Man Movie Encyclopedia: Death Warrant

Movie: Death Warrant
Star: Jean-Claude Van Damme
Year: 1991
Director: Daran Sarafian

This is of course the film that Frank Darrabont ripped off when he made The Shawshank Redemption.

The film starts off with Van Damme on the hunt for a notorious serial killer who refers to himself as The Sandman. Now, what makes The Sandman a bad-ass is that he just prances around in a rob and PJs. I mean, finally we get a serial killer with a gimmick. He also has bed-bead, which is awesome because bed-head is the man’s man’s hair cut. He also shaves his eyebrows, because frankly, eyebrows just make you look stupid. They meet face to face, and Van Damme drops a few slugs into the chest of the Sandman. Dreams over, bitch!


16 months later, there are some evil going-ons at a prison, and for some reason this is big-time news to these board room guys. Well, they need an undercover man, and who else to go undercover in an LA prison than a Canadian Mountie? Van Damme is up for it, and ready to rock some shit. He’s assigned a liaison to relay information back and forth with, a decent looking chick that’s good as fucked. So, Van Damme is off to the pen to find out who’s been killing inmates with a puncture to the back of the head, and why.

Well, Van Damme makes enemies pretty quick because he’d been there a day and hadn’t given anyone a spin kick to their stupid face. So, he fills that quota in the lunch-line, and now it’s go time.


Van Damme does a few things to acquire information, such as almost making a guy drink piss, and hanging out with a guy named Priest who has white eyes and a couple of transexual hookers who make it known they want to fuck Van Damme. But then again, who doesn’t?

The guy who almost had to drink piss made a mistake by being a stoolie, and he has to pay the appropriate amount by being set on fire in his cell. I wish they would have tried that on Van Damme, because I’ve always wanted to see The Muscles from Brussels fight an element. One day, perhaps.

Anyways, Van Damme finds out what’s been going on here, and he’s no fan. If anyone is gonna kill people, it’s him, motherfucker. But oh snaps, it turns out that as per usual, he’s been causing some waves, and the prison gets a new inmate.

The Sandman! Oh shit!

They end up doing much battle, and I’ll leave you to see who wins that one. Here’s a hint, Van Damme kicks Sandman into a furnace.

Official Man Movie Encyclopedia Tally:
1-Liners:  1
Guys Beat Up: 8
Guys Killed: 6
Swear Words: 27
Boobies: 2
Explosions: 1
Slow-Motion Scenes: 14
Foot Chase: 1
Car Chase: 0
Broken Bones: 0
Fight/Shoot-Out At Motel?: Nope
Guy Get Girl?: Yeap
Guy Smoke?: Nope

1-Liners:
[Van Damme just got done pumping a few slugs into The Sandman]
Burke:
You’re under arrest

Box-Office Business:
Couldn’t find how much it cost to make, but I’m thinking 2-3 million, maybe. It ended up bringing in 46 million dollars, world wide.

Man-Facts:
This was flimed before Lionheart [1991] but released afterward.

It debuted at No. 3

David S. Goyer wrote this film, as it was his first. He went on to write the Blade triology, as well as The Dark Knight and other big time movies.

Trailer:

Head-Butts:

3 & 3/4 Head-Butts out of 5.

It’s a good film, but it’s far from Van Damme’s best. It’s actually more of a drama, to be honest. There isn’t that much fighting, or other forms of action. It’s a mystery/crime thriller sorta film. It’s different for Van Damme’s glory days, but that doesn’t mean it sucks, it’s just no Double Impact.

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~ by Caliber Winfield on August 31, 2011.

9 Responses to “Man Movie Encyclopedia: Death Warrant”

  1. I shave my eyebrows, and my favorite color is plaid. I’m the hariest and manliest guy ever.

  2. Silly man, there is no way on Earth you’re harrier than I am. I’m a Wolfman…

  3. Dude, the only part of my body that doesn’t grow wolf-like hair is my sides, where my ribs are…my hair starts at my pinkies, goes up my both my arms, to my shoulders, down my chest and back, up my neck, and so forth…if this were 1864 I’d be hunted down as The Wolfman, I guarantee it.

  4. I don’t buy it, we will have a contest, one which i’ll win. When I drive i have to have the windows up, even on the hottest of days, because my arm hair is so manly that it blows in the wind creating a virtual sail that makes my car shift positions whenever a change in wind direction happens. I can also no longer go swimming in public pools cause my body hair soaks up all the water like a mop, i havent been swimming since puberty. You sir have nothing on me.

  5. All right, so where were the 2 boobies? I kept waiting (nay, praying) for Amanda Beckett to light up a room with her headlamps, but the most we got was the bra shot when there were no female guards available. I demand answers!

  6. You know, I didn’t think she was that attractive in the beginning, but then I warmed up to her.

    Even though it was a bit out of place, I liked the computer hacker kid.

    Anyways, you gotta pay attention, baby. The boobies happen when her and Van Damme get their sex on, during the congical visit. It’s brief, but they’re there, oh, they’re there.

  7. Hey Caliber, the actress you’re referring to is named Cynthia Gibb, she showed a lot more nudity in the 1986 film “Youngblood”, I thought that movie was a slow, meandering mess, but her nude scene was easily 5 stars.
    She was also in this weird movie I remember Showtime playing a lot when I was a kid, “Jack’s Back”, which was yet another tiresome Jack The Ripper tale.

    • Ah yes, that’s the one. Huh, I’ll have to look up that scene.

      Man, I’ve seen a few of those Jack the Ripper movies, they sure are crap. Although the one with Depp wasn’t bad.

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