Man Movie Encyclopedia: Revenge of the Ninja
Movie: Revenge of the Ninja
Star: Sho Kosugi
Year: 1983
Director: Sam Firstenberg
This movie was released not only on my birthday, but the very actual day I was born. Not to mention I saw this film probably 50 times when I was a kid. It helped to plant the seeds of mandom. Although, in a cool way, not like the Romans where they believed in order to become a man you had to ingest the semen of an adult. Bummer.
One of the reasons Revenge of the Ninja is so bad-ass is because of how well people can relate to it. The beginning is a perfect example.
How many times have you been having a perfect day at your scenic Japanese house, when a team of rad-sauce ninjas come and fuck up the whole shabang? It’s kind of like this sort of thing just happens. Like you could be getting your tires changed, and a ninja pops out from behind, or in, the free popcorn. You’re mobbing at the pornoshop, you pop a boner and BAM! ninja star right in the dick.
Anyways, some old person tries to save the day, and just fucks up. Like all old people, he’s useless. I mean, there’s a team of deadly ninja, and he attempts to defuse the situation with a garden ho? Why would you do that when you have a perfectly good wife right there? Just chuck her in the way and start bookin it. Well, as it can be imagined, the ninja kill everyone. Even a little kid. The father comes home, our hero, Cho, played by Sho Kosugi and like all true men he senses something is up. Why? Because it’s TOO quiet. I cannot wait until the day I know something is up because it’s TOO quiet.
He lays to waste all the ninja like the bad-ass he is. It’s really a fantastic way to open the film, giving yet another reason why this is probably the greatest ninja film of all time.
Now, because of this he’s got no reason to stick around. He’s gonna go to America, find some new blonde, and sell rockin’ Japanese dolls. However, he has a rich, white, American friend/business partner. You can never trust the rich white American.
OK, it’s some time later. About 8 years. Business is booming. The baby survived the massacre and is now living in America with Cho, his grandmother, and Cho’s new babe named Kathy. She’s a spicey little number.
While things might be going good, things are not as they seem. As I stated, the rich, white, American was not to be trusted. The dude is actually a ninja, and he’s been selling mountains of coke by putting it in the dolls. Cho’s son breaks a doll, thus spilling all the booger sugar. Welp, Braden [the white dude] thinks this just won’t do, so the kid has to die. He gets in his ninja gear and tries to make the grab, but things don’t go as planned. So, he hypnotizes Kathy into kidnapping the kid, naturally that plan goes smooth as silk.
Well, Cho finds out what’s going on and he’s a little pissed. He realizes that Braden was behind the death of his family, he’s kidnapped his new girl and his son. Who the FUCK is gonna cook him dinner and mow the yard now? Like hell he’s gonna. So, it’s time to break the seal on his ninja sword and become the ninja once again. His cop buddy tries to offer help, but Cho informs him, as well as us, the golden rule of ninitsu.
Only a ninja, can kill a ninja.
If you don't want caltrops all up in your gril, then don't be a prick and go walking down a hall all casually.
The final battle takes place a top an office building. If you’ve been a fan of my site for a while you know that I consider this one of the all time greatest fight scenes. It’s truly epic. If I were stupid enough to get married, I’d have this playing for my and my wife’s first dance. Just peep the scene;
That shit is just poetry.
Official Man Movie Encyclopedia Tally:
1-Liners: 0
Guys Beat Up: 21
Guys Killed: 33
Swear Words: 14
Boobies: 2
Explosions: 0
Slow-Motion Scenes: 2
Foot Chase: 1
Car Chase: 1
Broken Bones: 1
Fight/Shoot-Out At Motel?: No
Guy Get Girl?: Yes
Guy Smoke?: No
1-Liners:
Box-Office Business:
No real data on the budget, but if I had to guess I’d say around a million or so. It ended up bringing in about 13 million. Which, in 1983, is pretty damn good. That’d be about 30-40 million today.
Man-Facts:
This film is the 2nd in a loose trilogy, all of which contain Sho, and ninjas, but that’s really the only link. The first stars Franco Nero, an action hero in France, and it’s titled Enter the Ninja. The 3rd is about an evil ninja spirit possessing an aerobics chick, that one is titled Ninja III: The Domination.
Suppose to take place in California, but it’s very much filmed in Salt Lake City, Utah. They went there because Utah promised no location fees, shooting permits, or any of the shit that California will always try and hit you with.
The bad-assed final scene took two weeks to shoot. Considering the whole movie took 8 weeks to film, it’s impressive they took 1/4th of the time to put care into the final battle. It shows.
Trailer:
Head-Butts:
5 out of 5 Head-Butts. It’s the greatest ninja film ever made, and a true 80’s action classic. Before you watch it however, make sure you’re manly enough, because only a ninja can watch a ninja.
Str8 Gangster, No Chaser 