The Only Review Of The A-Team That You’ll Ever Need

The A-Team
June 11th, 2010


This millennium has been all about the remake, or the return of the old franchise. Some incredible [Rambo, Rocky Balboa, Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull], and some ass [Halloween, Knight Rider]. In this review, we’ll find out where The A-Team sits.

If you’re reading this, you know what The A-Team is. You know the deal, the characters, and what they’re all about. So there’s no reason for me to go over it.

The movie has a fantastic opening. We get to learn how everyone met each other, and we get great examples of just what makes everyone stand out. It’s a great lead in that gets you stoked for the rest of the film.

The team is asked to retrieve mint pressing plates. We hooked up the Sha of Iran back in the day with a pressing print. Well, it went on the black market, and they got a fix on it, plus 100 billion dollars in counterfeit. If all of that sounds familiar, yeah, they did the same thing in Rush Hour 2, basically.

So, our boys get the goods, but then the plates are stolen from the base and they’re made to look guilty. They’re Court Marshaled, and sent to the pokey. Naturally this pisses the boys off, because there was probably a bomb titty-flick on Cinamax a week later, and they’re not going to be able to see it. And lemme tell you, if I was forced to miss seeing Wild Things, I’d be punching motherfuckers in the face so hard it’d break their leg.

They get out, and set on the pace to find out what the hell went down. Get the plates. Get revenge. Clear their names.

If you’re astute, then the big ‘reveal’ towards the beginning of the 3rd act, should be no surprise. I called it about half n hour into the movie. Other than that, great plot. You’re interested in finding out who’s working with who, and what plans they’re going to come up with to get done what’s needed to be done.

That’s one of the pluses about The A-Team. It isn’t just a straight ‘go in guns blazing’ type of action. You get twists and turns at the right times.

Liam Neeson is perfect as Hannibal Smith. Hannibal is a bad-assed name, by the way. I think my first born shall be called that. Hannibal Rambo Head-Butt Stroh. God, he’ll get pussy the second he pops out of one. Plus, when the DR goes to slap his behind, or whatever they do, he’ll give that bitch an akido flip and break his wrist. As it is, instead of music, my child with listen to nothing but Steven Seagal flicks whilst in the womb. I’m a father who cares. Liam packs that awesome charisma that lets you know he may be a bit older, but he’s still bad-assed enough to fuck your mother while your dad high-fives him. Great choice for the lead. I can only hope to be that cool when I’m old.

Rampage did a great job as B.A. I actually enjoyed him more than Mr. T. Simply because he was a lot more lively. The whole fear of flying thing that plays through out the movie is great, and so is his turn to a more peaceful lifestyle. It’s a brilliant move that gives you something to look forward to as the movie progresses, the return of BA.

The guy playing Murdock, Sharlto Copley was also awesome. He had a perfect low level of appearance of both being on the edge, as well as crazy. His whole ‘whatever’ style of tactics was a perfect balance to Hannibal’s meticulous planning. No matter the situation, it was great to see him get a boner over all of it.

Now, moving on to my favorite, Faceman, played by my favorite actor of the day, Bradley Cooper. Now, this may sound a bit conceded, but one of the reasons I enjoyed Bradley as Faceman, was because he reminds me a lot of myself. Just a laid back, real cool dude who’s down to die for his friends, and help out people while never taking anything too serious. Plus, he’s devilishly handsome. Bradley proved what a man he was by packing on, oh, I’d say at least 15-20lbs of muscle. He used a pretty innovative, and very plausible workout plan to achieve his look, which is great because most celebrities do some insane, grueling shit that they back up with steroids [Lautner, I’m looking at you]. He’s a smooth motherfucker, and the obvious heir to Hannibal’s throne.

Bottom line, The A-Team is just a kick ass movie. I haven’t seen the unedited one yet, but I’m damn near positive it’ll be even better than this. So, although it probably goes without saying, but spend some time with this, unless you suck, you’re going to dig it.

4 out of 5 Head-Butts.

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~ by Caliber Winfield on December 29, 2010.

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