The Next Best Thing: Halloween 2-8 Part-2

This week we’re gonna conclude the Halloween franchise with 6-8.

The rage, Micheal, the rage…

Now, before we get started, let me state first that there’s two versions. One is the version you see on TV, or on DVD. The second is a bootleg known as The Producers cut, which is the first movie they made before doing rewrites and reshoots.

The Plot:
Micheal Myers is controlled by a cult, and they’re aiming to destroy the Myers blood line. Because if they do, then a full family sacrifice is complete, and the crops will now harvest, or some stupid, ridiculous plot-line.

What Works:
Honestly, nothing. This movie is an abysmal piece of shit. I guess, to be fair, the only thing that works is once again, Donald Pleasence. But other than that, NOTHING.

What Doesn’t:
Shit, where do I begin? First off, Micheal is controlled by a cult? How stupid is that. He’s a force of evil, that’s all the explanation we fucking need. The idea of him not being in control just completely erases anything cool about Micheal. Now, at the end of 5, the man in black frees Micheal and kidnaps Jamie. She’s in the cults possession up until the beginning of this film in which she flees with her baby. Micheal is of course after her and the baby, to end the Myers blood line. Now, this right here doesn’t make sense. If the Thorn Cult wants to kill all the Myers, why on Earth would they let Jamie get pregnant?  In the producers cut, we find out that Micheal is the father! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHO THE FUCK WROTE THIS SHIT?! That is mind-numbling stupid. The fact that for years I heard how great The Producer’s was is disgusting. This film is a sack of shit. Both versions are beyond terrible, and a huge black-eye to the series, and horror films in general.

How Was Micheal Killed Forever:
In The Producer’s cut, the unstoppable evil, the man who’d been burnt to death, and shot a million times was stopped by a few rocks. No joke. Tommy set up a few rocks and wrote something in blood and that stopped Micheal cold. End of story. That was truly it. In the theatrical version, Tommy injects Micheal with a bunch of tranquilizers and then beats him with a led pipe until green stuff comes out of the eye holes in his mask. No joke.

Favorite Moment:
When Micheal causes the asshole step-father’s head to explode, that was pretty cool. So, much to my surprise, there actually is something cool to talk about in this film.

Box-Office:
Cost a cool 5 mill to create 2 unbelievably terrible films. It raked in 15 mill, and how so is BEYOND me.

Caliber’s Rating:
* * out of 5. It’s not just the worst of the series, but truly one of the worst slashers ever.

Gratuitous Danielle Harris Pic:

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Plot:
Laurie Strode has faked her death, and is currently living with her 17 year old son in a small town in Southern California. She’s growing uneasy as it approaches the 20th anniversary of what happened in Haddonfield. Her paranoia controls not only her life, but her sons. However, her paranoia isn’t unfounded. As far as H20 is concerned, parts 4, 5, or 6 do not exist.

What Works:
It’s the opposite of The Curse of Micheal Myers, because everything works. I can honestly say that there are days when I think this is the best of the Halloween franchise. Jamie Lee Curtis is great as Laurie Strode. She’s still a strong, smart character, but has become an alcoholic, pill popping, neurotic mess because of what she went through, and the fact that Micheal is still out there. Her son is smart, in that he totally sees what his mother is becoming, and has fears that she’s projecting all of this mess on him. He’s got a cute little girlfriend, and friends that aren’t deeply fleshed out, but enough that it doesn’t just make them Micheal fodder. The film has some great kills, chase scenes, and moments of suspense. The final battle is AWESOME. I’ve never seen a slasher so evenly matched in their protagonist counterpart. It’s great, especially with it ending with her lobbing off Micheal’s head. I can’t say enough.

What Doesn’t:
My only complaint is the mask changes through out the film. Reason being is they didn’t have the rights to the exact style of the mask, I guess. So they kept drumming up different types, from different creators and they’d get used here and there. Also, you see Micheal’s eyes too much. It’s a lot scarier and cooler when the eyes are just two black holes, adds to the threat. But honestly, that’s it, that’s my only complaint.

How Was Micheal Killed Forever:
He had his fucking head chopped off. There is NO coming back from that…oh, wait.

Favorite Moment:
I have two. The first is when Laurie’s son and his girlfriend are running from Micheal while he keeps a stern pace. They finally find refuge when Laurie opens a door and they slide in at the last moment. Right then as she shuts the door, Micheal’s face appears in the window the same time as Laurie’s. Right then, her fears for the past 20 years have all come to fruition. People telling her she was crazy, and needed to let it go have all been proven wrong. Micheal, who’s hunted for Laurie all these years is now is finally face to face with her. Both people, who’ve had nothing but each other on their minds for 20 years are separated by only a door. It’s a great moment. My other favorite is when she cuts his head-off. Because it comes at this almost tender moment when Micheal reaches out for Laurie, and she reaches back, only to TADOW, lob his motherfucking dome off. Great shit.

Box-Office:
They went big this time, and it cost them a cool 17 million. It paid off though, as it got rave reviews as well as a 55 million dollar box-office.

Caliber’s Rating:
* * * * * out of 5

Gratuitous Danielle Harris Pic:

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The Plot:
An entertainment company has a big idea for Halloween. Have a group of people hold up in Micheal Myers house and broadcast it on the internet. Naturally, they didn’t have a shooting permit and Inspector Myers is here to collect the fine, bitches.

What Works:
The director from part 2, Rick Rosenthal is back. Now, although people tend to shit on this sequel, he makes sure that it actually retains a lot of kick ass stuff. There’s a couple really kick ass kills that help this film stand out. Plus, the whole broadcasting the massacre online is a great idea.

What Doesn’t:
A lot of people will immediately think of Busta Rhymes using martial arts on Micheal as something that doesn’t work. I never saw a problem with it. He was watching a kung-fu movie earlier, and he’s obviously got some athletic skill, so why not try it? It’s just people nit-picking again, really. The characters weren’t that great, and the blonde girl was especially annoying. Why anyone was trying to get on her jock is beyond me. The whole thing at the end with her txting the guy and what not was pretty stupid too. Also, the explanation as to how she killed the wrong guy was quite a stretch, but I’ll give them points for trying, and being pretty creative.

How Was Micheal Killed Forever:
He was electrocuted and burnt alive. Again.

Favorite Moment:
The obnoxious blond bitch getting her head lobbed the fuck right off.

Box-Office:
It cost a cool $13 million dollars, but brought in 37.5 mill. Even though it was hated, Micheal still brought in the big bucks.

Caliber’s Rating:
* * * 3/4 out of 5.
Honestly, it’s not as bad as everyone says, so check it out.

Gratuitous Danielle Harris Jennifer Love Hewitt Pic:
I ran out of Danielle, so we’re gonna go with JLH, because they’re similar, and JLH is painfully hot.

~ by Caliber Winfield on November 18, 2011.