The Only Reviews of Lost Boys: The Thirst & Jonah Hex That You’ll Ever Need
I’ve never much talked about my love for The Lost Boys on here. Let it be known, I love the first, AND the second one. I don’t really understand people’s hate for it. Shane is a great vampire, the brother & sister characters are cool, so is Shane’s flock. Those are the modern Lost Boys to a T, adrenaline junkies. Edgar Frog is as he should be, a really pissed off, and bitter vampire hunter. It’s good shit.
Now, the other night I was cold chilling, and saw an add for The Thirst, which gave me a nerd boner immediately. I stayed up until midnight on Monday evening just so I could watch it OnDemand.
It didn’t disappoint.
I don’t believe it’s as good as the first two, but it’s just fine. I liked the history on what happened with Alan Frog, and what he’s doing now. I liked the bit about the Stephanie Meyers-esq character, although that had already been done in the 2004 movie, Vampires, staring Vanessa Angel & Johnny Drama himself. Anyways.
The plot is that the Stephanie Meyers character has hired Edgar Frog to get back her brother, who she believe has been kidnapped by a guy named DJ X. He’s a vampire who hosts huge raves, and gets people hooked on a drug called The Thirst, which is really just blood from the Alpha Vampire that in the end turns them.
We get a great amount of battling with the vampires, cool kills, cool weapons, and a long, extended end scene, which I felt was missing from the 2nd.
Now, for my gripes. It truly felt as if though The Thirst was ripping off Blade in a huge way. The vampires ashed. They’d never done that before, but they did now. A lot of the weapons that Edgar used were straight Blade issue. The sword fight at the end just reeked of Blade as well. The whole vampire blood as a drug ordeal is straight from True Blood. I think it sucks that Sam wasn’t in it. I know this was made before his death, so it could have happened. We’re told that Edgar killed Sam, so the end of Lost Boys 2 where they battle is the correct ending. Another thing that bothered me, is what the hell is up with the ending of part 2? Who’s the vampire in the blacked out mustang that was coming to Luna Beach? We were lead to believe that it’s Alan, which would have been real cool. I don’t want to see Alan as a vampire, I want to see him as a hunter, dammit.
Also, this one felt more like a sequel to the first, because of the ton of flash backs, and references to instances in the first. Matter of fact, I felt they relied TOO much on the first one. But that’s just me.
I’m a comic book nerd, dig it. I never read Jonah Hex. I never read DC Comics, because DC sucks. With exceptions to Batman & Superman, and maybe Green Lantern, DC Comics has done nothing but rip off Marvel, and create crappy, crappy characters.
Jonah Hex is a bounty hunter who also has one foot in the grave, and can speak with dead folk. He’s out after the man who killed his wife and son. So, there we are.
This movie sucks. The story is just sort of there, and not that exciting. Some things don’t make sense, some things happen just for the sake of it.
I fell asleep twice, if that tells you how much this film could not hold my attention.
Josh Brolin, as usual, is kick ass. He’s a total bad motherfucker that’s reminiscent of Clint Eastwood. He was a good choice for Jonah, and he does great.
Megan Fox? I don’t like the bitch one bit, she doesn’t do much other than look good, so really you could have found just about anyone for this role. I will however say that no one could have played the lead in Jennifer’s Body, which is an extremely under-rated horror movie, by the way.
Honestly, I wish I could say more about this movie, but that’s just it. There isn’t much there, so there isn’t much to say.
The Lost Boys: The Thirst – * * * 3/4
Jonah Hex – * *