Man Movie Encyclopedia: A Man Apart

Movie: A Man Apart
Star: Vin Diesel
Year: 2004
Director:  F. Gary Gray

Back in the early 00’s, myself a few friends thought that Vin Diesel were going to save us from the lack of action heroes we had. The World needs the Stallones, Schwarzeneggers, Van Dammes, and Chans. At this point, we didn’t have too much. Stallone was still around, but he wasn’t doing too much action, so, what were we to do? What would save us? The answer;

Pitch Black.

An awesome sci-fi affair that had a brand new actor we hadn’t heard of. A buff, gruff voiced ass-kicker by the name of Vin Diesel. We thought we had some new blood here. But, then xXx came out. That was one shitty affair. It could have been better if it had been R, but a PG-13 action film like that just didn’t work. Thankfully, our man Big D redeemed himself with an under the radar ass-kicker, A Man Apart.

The film starts in South America. The world’s biggest drug lord is here. Bad news for him though, because Vin Diesel is here too. He was probably on vacation, trying to score bags of Viagra so that way before he fought a guy, he could slip one in their drink, and then he could make fun of their boner and call them gay for getting one before fighting a dude. Hell yeah. Anyways, while there, he helps bring down the drug lord, because he’s also a DEA agent. Right before he takes down the boss, single handedly, the boss tells him that he’s making a huge mistake, and things will get bad for both of them. Diesel could give a shit, and gets his arrest on.

Well, the bad guy goes to the pokie, and Vin Diesel has a party to celebrate busting ass. Later that night, some bad guys sneak into the house and start pulling triggers. Vin Diesel throws himself on top of his girlfriend, because she’s wearing his favorite football jersey, and doesn’t want to ruin it. After killing the sure fire hell out of these guys, he comes to check on his jersey, and finds that his clumsy girlfriend got herself shot. Turns out Diesel is shot too, but that happened because he just wanted to see what it felt like, and as he thought, it felt awesome. Well, due to the gun shot, he falls into a coma.

He wakes up from said coma, with coma beard and all, and finds out the girlfriend is dead. He has two emotions on this one; A] he’s totally stoked because being in a coma meant he didn’t have to go to the funeral, and talk to stupid relatives and all that bullshit. B] he’s really fucking pissed, because she owed him $5 and now he’s out of it! The bitch probably set it up like that so she didn’t have to owe. Bitch.

Well, Diesel is pissed, and goes on a mission to find out who’s behind all this. While this is going on, the drug lord that he locked up has been having his whole operation torn down from another drug lord who’s known only as Diablo. Upon hearing this, Diesel now understands what one of the bad guys who tried to kill him meant when he said “Diablo can never die”.  So, Diablo is the one.

After rocking some detective work, and moving up the ladder of this new drug cartel, Diesel is having a meeting with one of the big-wigs. The guy makes the mistake of mentioning that the last guy who fucked with Diablo, Diablo sent some guys to kill his bitch wife. This reminds Diesel of the $5 he doesn’t have, and like a man, beats this guy to death. Which is super kick ass. People need to be beat to death more often. That’s my stance on that. Well, once he does that, drug dealers, cops and the like all start popping out of nowhere and opening fire. Each side takes a few loses, and as a result, Diesel is stripped of his badge.

On the flip side, the former drug lord’s entire empire is crumbling, not just that, but his own wife and child are blown up in a car bomb. So, he asks a favor of Diesel to get him out of this prison, because he isn’t safe here, and a transfer to another prison is needed to save her life. So, he makes it happen.

A badge means nothing to Diesel. So, he gets his guns together, calls up some friends, and they start taking people out. One of the higher-ups is a guy named Hollywood. Diesel doesn’t have too much of a beef, until he finds out the guy is a hair-dresser. Well, that doesn’t sit well, because a real man isn’t a hair dresser. Unless hair dresser is code for Mercenary. or something. In this case, he isn’t, and gets dealt with. After going through the head-quarters of Diablo, and killing any and all involved, he finds out that Diablo is in fact, on snaps, the original drug dealer he put away.

Yup, he killed his own wife and kid. Basically I assume to avoid a divorce, and then the kid, well, c’mon, just how many fucking times can you watch The Wiggles and not have to deal with it?

Anyways, Diesel is cool with it, because he found $5 on a dead guy, and all is well. But because he also refuses to let any sissy get one up on him, he tracks him down and arrests his ass.

So, the moral here is, don’t kill a loved one of Vin Diesel if that said loved one owes him any money. Dig it.

Man Movie Encyclopedia Tally:
1-Liners: 0
Guys Beat Up: 4
Guys Killed: 38
Swear Words: 113
Boobies: 6
Explosions: 2
Slow-Motion Scenes: 7
Car Chases: 0
Foot Chases: 2
Broken Bones: 0
Fight At A Motel: Nope
Guy Gets The Girl: Nope
Guy Smoke?: Yes

Man-Facts:
The scene where Vin beats the drug dealer to death was cut by  7 seconds because it was too burly and awesome for the pussy asses at the MPAA. The public needs to see a dude spitting out bloody pieces of teeth. NEEDS IT.

It was going to be called El Diablo, but then Blizzard [the gaming company] was going to sue. Really? Were people going to confuse a Vin Diesel movie with an RPG style computer game? Then again, people are so fucking stupid and slow…

Box-Office Business:
It cost around 36million to create, and ended up bringing in around 26 mill. Not a home run, but not all good movies slam it out of the park.

A Man Apart trailer:

Head-Butt Rating:

Your boy gives this one 3 and a half head-butts. It’s not a man-tastic classic, but it’s definitely worth a watch.

– Caliber

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~ by Caliber Winfield on July 4, 2011.

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