The 88MPH Reviews: SummerSlam 1994
Man, this month on WWE Classics the theme is ‘Defrost With The Divas’. Does that fill you with promise? Does that fill you with hope for matches, PPVs, HOF features and such? Yeah, me neither. We got SummerSlam ’94, because of Blaze vs. Bull. I’ve never seen the PPV, and yes, even in my 16 years of being a fan, I’ve never seen The Undertaker vs. The Undertaker match, so you can imagine my excitement.
Review: The night before, The Headshrinkers were tag-team champions before losing the straps to Diesel & Shawn at a house show. I understand they probably did that in order to help set up the split between Shawn & Big Daddy Cool, but, c’mon? A fucking day before the PPV? They couldn’t wait just one day so that the match can actually mean something? I’m sure Shawn & Kevin had some hand in it, so I guess it’s no surprise.
The actual match isn’t that bad, to be honest. Before watching The ‘Shrinkers wrestler, I wondered why the hell they ever had the straps, but this bout makes me able to understand that they may have had the talent to rip it up in the ring. Not a bad opener, would have been greater if it was a championship match.
Rating: * * 1/2
WWE Women’s Championship Match – Alundra Blayze [C] vs. Bull Nakano
Review: Not much to say about this one, to be honest. It’s decent, and after years of divas and knockouts, it’s incredible to see a great women’s match. These two had a better bout on Raw, and to be honest, it’s probably the best women’s match I’ve ever seen. It’s impressive to see 140lb Alundra deliver a perfect German Bridge Suplex on 230lb Bull.
Rating: * * 1/2
The Review: This is a great little mid-card match. Matter of fact, if it had gone on longer, I think it could have reached a higher rating. We had no slow points, back and forth action, both guys in their prime, just kicking ass. The ending was real exciting, with back and forth close calls. The interference from Shawn was fantastic. It really made you pull for Razor, and added more excitement to the bout. I didn’t think Razor would snag the title here, but he did, so it made it that much better. They should have put this on the Superstars of the 90’s DVD instead of their Superstars match.
Rating: * * * 1/4
The Review: The match here is about Tatanka feeling betrayed by Lex Luger, because of the fact he’s sold out to The Million Dollar Man. We get clips of Dibiase being out at Luger’s matches, enabling him to win, Dibiase showing up at SummerSlam and going into Luger’s room with a big bag of money. Half way through the match, I could then tell that it was Tatanka who was really on the take, and we’d find out later. If you’d seen this build up and such, it’d actually be a pretty nice pay off.
Imagine if they did this with Cena and Nexus. Such as, Nexus looks to get Kofi Kingston or something to join, and John tries to talk him out of it, and beg him. They end up having a match, and it turns out that Cena is really the man who joined. So, anyways, Luger gets the W and this match pretty much sucks, but the ending beat down of Luger make sit all worth while. Also, this marks The Million Dollar Man’s 2nd appearance tonight, as he was also out with Bam Bam and IRS, and we know he’ll be out again later. That’s quite a lot of face time for an inactive wrestler.
Jeff Jarrett vs. Mabel
Review: Ugh. They omit all Chris Benoit footage because of what he did. Yet, they still allow footage of Mabel despite what he’s done to US?! Also, from the sound of it, I think Oscar had a heart attack on his way to the ring. Thankfully, I believe he was too fat to even know. Jarrett won this, if you care.
The Review: Bret vs. Owen is easily one of the Top 5 Greatest Feuds in all of wrestling. Some feuds are great because of the build up and story lines, and the matches aren’t all that fantastic, or vice versa. But this one delivered so goddamn well in both parts. Owen Hart played his role to perfection. He was pissed off and bitter. Feeling over looked and left in the shadow of his bigger brother, the champion, Bret Hart. Bret also was incredible in his role as the older brother and valiant Champion who refused to fight with a family member. It took quite a while for Bret to finally agree to any time, any place.
Their first bout was at Wrestlemania X where they delivered a 5 star classic and Owen even got the W. Later that night, Bret won the title, leaving Owen to feel even more bitter as he’d defeated the World Champion, flat on his back, 1-2-3, just a couple hours prior. SummerSlam, the steel cage, was the sequel and Owen’s chance to prove himself. The only slight to the match is that it runs a bit long, but that’s it. It’s constant, truly non-stop back and forth action. Neither wrestler really getting the edge on each other, because of how equally matched they are. They weren’t allowed to use blood, so Bret wanted a ton of close calls in order to obtain the drama he wanted so much. Thank God they went with Owen for this angle, and not Bruce, as Vince originally wanted.
Rating: * * * * 3/4
The Review: Man, oh man. It’s funny how SummerSlam 1994 was the culmination of not only one of the greatest wrestling angles of all time, but also, what is probably the stupidest and most inept angle in wrestling. Starting at the Rumble, as you know, 42 people stuffed The Undertaker in a casket. The casket then oozed green smoke as The Undertaker took over the electrical system, then spoke over the PA and video screen that he then 1 minute later floated above as he proclaimed his soon return. Geez, the guy can take over the electrical system, turn to smoke, and fly yet he can’t escape a beat down? Makes sense to me.
Anyways, months later The Million Dollar Man said he had The ‘Taker now, and all he cared about was cold, hard, cash. We saw him wrestle, and do his ‘Taker thing, all the while seemingly under the control of the almighty dollar. Well, we all knew better and so did Paul Bearer. He said his Undertaker, the REAL Undertaker would return and dispose of this impostor. So, here we are. The fake Undertaker, who later became Chainz, and also known as Brian Lee is about 5 inches shorter than Undertaker. They seriously seemingly wrestle in slow motion for almost 10 minutes. It’s quite horrendous. One can bet Bret and Owen were more than happy to have to go on before this, and give up the main event spot for this incredible display. I can only imagine that Bret felt the same then as he did on the day his Buick Regal became possessed and physically raped him.
Over-All: It’s actually a pretty decent PPV, I think. Fine opener, couple of pretty good mid card bouts, and one of the greatest main events in PPV history. Also, although it’s a terrible match from a quality stand point, it’s worth a look just for the sheer lunacy of it. Enjoy.