Monday Nitro – January 17th, 2000
Reviewed by Sebastian Howard
The NWO arrive backstage from a limo and Nash says they’re going to go make history.
1st Match: Billy Kidman vs Psychosis
Great way to start this show off. Lock up 1# leads to a headlock reversed to a hip toss, more reversals and it ends with Kidman hitting a nice rana. Kidman catches Psycho in the corner with a boot and a nice crossbody off the top for two. Kidman with a whip but he misses a crossbody to the outside. Psychosis hits a suicide dive to the outside! This match is pretty badass! Kidman back in and Psychosis hits a nice spinning kick off the top for two. Psychosis jaws with the Ref (Charles Robinson). Psychosis chokes Kidman under the ropes. Psychosis is a pretty good heel here getting pretty good heat. Kidman comes back with a clothesline for two. Kidman gets caught with a backbreaker for two from Psychosis. They go outside and then back in for no real reason. Psychosis taunts again. Okay this is getting tiresome. Psychosis goes to the top but Kidman catches him with a badass dropkick. Kidman catches Psychosis with a nice springboard bulldog for two. Kidman puts Psychosis on top but Psychosis fights back and hits a pancake superplex for a close two count. Kidman catches him mid flppy move and trhows him down in the mat in a nice reversal. Psychosis hits a DDT and then goes back to the top with a guillotine legdrop for two. Its like they’re just repeating stuff now. Psychosis goes for a powerbomb but you can’t powerbomb Kidman and he hits the facebuster reversal for the win.
3.5/5.0 Repeated some stuff but the crowd was really into it and I’m pretty happy that we started off with a good match and not some stupid David Flair shit.
According to some guy with an NWO shirt RAW=Really Awful Wrestling. Dude, you’re on Nitro! W, See, Dubbya! They cut to an Arn Anderson promo that the classy WCW fans chant boring to. Arn just kind of recounts last nights events on the main event and it is pretty boring actually as he doesn’t really say anything important. Arn says that Sid’s leg was under the rope even though it wasn’t at the ppv and Sid tapped anyway. So the titles vacated again. We get photos from the main event and Sid’s foot was under the rope. So why not just have a rematch or something?
NWO goes into their lockeroom and have two Goldberg like guys guarding them. Who’s going to screw with the NWO anyway? Arn Anderson? There’s three of you!
So the other guy Caliber who reviews the shows here says he’s looking forward to Booker T and Big T feud over the letter T. Booker T cuts a nonsensical promo and says he’s going to show his brother what its about and can you dig that?
So Stevie Ray comes out with Big T to make the New Harlem Heat. Ugh, I didn’t like the original Harlem Heat! Now it doesn’t even have Booker T, just two big power dudes though to be fair I haven’t seen Big T in action. Stevie Ray calls the crowd a bunch of crackers. What a fucking assclown! If someone other than Booker T yelled nigger on live TV they’d be in a lot of shit. But because black people were treated badly by a bunch of people with poor education and bad parenting means they get to have a stupid channel made “just for them.” Fuck it, where’s my White TV? [Note From Caliber: Where’s your White TV? ABC, NBC, CBS, and Fox. Oh, and CNN, MSNBC, and Fox News. Also, BET is nothing but a detriment to black folk. But this is all discussion for a different website, really] I want to watch nothing but racist Bugs Bunny cartoons with that stereotypical black guy. Not really but do you see my point here?
Okay Booker t gets into a brawl with Big T in their clothes and its pretty much over before I can even bold it. Booker T squashes Big T making him look like a pussy but Booker gets distracted by Stevie and Big hits Booker with some kind of shillelagh or something for the win.
2nd Match: Disco Inferno vs Vampiro
Well this match should be pretty good. Something I didn’t see before, Vampiro’s arm bands have the Misfit’s skeleton head logo on them which is pretty cool. Vampiro wipes the floor with Disco untill missing a moonsault. Disco sends Vampiro to the outside as Vito and Johnny the Bull, who are part of an Italian tag team/stable with Disco work over Vampiro. Clothesline by Disco for two. Neckbreaker for two. Disco goes to the second rope, dances, and then goes for an elbow which Vampiro dodges. He goes to the top and hits a spinny wheel move followed by a bulldog and then a kick to the outside of the ring. Stable throws Disco back in and Vampiro hits his Scoopslam of death for the win.
2.5/5.0 Pretty short but it was still a pretty good match.
NWO get whores backstage and argue over weather or not to play Twister.
Three Count dances in the ring while Mike Tenay bitches about this “bubblegum” music. David Flair and Crowbar come to the ring but are attacked on the outside by Three Count with some nice flippy moves. Back in the ring and STACY FUCKING KIBELER’S OUTSIDE THE FUCKING RING! AND SHE’S NEXT TO FUCKING DAFFNEY!!!!! HOLY SHIT!
Excuse me, have to go back to being a professional rather than a fifteen year old horny boy. One of the guys from Three Count hits on Daffney and she hisses at him. My friend Mark informs me this happens to him all the time. Now Stacy’s leaving, NO MY BEAUTIFUL AND BELOVED, NO! DON’T LEAVE ME!!!!
Daffney makes out with David Flair and then David holds the rope down and Crowbar hits something inside the ring to retain the Tag Titles.
2.5/5.0 Really fast paced match and they kept cutting to stupid shit but it seemed alright. Now Three Count go back to dancing while injured. Pretty funny.
The whores leave and Nash says he took pictures or something. Y’know the company was supposed to be in a lot of trouble when Nash took over but so far this shows been solid.
3rd Match (well its really like the fourth but the others just started randomly) Mastero w/ Symphony (he’s a fucking dude who’s gimmick is that he’s good at conducting music and Symphony is a hot chick) vs Tank Abbot
Tank like pushes Mastero… and Tank wins. I’m not rating this. And some guy in a football jersey came out and is challenging Tank. Meng is right behind Norman Smiley (dude with football jersey) and Meng stares at Tank. We then cut backstage to all of the wrestlers walking to the ring. Nash is going to address the entire WCW roster.
A shit load of wrestlers walk out and about seventy-five percent of them I’m clueless to. Oh wait, the two guys who look like Goldberg are the Harris Brothers. I guess it gives them something to do. Nash comes out last with the Harris Brothers and tells Mike Tenay he’s going to give him a personality, Tank a heart, Norman courage, and someone else a brain. Nash says he sounds like Oz. Wait, you mean that shitty wrestler in WCW? Fans are chanting for Goldberg. Nash just gives Jeff the belt which is really fucking stupid and then they hug each other. So last nights PPV was totally worthless? Nash is making rules and tells everyone that they should see the Dr (Who?), they’re all going to be in the same locker room, everyone will address him as the master, no one will ask what’s the deal with the world title, and then says no substances will be allowed. He tells Lex he can’t use Viagra anymore, Lex’s reaction is pretty funny. Nash asks Buff if he’s putting his stuff in Kim and doesn’t get an answer. He makes Buff vs DDP the main event tonight with Kimberly being the Ref. Nash calls himself a God and then leaves. I… don’t really think that’s too unfair except for Jeff getting the title. Everything he said was actually pretty fair.
Kimberly walks backstage and gets the Ref shirt. Nash asks who was better, Diamond or Buff. Then he gets on her for now bowing. Nash is pretty fucking funny here actually. “You didn’t bow!”
4th Match: Rick Steiner and Other Guy vs Japanese Dudes
This match is going to suck to call. Masa and Super J are the Japanese dudes but I’m not sure who is who. Wait a second, that guy with the mullet kind of looks like John Laurinatis. Shit, he could be Johnny Ace due to the timelime. I can’t check online due to my shitty internet connection. Super J gets worked over by Johnny Ace (?) for a tad. Oh yeah Johnny and Rick have a hot cheerleader at ringside. Rick beats up Super J on the outside of the ring. Johnny works ovr super Jin the corner and rick gets in. Chono’s in and takes down Rick. Punch to the face and kicks by Chono. Wristlock and Super J is in. Super J works over Rick wtih kicks but Rick reverses into an amateur take down. Johnny Ace gets tagged in and elbow to the leg. This Asian Cheerleader chick has nice boobs. Fans chant boring. Ace in and he gets a chinlock. Its actually Mike Rotunda not Ace. The graphic didn’t come up showing their names so y’know. Mike gets hit with a jawbreaker. Rick in but Chono tags in Super J and they toss Rick to the outside. This match is way too long and sloppy. On the outside now and they work over Chono. Chono fights back and comes back with an elbow off the top onto Rick for two. Rick catches Chono with a belly-to-belly for two. Clothesline to Super J. Mike’s in. Mike runs into a boot and then comes back with a soman drop and oh my god this match will not end! Rotunda gets a roll up, has it won, but the Ref is distracted as Super J rolls him over and they win. No point though as the Varsity Club beats up Team 2000 after the match.
DUD Boring, sloppy, and too long. I just wanted this damn thing to end.
5th Match:Sid Viscous vs The Wall
Sid punches Wall around and boots him to the outside. He knocks him over to the commentators table. He knocks him around a tad more and we cut backstage to Kevin Nash hitting on Disco Inferno for some reason. “I love your hair.” Then he tells him to go beat up Sid so Sid chokeslams The Wall for the win.
DUD The match was about four minutes long and it was just Sid squashing Wall and the last minute of the match we didn’t even see.
Disco sends the Italians to attack Sid which leads to Vito and Johnny the Bull taking powerbombs. Disco looks like he’s going to get in and then he just runs away. Fucking genius! Reminds me of the Batman goon from that one Animated movie involving Batgirl and Bane. Batman’s inside a room, goon opens the door and sees Batman. He quietly closes the door. The other goon comes up and asks if there’s anyone in there. “Nope.”
Anyway Scott Steiner brought hot hookers with him to brag about how much money he has or something. Scott goes out to the ring and calls all the girls ugly and then says anyone that wants to have sex with him to go backstage. Scott talks about how great his football team is or some bullshit and say he could fuck a bunch of chicks. The fans don’t sing the Michigan football team so he goes down to the ringside and attacks a “fan.” We cut to Lex Luger with Elizabeth. Damn, she’s pretty hot here.
They promote the WCW magazine as Luger walks down to the ring. WWE magazine usuall makes their product look pretty good with some smarky comments and a history trivia thing with really stupid questions like who did Triple H wrestle ten times in 2003 and four times in 2009 [Note from Caliber: Dusty Rhodes!] Its an alright magazine actually but I can’t imagine reading a WCW magazine in 2000, it would just be so bad. I mean Vince Russo was working on old WWF magazines from the mid-90’s and they were fucking atrocious.
6th Match: Lex Luger vs Bam Bam Bigelow
Bam knocks Lex to the outside and sends him into the guardrail. Headbutt and then throws Lex back into the ring. Botts and then a punch to the jaw. Whip into the corner but he runs into a boot and Lex hits a clothesline. Boots to Bam. A lot of boots. Now some punches. Now nothing. More boots. I would yawn if I wasn’t jacked up on caffeine (God bless Pepsi!). Bam comes back after Luger runs into a boot from a blind charge. Fans are pretty much dead here though they were hot for Sid and Lex when he came out. Bam hits a headbutt and then goes running slam move but Mr. Bigs, whoever that is runs in the ring and gives Lex a champagne bottle. Turns out Mr. Bigs is Chris Kanyon’s manager.
DUD Match was boring, had no heat, and Lex ran out of moves. Actually he didn’t even do a wrestling move the whole match.
7th Match: Buff “The Stuff” Bagwell vs DDP w/ Kimberly as the Special Ref in a Special We Hate The People Who Pay for PPV match
Its funny that, as I write, they’re having a special encore presentation of the PPV! I’m not really sure if I should be condensing that but I don’t feel like typing pay-per-view every time nor do I want to type Diamond Dallas Page but Buff must have “The Stuff” written after his name in every match. Anyway, the funny thing about the encore thing is that they don’t do those anymore. You can just get the PPV anytime you want On Demand, you just have to pay for it. Or you could just use sports2watch or whatever. People get blasted for watching pirated things but some people just don’t have money. I can’t because I’m fifteen and I can’t get fifty dollars every month to watch a medicore wrestling show.
To the match, punches to start and Buff hits a big boot. Lock up and they go to the outside. Punches in bunches. DDP punches Buff over the guardrail. DDP seems to be winning here which is odd because I thought he was the heel here. DDP punches him into the fans and then a place thats cleared by security. He steals a fan’s crutch and hits Buff with it. Buff fights back with a trashcan (where did he get that?). They brawl back over the guardrail and DDP hits an axehandle from the commentating table. Back inside the ring and DDP talks trash while in the ten punches position but Buff sends him into the corner.
Mike Tenay: We haven’t seen any body language from Kimberly.
Bobby Heenan: Kimberly always has body language!
Buff chokes out DDP in the corner and Kimberly doesn’t try to stop it. Buff starts dancing around but DDP attacks him and this leads to Buff’s Stuff getting caught on the post! Ouchers! Why wasn’t Buff pushed as a face after this! He deserved the title damn it! DDP goes for the Diamond Cutter but Buff holds onto the ropes. Buff chokes out DDP again. DDP reverses a whip but runs into a double-armed DDT. That DDT was The Stuff! I think that should be the new slang for cool! I’m fifteen damn it, I can make it work! Buff and DDP do a kind of cool pinfall reversal which leads to Buff going up for the Blockbuster but DDP hits the ropes crotching Buff’s Stuff. Buff kicks DDP in the Stuff and then hits the BlockBuster and has the match won. Kimberly runs right into Buff bumping off him like Shawn Michaels on coke. DDP hits the Dimaond Cutter to beat Buff.
3.0/5.0 Better than last nights match pretty much because they didn’t have to deal with that stupid ass Ref counting to ten really fast and the fact that they didn’t have as much brawling. Pretty good match and you could tell these guys actually cared.
Hmm, something I just realized, DDP’s song sounds like it was written by Nirvana.[Note from Caliber: WCW always did “sound-alikes”. Like Jericho’s music was a rip-off of Pearl Jam’s Even Flow. And yeah, DDP’s is famously known as the Nirvana rip-off] Was it? Checking… yep its Smells Like Teen Spirit with DDP making random noises. And (excuse me for starting a sentence with and) its still better than Miley Cyrus’s version of the song. Why the fuck was Miley Cyrus singing Kurt Kobain’s music? Was Vince McMahon booking music or something and got Miley confused with Kurt Cobain? I can’t imagine that her fucking seven year old fans wanted her to sing 90’s music from Seattle. She should of sang Rape Me instead. Sorry for going off topic there, back to wrestling after the break.
Final Thoughts: Well most of this show was pretty bad, there was some mediocre stuff which is better than most of what was on last nights PPV or the previous two Nitro’s but the middle portion is mostly garbage. First match is alright but its a basic crusierweight match that you can see in pretty much any Nitro from 97-99. Buff vs DDP was alright but not really good or anything. Still a step up from the pay per view and as long as the show doesn’t get too bad when Russo and Eric Bischoff team up I think I’ll be able to stomach it. Also Nash was pretty funny.