Movies The World Is Wrong About….Scarface

The greatest gangster film of all time? One can only assume that asinine statement is a work of nepotism, because one of Al Pacino’s relatives HAD to come up with that.

Scarface is far from the greatest gangster film of all time, and in no way shape, or form belongs in the same class as any of Scorsese’s opus’, or the Johnny Depp driven bio-pic about the Medillin Cartel’s Americano Boston George, the greatest film about cocaine ever, Blow. Hell, Boyz N The Hood and the lesser known Paid in Full are better than Scarface.

The reason people praise it, is because that’s what they think they should do. As if it were something you had to say you loved for fear of banishment, or being forced to wear the scarlet letter. Well, fire up the witch hunt again, because I’ll dance at the end of a rope if it means being the first to say, the first to scream towards the heavens that yes, yes my friends, Scarface sucks.

I don’t think I’ve seen a film with such…poorly executed characters.

We have Tony, who’s so soft spoken most of the time that you can barely hear him. His best friend Manny who’s literally trying to fuck anything that moves. Seriously, I’ve known guys with more-than-advanced-libidos, but Manny might as well be wearing a NASCAR suit with Viagra plastered all over it, as if he’s shooting it up when no one looks. The skull is the face of Death. Manny’s is the face of date-rape. Then we have Frank, who laughs at EVERYTHING. Like one of those assholes that laugh at their own jokes, just like Two & A Half Men, or The Big Bang Theory. He not only laughs at everything, but he does it like if everyone in a 10 mile radius doesn’t hear him, then he won’t be able to wear cheap leisure suits that show off his chest hair-plugs. Now, what do Tony & Frank have in common? They’re both in love with Elvira! Who wouldn’t?! She never smiles, she never has ANYTHING nice to say, she never enjoys anything, she has the body of a 10 year old boy, and she doesn’t fuck the help. I mean, Oliver Stone may have done a few great pictures, but his writing here was beyond pathetic. How on Earth would anyone dig Elvira? She’s a miserable bitch who does nothing but complain. It’s ludicrous. One of the more ridiculous aspects of the film.

Any gangster picture shows the rise of the gangster, and how things get done. What do we see here? Tony is lucky enough to have Frank take him under his wing. Teach him the game. Show him the ropes, and what does Tony do? He makes deals behind his back and tries to fuck Frank’s woman. Well, why wouldn’t Frank try and kill him then? That goes wrong, Tony kills Frank, then what? Just as Tony gets on top we don’t get to see anything cool. We don’t get to see where he gets his coke, how he gets it, none of it. We get the montage, to one of the most awesome and ridiculous songs of the 80’s, which was best used in South Park. This film just drags on, and on, with really nothing too interesting happening. With films like Blow, Goodfellas, or Casino, something is happening all the damn time. Constantly drawing you in. What do we get? Tony and his weird, weird obsession with his sister. Something truly incestuous. I mean, why won’t you just let your sister fuck some dude in a club bathroom stall? It’s classy shit.

An important part of a movie is the music. Scarface, has hands done, one of the worst soundtracks and scores ever. Hell, can we even call it a score? When it’s not an actual song, any music we hear is this really loud, one note-snyth being played. It’s fucking terrible. Now, I love 80’s music, but they chose the absolute worse 80’s tunes they could find. Now of course, the big, classic song is “Push It To The Limit” to the montage of Tony’s uprising, and that song only kicks ass because of how corny it is. South Park did it true justice.

Now, I don’t want to be that cynic, and just bitch about everything. The final scene in Scarface is one of the best in cinema. It’s a great battle scene, and Tony being coked out of his mind, on the verge of insanity, wielding the AR-15 with M203 grenade launcher [yeah, the same Arnold uses in Predator] is the stuff dreams are made of. In that moment, he says you’re fuckin’ with the best, and for that moment, maybe. So, where the fuck is this action, excitement, and great story telling in the rest of the film?

Oh, and why did Tony say he was gonna carve that dude up, and then just stab him once? It’s like Phoenix Marie reciting every elicit thought as a promise and then just holding my hand as she read from the book of Mormon.

Scarface sucks.

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~ by Caliber Winfield on December 4, 2011.

4 Responses to “Movies The World Is Wrong About….Scarface”

  1. Hmm, guess Scarface does suck.

  2. See, that’s what people should do. They read an opinion I have, and pretty much know that I’m right, thus, agreeing with me.

  3. 2.5 men and big bang theory are awesome. I love to watch them. men men men men-men men-men men men.

  4. You’re right Caliber. The last fifteen minutes is the only bit worth watching. The only bit where I can sit through Pacino’s constantly annoying overacting. First his sister tells him to fuck her while trying to shoot him, that’s cool. Then they say hello to his little friend. The other four hours: incredibly frustrating. Even King Of Ney York is better than that shit.

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