The Only Review of Faster That You’ll Ever Need

Faster
November 24th, 2010


Back in the early 2000’s, The Rock was pegged as the next great big action hero. Films like The Scorpion King and The Rundown seemed to turn these claims into a stone cold fact. But then something happened. I don’t know if there’s more money in making family films or something, but after dropping the awesome remake of Walking Tall, The Rock went wayward. He followed up a pretty decent slew of action films with The Game Plan, Planet 51, Race to Witch Mountain, The Tooth Fairy, I felt the next big action hero was DOA. So, I was pretty stoked to see Rock’s new movie had him driving a Chevelle, packing a .357 and dropping people like crazy.

Is my man back in form?

Eh.

Faster is a story about a guy who was the driver for a bank job that his older brother and some others were heisting. Well, someone gets wind of the safe house and another gang comes in and takes them all out. Slitting The Rock’s brother’s throat right in front of him, then shooting him in the back of the head. However, the bullet bounced off his skull and came out his cheek. So, after healing, and doing 10 years for his involvement in the robbery, he’s out to kill a few people. Of course, like all revenge trips, it won’t be easy. The head honcho who was behind it all has hired a hitman to take out The Rock [known as The Driver] before he can get to him. On top of all that, we’ve got a few cops on his trail too.

The first half of the movie is text book, and awesome. There’s cussing, killing, no nonsense ass kickery, car chases, and everything else under the sun. It’s in the second half that the film gets all sort of mucky, and sucks the fun out of it.

They get sidetracked with The Killer [as the hitman is known] here. They delve pretty deep into  his personal life, and flesh out quite a lot for really no reason. It’s an hour and a half long action flick. Just make him a bad ass hitman who never loses, but all good things must end when he has a showdown with The Driver. But instead they just go on a This Is Your Life! sort of thing with the guy.

The way The Driver deals with his last victim was stupid, and yet another big notch of goodness that was taken out of the film.

Also, the ending has a twist, but a twist I honestly saw coming about 15 minutes into the movie. So, try harder next time, fellows.

In the end, Faster is like getting ready for a dinner you think is going to kick ass. You get some fantastic appetizers, like perhaps some cheese sticks. You also get a bomb chicken ceaser salad, and some of the best breadsticks you’ve ever had. Now, it’s the main course time, and what is it? Yup, you guessed it, it’s rape.

So, that’s what Faster is like. Get’s you all stoked because the first parts are awesome, and then just punches you square in the dick. Or the boob, if you’re a girl.

Rating: * * * 1/4 out of 5

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~ by Caliber Winfield on March 4, 2011.

9 Responses to “The Only Review of Faster That You’ll Ever Need”

  1. Hey caliber, first time poster. Love your blog. Since you’re into macho action movies, I was wondering have you ever seen The Taking Of Beverly Hills? If you haven’t, track it down. Trust me, you won’t regret it. It is easily one of the best and most underrated action movies ever made. Anyway, thanks for reading.

  2. Thanks for taking the time to post, Matt, I appreciate it.

    The Taking of Beverly Hills, huh? I’ve never heard of it, but I’ll make good to check it out, pronto. Thanks for the heads up.

  3. Hey Caliber, if you’re on the lookout for it, you can get it supercheap on Amazon. It strikes me as odd that it’s so obscure today, because when I was a kid about 15 years ago, this movie was on Showtime and The Movie Channel A LOT. Anyway, thanks for reading and as a sidenote, anybody that likes Karate Kid Part 3 is cool in my book.

    • Netflix didn’t have it, bastards. I looked it up on imdb.com, and a lot of the reviews were like “I thought this was going to be terrible, and boy was I wrong!”. It looks pretty interesting.

      Hell yeah, man. The Karate Kid 3 is extremely underrated. It’s got probably the scariest group of bad guys out of the whole series. Plus, we get the Myiagi Family Kata. Which, and I’m not kidding, I used once during a fight and it freaked the guy out so much he wouldn’t fight me. True story.

      By the way, just have a couple questions, because I just like to get information from the people. How’d you come across the blog? From Scott’s site? Also, what kind of posts do you dig the most? I like to find out from people so I know what to focus on more. Thanks again for reading.

  4. Yes indeed, I did find this through Scott’s Blog Of Doom. I like the movie reviews the best. A lot of the stuff you have reviewed, I remember catching as a kid on Showtime and The Movie Channel, back when they were awesome LOL. As far as wrestling goes, the only promotion I watch is Ring Of Honor. I feel that if you avoid watching WWE and especially TNA much like the crap that is Jersey Shore, you won’t lose any brain cells. Anyway, thanks for reading.

  5. Oh yeah, forgot to mention. The reason why it’s not on Netflix is because MGM never released it on DVD. Even last year, when MGM was dumping almost their entire library onto Blu-Ray, they still didn’t release it. MGM is funny like that. They have thousands of good movies they don’t bother to release yet they re-release the same 50 films about 50 thousand times. I’m not sure how the video quality is but someone uploaded the entire movie in parts 1 thru 10 on youtube. Anyway, thanks for reading.

  6. Oh yeah, forgot to mention. The reason why it’s not on Netflix is because MGM never released it on DVD. Even last year when they were dumping most of their library onto Blu-Ray, they still didn’t release it. MGM is funny like that. They have a lot of good movies they never bother to release yet they re-release the same 50 films 50 thousand times. I’m not sure how the video quality is, but someone uploaded the entire movie in parts 1 thru 10 on YouTube. Anyway, thanks for reading.

  7. Hey Caliber,sorry for the repeat. My notebook screwed up on me.

  8. Cool, I’ll have to check out the youtube this weekend.

    Yeah, I hate when companies take forever to release shit on DVD, or at least release decent versions. One of my favorite movies is Fright Night 2, they put out the DVD, which was TERRIBLE quality. I mean, VHS style. Then they discontinued it in 2003, and now a DVD copy runs like $60. So, I just copped the VHS and was fortunate enough to record it on my DVR when it was on HBO, in HD. It also took Paramount FOREVER to release Friday The 13th part 3 in 3D. 25 years in fact.

    You know, I bought an ROH DVD once, it was a best of hardcore type of DVD, and I love hardcore wrestling. Don’t get me wrong, it has to be done right. It can’t be just some CZW type crap. Anyways, I was pretty bored with the DVD, so I felt that if they couldn’t dazzle me with hardcore, they probably didn’t have much chance with anything else. But then again, hearing about how great these PPVs are, perhaps I should check out some older stuff. I dig Bryan, and love CM Punk & Samoa Joe. God, why is Samoa Joe running around with Kato from the Green Hornet in TNA. Ugh.

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