didn’t have much of a problem with the original, I love it, in fact. I don’t believe it’s as great as everyone says, but it’s damn fine. My biggest complaint was the villain. I just wasn’t that interested in Jeff Bridges character. Now, with the sequel we get super fucking bad-ass Mickey Rourke. He’s a better villain because his reason for hating Tony Stark runs deeper than just jealousy, and if you look at it from his point of view, he has a lot of reason. Stark’s father fucked over Ivan’s entire family, and here’s Tony, being a billionaire superhero. It’s also nice because Ivan is on Stark’s level. He can create the same gear, and he’s just as deadly. Great battle scenes whenever he’s involved.

What I also enjoyed, was not only was he battling a physical enemy, but also an enemy in the form of his blood poison, as well as the media & the US. It was a great ‘weight of world on shoulders’ kind of thing.

Another high point is that in the first one, the only chick we had to stare at was Gwyneth Paltrow. That’s OK, if you’re into chicks that rock the body of a 5 year old boy. Myself? I prefer a woman who’s much more of a woman. Enter:

Yes.

So, for me, all these things equal to a better film. And, since you’re an intelligent group, I’m sure it all equals a better film to you to.

Quick Recap:
Nightmare on Elm Street [2010]: * * 3/4
Iron Man 2: * * * * 1/4

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~ by Caliber Winfield on October 9, 2010.

3 Responses to “The Only Reviews of A Nightmare on Elm Street [2010] & Iron Man 2 That You’ll Ever Need”

  1. I really want to see the Nightmare remake, but some people told me to avoid it. Freddy is my favorite of the slashers and I still have high hopes from what others say. The only problem I have with Freddy’s new look is that it doesn’t really look that scary. I remember as a kid the makeup on Robert Englund scared the living crap out of me. I still have to see Iron Man 2. I really liked the first one and some people have told me it was better then the first.

  2. I’ll tell you this, if Freddy is your favorite, then go into the remake with caution.

    It’s like when you told Andrew and me that the Bret/Vince match was crap, and we didn’t want to listen. It’s on demand, have a watch.

  3. I just watched it the other night and I actually enjoyed this remake. The original always will be the best though. I also agree that Jackie Earle Haley was fantastic.

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