88MPH Reviews: WCW Monday Nitro, July 15th, 1996
WCW Monday Nitro
July 15th, 1996
Before we get started, I know this is two weeks ahead from the last post, but as I was about to post the Nitro from the week prior, my awesome computer fucked itself and for some reason wordpress didn’t save it. Well, be damned if I’m retyping it, lazy I know, but really, you didn’t miss anything. The nWo wasn’t there, so they just recapped the last few minutes of Bash’ over, and over and over. Oh, and Zybysko calls Hogan “unmanly” about as many times as Zybysko hasn’t had a decent match. Which, as we know, is a larger number than the stars in the sky.
They were at the Universal Studios Lot last week, and this week. Not sure if the shows are canned, or if Bischoff just enjoyed the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror and wanted to stay for awhile.
We recap the Bash at the Beach ending. I’ve seen this footage, oh, I don’t know, at least 3,253 times, and it’s just as great. I love it when Hogan drops the leg on Savage, and Schivonne just sputters in mid sentence. “…Ho…Ho….HOGAN!”. Great stuff.
- The Steiners vs. Fire & Ice
The name Fire & Ice is really stupid. Sure, Norton is a redhead, so fire sort of works. But Ice? Are they saying he’s black ice? Is that it? Not sure. What I do know, is there’s a lot of anabolics in this ring right now. Norton’s a former arm-wrestling champion. Just so you know. Rick does a belly-to-belly suplex on Ice and drops him on his head. Schivonne adds that it’s “a great display of strength!” I was thinking more “a great display of sloppiness and unprofessionalism!”. Scott Norton tags in, and in a few seconds Ice Train runs in for some interference. Rick, then a moment later, executes an extremely shitty and sloppy German Suplex on Ice-Train. So shitty and sloppy in fact, that it some how makes Ice-Train the legal man as the ref counts the pin, and gives The Steiner’s the 3 count.
We get an interview with the Dugeon of Ah Fuck, He’s Wrestling?. As Bubba says he’s taking on Flexy Lexy.
- Dean Malenko vs. Kidman
Man, Dean really was a fantastic wrestler. Goddamn, this is such a fast paced match, it’s unbelievable. Kidman goes for, what I believe, was the first Shooting Star Press on WCW TV. I could be wrong, but I don’t think I am. Regardless, he misses it. Dean then hits Kidman with a Brain Buster, Power Bomb, Tiger-Bomb, and then goes into the Texas Clover Leaf. Dean literally hit those 4 moves in less than 5 seconds, incredible.
* * 1/2
Oh boy, Kevin Greene comes out and tells us what he thinks of Hulk Hogan. Thank God, I’m sure back then people were losing sleep wondering what The Greene thought of this whole ordeal. It’s also amazing, because no one had mentioned Hogan until now. And by no one has mentioned it, I mean they changed the name of the show from WCW Monday Nitro to Hulk Hogan Stabbed Us In The Back Monday Night Hulk Hogan Stabbed Us In The Back And Is Mean HOGAN HOGAN HOGAN.
- WCW Tag Team Hogan Is A Super Bad Guy Championship
Harlem Hogan Turned On Us Heat w/ Sherri & Col. Parker vs. Rough & Ready
R&R is comprised of Dick Slater & Mike Enos. Mike Enos of course is the man who was in the ring when Hall appeared. He was also managed by Col. Parker at the time. They make no mention of this, because it’s a stupid fact. Oh, and because Hogan doesn’t tip his waitress. Heat wins because Sherri kissed Dick Slater. So, if I truly wanted to, I could say the match ended because Sherri sloppy kissed Dick.
- Madusa vs. Osaka
I’m an ass man, that’s no secret, and this Osaka chick has such pancake but, it practicaly makes an indent in her profile. Madusa wins. This match sucked. Nuff said.
2nd Hour Starts
We then see The Outsiders draping huge white cloths with N W O over the WCW sign. The crowd then screams Diesel.
- Meng vs. Arn Anderson
As the match starts, they show Hall & Nash sitting up by the sign, drinking and hanging out in lawn chairs. It’s a real testament to the awesomeness of this match that I’d rather watch two wrestlers sitting and drinking, than these two wrestle. Honestly, I fell asleep, only to wake up and find that Meng had won. We’ll call that good enough.
- Lex Luger vs. Big Bubba
This match is just about as good as you’d think. They keep talking about how tough Luger is, because they say he has a concussion from Bash. If there’s one big time wrestler I have the hardest time imagining is tough, it’s probably ol’ Lex. Big Bubba looks like Roy from The Office. Luger is so tough he has to beat people with his forearm that has a steel plate in it. Yeah, I’m so tough I beat someone by running them over with my car, while I was wrapped in body armor like a sleeping bag. FINALLY…something note worthy happens. The Outsiders attack Luger, and Hogan enters. They make it seem like they’re cool with Bubba, but then beat the shit out of him. This is why the nWo was so bad-assed.
The nWo gives an interview, and we see, again, parts of what made them so awesome. Hogan talking about being bigger than the sport, and about how Macho blames his divorce on him. It’s shoot, behind the curtain comments that made everything so revolutionary.