The Only Reviews of Predators & The Karate Kid That You’ll Ever Need

You guys need to know what to rent/buy, and you need me to tell you. Gladly, as per usual, I will accept this task. Let’s get it as crunk as it’s ever been, ay?

The Karate Kid
June 11th, 2010

You know, I normally have no problem with remakes. I like to see how someone will invision a movie. But even I have my limits, and feel that there are some movies you just cannot remake. Films like The Terminator, any Indiana Jones film, and Star Wars just shouldn’t be remade. Also, I include in that list, The Karate Kid. It’s an absolutely iconic movie, with classics scenes & characters.

The Differences:
The story, obviously, is just as the original was. There are obviously differences, as it is with remakes. The kid moves to China, not California. He learns kung-fu, not karate. Jackie Chan’s [Mr. Han] wife & son died in a car accident, not child birth.

The Pros:
Jackie Chan’s performance was incredible. He really brought it home, and was on some A+ shit. The scene were he’s talking about his wife & son are done just as well as any other scene I’ve….well, seen. He truly seems meek and humble through out the movie. The landscape of where they shot is beyond gorgeous.

Now, as for Jayden Smith, him being in this role is purely nepotism, but he does manage to hold his own.

The Cons:
If this movie were made back in the early 80’s, and was the only Karate Kid, it wouldn’t have become a franchise. There’s nothing that memorable about it. Mr. Myagi is one of the greatest characters in movie history, and the original is littered with classic scenes that are still referenced to this day. This Karate Kid has little to none, and the only ones that stand out, are ones that are being mimicked from the original.
The fight scenes, are pretty ridiculous. In the original, it’s all extremely believable. It isn’t flashy, it’s very realistic. In this one, they go completely over the top. It’s the kind of fighting you’d see in The Matrix or something, it kind of takes you out of the movie. Also, in the original, the kids were 17 and 18, so you could get some real satisfaction out of Myagi kicking the crap out of’em. Here? They’re 12 and 13. So, to see Jackie Chan kick the shit out of some kids makes you not really savor the moment.
The ending. The Crane Kick is one of the most iconic moments in movie history, and just flat out awesome. It was new, original, and believable. Here? The kid is hoping on one foot, then turns around, and does a fucking BACK FLIP, causing his foot to come crashing down on the dudes head. It’s one of the stupidest things I’d ever seen in my entire fucking life. Tony Jaa is the only person I think who could actually do something like that, and he’s trained his whole life, and isn’t a 13 year old kid who’s been learning kung-fu for 6 weeks.

I’ll give it 3stars out of 5.


July 9th, 2010

The original Predator gets my vote as the burliest movie of all time. Ton of super buff bad-asses, drinking, dry shaving, smokin’ cigars, blowing up motherfuckers because they’re in the way. Bad ass alien, tons of gore, swearing, shirtless Arnold, one-liners, and no bullshit love stories.

The sequel, not bad. It has Gary Busey, but I’m sorry, unless he’s with Riggs, I don’t really buy Danny Glover as an action hero.

Alien vs. Predator 1 & 2, I thought were both really good movies. I’m not a fat fucking nerd who sits and complains about everything. The 2nd one was a lot better than the 1st, but that doesn’t mean the original was weak sauce.

That brings us to Predators. I was pissed when I heard it was a remake, because Predator is just something you cannot recreate. Thankfully, this is a sequel. They mention the original crew from the first movie.

Basically, this is The Deadliest Game, or Surviving The Game, but with Predators. They take the best killers from our planet, plop’em down on theirs, and it’s game on.

Much like the original, it’s an easy premise, with great results.

The Predators aren’t the only creatures on the planet. They have some sort of dog, covered in sharp horns, that flush people out. They’re some vicious motherfuckers man, almost as deadly as a pug.

I was weary of Adrian Brody in the lead, but he does a damn fine job. He plays a real cold, apathetic mercenary, and does the job well. The supporting cast is built up of peeps like Laurence Fishburne, Danny Trejo [un-sung hero of manliness], and Topher Grace.

Fishburne plays a character who’s been on the planet for some time, and has shit figured out. He’s also a bit crazy, which always makes for a good time. Topher Grace is the what I consider to be the character of the audience. He isn’t trained for this shit, and he’s scared out of his mind, and just watching it all happen, as are we.

Although Rodriguez didn’t direct, you know he’s a fan, because there are a ton of drops in here for us, without being obvious.  My favorite being when Adrian Brody is screaming at one of the Yautja [name for the species of the Predator] , “I’m here! I’m here! KILL ME!”. I thought they’d go with the ‘you’re one ugly motherfucker’, but we didn’t get that. They also use the classic Predator music,those tribal drums and such. One of the best surprises, and nods, is the song they use for the end credits. It made me get a man-boner, go next door, and pound on my neighbors door. He then pissed me off, because he started gripping about it being 3am, and about how he doesn’t think I resemble Jesse The Body Ventura. Naturally, in response, I gave him a piledriver through his own ass. Don’t ask how, just know that I did.

I’m gonna mention some spoiler stuff, so if you don’t want to know about some things, don’t read the next paragraph.

My favorite part of the movie is the AWESOME sword fight. That shit blew my mind, and was absolutely incredible. That’s the sort of thing I watch movies for. Seeing the Yautja battle one another, and getting their head’s cut off, is really fucking awesome too.

Incredible effects, acting, action scenes and throw-backs to the classic make this installment not only a worth successor, but what I consider to be the true sequel to the original, and a film that is almost, if not, on par with it.

4 and 3/4 stars out of 5.

Sure, he isn't in the movie. But any reason to look at Arnold, is a good reason.


~ by Caliber Winfield on December 3, 2010.

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