Man Movie Encyclopedia: Exit Wounds

Movie: Exit Wounds
Star: Steven Seagal
Year: 2001
Director: Andrzej Bartkowiak

Steven Seagal’s last big theatrical hoorah, and one hell of an underrated classic.

As the late 1990’s came, people like Van Damme and Seagal were having miss after miss. Both disappeared for awhile until a man named Andrzej Bartkowaik came along and directed three hip-hop influenced martial arts films. Exit Wounds was the 2nd of the three features, and in my opinion the best. The other two are Romeo Must Die, and Cradle 2 The Grave, both starring Jet Li. So, come 2001, we saw Seagal back in our theaters with Exit Wounds, it flopped at the box office unfortunately, because this is easily one of Seagal’s best films and a really loaded action film.

The film starts off with Boyd [Seagal] being a bad-ass by being late to his job. If you can’t beat the hell outta anyone, then be late, that’s the mark of a bad-ass. Anyways, the Vice-President is in town giving a speech. Now that he’s on his way out, he’s ambushed on a bridge, his police escorts are taken down by a wall of gun fire, and a helicopter with .50 caliber machine gun has come in to aid the guys on the bridge. All cops are told to stand down, because some of the baddies are dressed as the po-po. Did that sound like an order? Well, we all know what Boyd does with an order, baby. He rushes the bridge, kills everyone, blows the helicopter up with a 9mm handgun, and throws the VP off the bridge. No joke. So, because he’s a one-man factory that pumps out awesome 24/7, the bureaucrats get all over his shit and send him to a new station that is unfavored.

While out one night, he notices something that isn’t right, and discovers a drug deal going down. Fuck back-up, it’s Boyd Time. He bust in on DMX and some other guy talking shop, and starts whooping ass. He fights a tool box, a dude with a saw used for cutting metal, and after doing the deed, he finds out the other guy is a cop and this was some under cover stuff. Oh well, at least he got to beat someone up. Hell, Boyd probably knew that and was pissed off because this cop was being a total pussy. Police work? Pssh, no one was getting shot to shit or getting the business end of everything upside their face.

As it goes along, a police storage facility was jacked for 5 million dollars worth of heroin. Curious as to who was behind this, Boyd checks out a club that’s owned by a friend of DMX. Once in there, instead of asking questions, Boyd just starts beating the hell outta people because it’s Tuesday. DMX and his friend get away, but we find out X has a brother in jail, so Boyd has a lead. We later find out that his brother was sent up for being a heroin dealer.

As the plot thickens, Boyd and his partner now suspect that the cop who said he was undercover is actually dirty. Sure enough, we find out that he and DMX are working together to sell and purchase heroin from one another.

While going out to do something cool, like set fire to a place where PETA meets or something, he’s jumped and thrown into a black van. It turns out to be the same cop from earlier and some of his cop buddies, and, well it’s either time for rape or murder. Seems they’re going for murder. Naturally, because Boyd isn’t a bitch he kicks the hell outta everyone in the van, causes it to crash, and escapes. The cop, Mantini, had let it be known that DMX paid them to murder Boyd.

Boyd is pretty pissed that peeps tried to kill him. Really, the only thing that pisses him off more is assholes who like Family Guy.

So, he heads out to find DMX and does so. They do a bit of fighting, and the thing that annoys me is that Steven Seagal,9 times outta 10, his opponent never hits him. But this time around? DMX lays all sorts of blows on the Seagal man. Are you fucking kidding me? DMX? What, was Don Knotts not available? Pssh. Anyways, the bomb gets dropped when we find out that DMX isn’t a bad guy. He’s actually a millionaire who made it big during the big Dot.Com hype. His brother was framed for this heroin thing, and so now DMX has set up a new identity and is trying to capture these dirty cops with audio and visual. Him and Boyd are now buddies, and out for the same thing.

Later that night, a big buy is going down, and we find out just who’s on who’s side. There’s actually some interesting twists. Boyd has his shotgun and starts blowing peeps away, and then has a pretty cool sword fight with the Big Boss. However, they aren’t swords, but you know those paper cutter blades that are massive? Yeah, those. Of course Boyd has trained with these, and whoops some ass. Hell, there’s nothing Boyd hasn’t trained with. He once blew up a tank with his dick. Don’t ask how, he just did. DMX has his own fight/shoot out as well, and it isn’t bad either. Honestly, the whole 3rd act is fucking awesome. Tons of great action and cool twists. So, anyways, Boyd kills a bunch of people, and everyone is happy.

Official Man Movie Encyclopedia Tally
1-Liners: 4
Guys Beat Up: 8
Guys Killed: 33
Swear Words: 95
Boobies: 13
Explosions: 8
Slow-Motion Scenes: 43
Foot Chase: 1
Car Chase: 1
Broken Bones: 0
Fight/Shoot-Out At Motel?: No
Guy Get Girl?: No
Guy Smoke?: No

1-Liners:
[Boyd is getting chewed out, and his Captain gets on him about throwing the VP over the bridge]
Boyd: I didn’t vote for him

[Boyd and his commanding officer are in a car as he tells her about all the bad shit going down with the dirty cops]
Mulcahy: Are you positive? What proof do you have?
[all the dirty cops come flying out with shotguns, lighting up the car]
Boyd: That proof enough?

[Mulcahy is trying to get away, smashing into everything and finally crashing through a giant window and back onto the street]
Boyd:  I always said women are bad drivers.

[Chief Hinges just pumped a few shotgun shells into a dirty cop]
Hinges: You’re fired!

Box-Office Business:
Cost a cool $33 million dollars to produce, and ended up doing $53 million in returns. I know today that’s not a lot of money, but for a film staring Seagal and DMX, in 2001, that’s damn impressive.

Man-Facts:
The scene where Boyd is kidnapped, and everyone jumps out of the van resulted in an actual death. One of the stuntmen was suppose to roll right on out, but hit his head and died 6 days later.

Screenplay is an adaptation of a book that was written by a former police officer.

The guy who plays Montini was actually arrested and charged with committing sexual assault on the set. Well, there is 13 boobies in this movie, it’d be tough to not try and cop a feel.

Trailer:

Rating:

 

5 out of 5 Head-Butts

This movie is a no-fucking-doubt action classic. Easily one of Seagal’s best. It’s got a great plot, with some nice twists, great action with everything from shoot-outs, car chases, and fight scenes peppered through-out. It’s fucking awesome. Tom Arnold is awesome as always, and I believe underrated as a comedic actor. Great movie. It’s streaming on netflix if you have it, so check it out.

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~ by Caliber Winfield on August 10, 2011.

15 Responses to “Man Movie Encyclopedia: Exit Wounds”

  1. Dude you should review Marked for Death just for the awesome quote.

    “One thought he was invincible and the other thought he could fly, they were both wrong.”

  2. Just beat Comix Zone and I’m pretty sure its one of the hardest games ever.

  3. “God made man!”

    Man, that movie is super rocking. You got it though, buckshot. I’ll have that bad-boy up within a week…

  4. Cool!

  5. Comix Zone is super hard, I can’t best lvl 1. It’s ikaruga tough, well maybe not but ikaruga is the hardest game ever made

  6. Only reason I beat it was because I got it from PS Plus and had the save feature.

  7. I have no idea what you nerds are talking about.

    The only video games out there worth playing are the Resident Evil titles, and the N64 wrestling games.

    • Ikaruga is a space shoot ’em up like gradius and raiden. There are many titles out there that are worth playing that aren’t resident evil,

  8. Resident Evil 0-3 aren’t good anyway. On top of that the new one looks horrible.

  9. Oh, I saw a review of Ikaruga on maddox’s website.

    Sebastian, you’re young, you don’t know anything. You’re one of those nerds who can’t handle the controls in the original RE titles. Get with it, they’re crunk. RE4 is INSANELY fantastic, and RE5 is the bottom of the Resident Evil pile, but still great.

  10. I’ve played the orginal Resident Evil games (some of them) and I’m actually pretty good at them, still don’t like em… except for maybe 2.

  11. By the way Batman Arkham Asylum and Uncharted are both awesome . Also being old doesn’t mean you have more wisdom, it just means you’re old.

  12. By the way, it was Antoine Byrne who msg me…he said…

    “…HEY YOU LITTLE FAT FAG DONT TALK TO MY SON ANY MORE.YOUR NOT COOL YOUR A LITTLE FAT FAG DONT MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE AND FUCK YOU UP BOY…”

    HEY YOU LITTLE FAT FAG DONT TALK TO MY SON ANY MORE.YOUR NOT COOL YOUR A LITTLE FAT FAG DONT MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE AND FUCK YOU UP BOY…
    DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU ARE A WRASTLER.. I DO MANUAL CONSTRUCTINION ALL DAY BOY.I WEIGH IN AT 225 THATS MUSCFLE NOT FAT AND BENCH 325 MULTIPLE TIMES WITH OUT BREAKING A SWEAT…WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE FATR GAY BOY!!! NO MORE FAG COMMENTS GOT IT..”

    I simply responded with…

    Haha, well, it’s no wonder you work construction, you can’t figure out how to take CAP LOCKS off.

    Also, it’s “you’re”, not “your” when you’re calling someone something.

  13. Who is antoine byrne? Uncharted is one of the freshest ideas in gaming this decade, With the 3rd installment coming this fall, I’m excited, it truly is like watching an action film, like Indiana Jones meets Lethal Weapon.

    PS Steven Seagal’s finest moment was in executive decision when he got blown away at high altitude.

  14. I’ve heard Uncharted is pretty cool, and very Indiana Jones esq, which peaks my interest…

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