The 88MPH Reviews: WCW Monday Nitro, July 29th, 1996
OK. I need to remember to save my shit as I’m working on it. I was working on the Nitro that took place before this, and 3/4 of the way through, my shit canned and I lost it, and I just don’t feel like having to watch all of it over again and retype it. So, I’ll give you the lowdown before you get this one.
After Road Wild, we have a new champion. Hulk Hogan defeated The Giant in one of the worst matches of all time. They spray painted the WCW World Title and re-christened it the nWo World Title. The Outsiders secured the WCW Tag Titles against The Steiners. In what would be an ongoing thing, Nick Patrick accidentally-on purpose clipped Luger’s knee when he had Scott Hall up in The Rack.
The next night on Nitro, not much happened. Macho had a match with Flair, to which Hogan came out and nailed him with a chair. Sting & Luger were to face The Outsiders that night, but it just turned into a brawl.
That’s it. It’s funny how very, very, very little the nWo was used in the beginning. Now, let’s get into this week.
- VK Wallstreet vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Wow. I’m not sure what’s a worse rip-off of a popular WWE character, VK Wallstreet, or Renegade. Both are extremely lame, looked EXTREMELY stupid, and were an insult to the fans. I thought perhaps VK would get the nudge, since he’s imitating a character he once held the tag-titles with. But, then we’re forced to remember the insult to true wrestling fans the world over when Renegade beat Arn Anderson for the TV Title. Well, at least VK could wrestle. All Renegade could do was be a male stripper. Man, VK’s outfit looks like something you’d see in a porno or something. And not a good one. One that like your Uncle would finance or something, and then ask you to work the camera, and you’d have no choice because he once saved your life or something, and you had to watch your Uncle giving it to an ugly amatuer porn model while wearing a singlet covered in dollar signs. Duggan wins. Duggan sucks. End of story.
- Mean Gene comes out to interview Jim Duggan. Of course, he doesn’t ask him about anything that really deals with Duggan, he just asks him what he feels about the nWo. A nice precursor to WCW’s future where everyone was forced to talk about the nWo. Macho Man then comes out, and starts his interview. Duggan then gets
the crowd to chant USA, because the nWo represent Cuba.
- Alright, Glaicer promo. Remember those? Blood running cold and all that. Only good thing to come of this was Ernest ‘The Cat’ Miller. When he was with Sonny Ono, he was fucking hilarious. After all that, he was no longer cool, and needed to quit dying his hair like an idiot.
- Scott Norton vs. Disco Inferno
Another great display of WCW’s booking. For a while they’ve been booking Inferno to get the W, having him look like a decent heel who weasels his way around a win. But here, Scott Norton just destroys the hell out of him, with Inferno getting little to no offense.
- Lord Steven Regal vs. Dean Malenko
I’ll be shocked if this isn’t great. And It’s safe to say, I’m not shocked. It’s bullshit they didn’t get more time, and it would have been great if this had produced a fued. This was a fantastic match for what it was, it was just too short, really. Great stuff. Incredible back and forths.
* * 3/4
- The Nasty Boys vs. Public Enemy
Oh, man. You know what it’s like to go from something great like Regal vs. Malenko to Nasty Boys vs. Public Enemy? It’s like being told you’re safe, the gang of rapists who rape men, but not rape through anal, instead they rape you with penis in penis intercourse, are long gone. But then all of a sudden you’re ambushed by them and
raped in your penis. That’s exactly what this is all like. This sucks.
- Oh, and since Nasty just one, and made a threat to the other tag team people, what does Mean Gene ask them about? Correct, what their plans are for the tag division. Oh, never mind. They ask them about the nWo. Knobbs says they want a shot at the ‘subbaU C W’ tag titles. I’ll bet you do. He gets so worked up that he has a stroke so big it makes him fat and unwatchable for the rest of his career.
- DDP vs. Chavo Guerrero JR
DDP is starting to look like DDP now. Wearing black, and not flamingo pink. This is also the start of him FINALLY bringing his hands together to form the Diamond. DDP was playing with Chavo, pulling him up for the pin, and as he was going for the Diamond Cutter, Chavo hit a backslide and won it. Decent TV bout. Right afterward DDP snaps on the Diamond Cutter and the crowd goes NUTS for that.
- American Males vs. Harlem Heat
I say this every time, I hate to repeat myself, but they force it out of me. The American Males are the fruitiest tag-team of all time. I got no problem with that, except for when you’re trying to be tough by wearing pin-stripe pants, wresting with suspenders on, and clapping your hands to probably the lamest wrestling enterance next to Stings. Buff’s rope tattoo doesn’t help matters either. A lot of nothing, here.
- Finally we get a msg that has been paid for by the New World Order. It’s the one you can get on the Rise & Fall of WCW DVD, where they say they’re in Rome, and wonder what The Denver Post is doing there. I wanted to post that video, but couldn’t find it. So, you’ll get a different one. Enjoy, this LETHAL dose of poison.
- The Giant vs. Macho Man
There’s 5 minutes left. This outta go a lot of places. As The Giant is making his way down, Macho Man attacks him with a chair. After about 6 blows, Macho has hurt him enough to have The Giant
act as if nothing has happened and starts kicking his ass. Here comes The Dungeon of Doom. Not so much equiped with the threat of violence, but instead forcing Macho Man into a
terrible match with a DQ finish to protect themselves. OK, well, Macho ran to the back and everyone followed. Serious? That was the fucking main event they talked about all night?
- This was such a boring show. There was NO story lines, just a bunch of crappy TV matches with only 1 or 2 bright spots. the nWo was the biggest thing to hit wrestling in years, and they weren’t seen on the goddamn show once. Man, weak sauce. You guys owe me for watching this.