SuperBrawl 2000 – February 20th, 2000

Yup.

And again.

Caliber:
What a different a year can make. As you can see, the buyrate for 2000’s Superbrawl was a sweet 0.15. The year prior, with Hogan vs Flair as the main event, did a 1.1, almost beating out WrestleMania 15. The attendance was almost double as well.

However, people should have bought this show, and the encore for one reason, baby; TANK ABBOT VS BIG AL! Perhaps the worst match in pro-wrestling history, with one of WCW’s greatest moments following the bout.

The show opens up with Double J coming out of Kevin Nash’s room, saying he just laid out Big Sexy, and thus The Chosen One is now the Commish. We don’t see Nash, or any of the attack, so we’re just taking Jeff at his word. He tells us that The Harris Brothers are no longer banned from ring-side.

Sebastian:
We get highlights from the last couple of weeks to promote the three main matches on this show. The only reason I mention this is because I haven’t seen it in a wrestling show before, WWE plays a video package before the match but WCW recaps the last few weeks kind of like a TV Show going previously on blah blah blah.

Jeff Jarrett makes himself commissioner backstage because Nash isn’t there and allows the Harris Boys to be at ringside.

We go over the matches again because someone who ordered this show wouldn’t know what was on the card. [Note From Caliber: yeah, in the Death of WCW they talk about how WCW did this because they hadn’t advertised any matches] We’re six minutes in and they’re still going over the matches for tonight. WWE never does this, they usually have their matches unannounced in order and they sometimes add or take away matches before the show due to time slots. Now WCW starts showing video packages for all the matches. They’re going over the Crusierweight tournament for the title that happened on Thunder and Nitro. Ten minutes in and we’re starting our first match. That doesn’t sound too bad I supposed but they did nothing but talk about the pay-per-view that you already ordered for ten freaking minutes.

WCW Cruiserweight Title
Lash LeRoux vs The Artist Formally Known As Prince Iaukea (5:47)

Caliber:
Before the match begins we get the back story of Oklahoma being the only person to retire the CW title, undefeated. They then held a tournament that consisted of a bunch of crusierweights that absolutely no one cared about.

The Artist Formally Known As Prince Iaukea. Oh, what a great idea! Because you see, Prince, the musician called himself that in the early 90’s, and well Prince Iaukea’s name…well, part of it is Prince. Brilliant! Nevermind that this stupid idea marks the SECOND time Russo’s used it , doing the same crap with Goldust. Anyways, as for the match, they put so much pride in the CW title, that they get almost 6 whole minutes for the match. The only real highlight being LL screwing up an Irish Whip, so Prince grabs him by the hair and throws him out of the ring. At least they some what tried, and gave us a decent opener.

Prince scores the pin and the title after blocking a top-rope Frankensteiner, and then leaping from the 2nd rope and hitting a DDT on LL.  **1/2

Sebastian:
Iaukea attacks Lash before the match. Sharmell gets a kick in right in front of the Ref. Prince with punches in the corner but Lash shoves him to the side. Well this is kind of odd, Prince is wrestling like a face but he’s a heel. Lash comes back with a shoulderblock for two. Lash with punches but he runs into a superkick. Mark Madden talks about how great this match has been even though its been going on for about one minute and they’ve done like four moves total. Prince tries to take a breather on the outside but Lash hits him with a crossbody to the outside. Prince comes back with a Dragon Whip. Prince hangs up Lash in the Tree of Woe. Kick in the corner and Lash is out of it. Lash starts to come back with punches but Iaukea get’s an eyepoke. Lash gets a roll up which leads to punches in bunches by Lash.

Prince with a throw away belly to belly for two. Best part about this match is that Sharmell has purple hair. Prince with more punches and a whip. He seems to be out of moves as he just whips Lash but Lash reverses. Ten punch in the corner and he sets up Iaukea but Iaukea comes off the top with a botched DDT for the win.

1/5 Pretty horrible, Iaukea was supposed to be the heel but played a face the whole time but used eyepokes. Lash tried carrying Iaukea here but Iaukea’s just too atrocious in the ring.

WCW Hardcore Title
Bam Bam Bigelow [C] vs Brian Knobbs [FAT] (4:44)

Caliber:
If you’ll notice, the brilliant men in the WCW video department spelled Knobbs’ name wrong. This match is another in the seemingly unending parade of terrible hardcore bouts to feature Knobbs’ in 2000.This match honestly deserves a DUD, but it has 2 table spots, and I’m a sucker for those.

Knobbs knocks Bammer off the top rope to the floor, then hits him in the head with a trash-can lid for the pin and the title.  *

Sebastian:
Knobbs is scared of Bigelow. Finlay distracts Bam while Knobbs hits him with a trashcan lid. They fight to a backstage venue. Bam sends Knobbs through a picnic table but he no sells and comes back by hitting Bigelow in the face with the cast on his arm. Knobbs sets up a table in the corner and tries to put Bam through it with a bulldog. How was he going to take Bigelow out with a bulldog through a table if its set up in the corner? [NFC: I thought this same thing. It’s doubtful that Knobbs, as light and as graceful as he is, was going to leap over the top turnbuckle] Anyway Bigelow makes the obvious reversal and sends Knobbs through the table. Bam hits his finisher but doesn’t cover for some reason. He goes to the top because Bigelow’s a fucking top rope specialist. Finlay distracts him as Knobbs no sells Bigelow’s brain buster finisher and hits Bammer with a trashcan sending him to the outside. He pins him out there for the win.

DUD Just a garbage match with both guys no selling throughout.

Handicap Match
3 Count vs Norman Smiley (4:06)

Caliber:
If you’ve been reading the Nitros, you know that for weeks Norman has been battling 3 Count, one-on-one. Well, he beat all of them, and thus his reward is fighting all 3 of them, I guess. There is absolutely nothing to note of this match, other than simulated forced sex.

Norman taps out to the Boston Crab.  1/2*

Sebastian:
Norman jumps onto Three Count on the outside. They all try to cover him and then this turns into tag rules. Norman grabs one of the members but another member comes in and attacks Norman. Norman ends up having a dance off with Three Count and then takes them out with clotheslines. He gets the Samoa Joe submission but Three Count breaks it up. They suplex him into the ropes and stomp a mudhole onto him in the corner. They work over the ribs of Norman for a little and then Shannon hits him with a Lion Tamer for the win.

1/5 Really bad match but they were trying to make the concept work.

Special Main Event Match
The Demon vs The Wall (3:37)

Caliber:
Why on Earth is this billed as a main event? Well, Bischoff spent $500,000 to have KISS lip-synch a song, and debut The Demon, a wrestler made-up to look like Gene Simmons. However, part of the deal was he could only be used in main events. A week went by, and now they had some other stupid idea to waste money on, and instead put The Demon at the bottom of the card, but were smart enough to label his matches as “special main events”. Crafty bastards.

The Wall is either so big, or The Demon is so weak, that when he tries to throw The Wall from the top-rope, he can barely do it, damn near having The Wall land on his head and die, mid-ring. Either way, it isn’t pretty, and neither is the fact they’re trying their absolute hardest to replace The Giant with The Wall, and it just isn’t working, at all. They’d have better luck having people wrestle The Giant’s monster truck.

Demon goes up to the top-rope, and is brought down by a chokeslam, giving The Wall another win. *

Sebastian:
The Wall doesn’t feel like coming out so Demon goes to the entrance stage and Wall was waiting for him. That wouldn’t work today, everyone just says “you better come out to this ring right now Santino or I’m not leaving this ring!” They say things like, “I’m going backstage to get you,” but that never happens. Actually, that would be the greatest thing ever. Just have a twenty minute segment of CM Punk looking for Johnny Ace backstage and instead he just keeps on running into other people. You could have John Cena sticking his own hand in his face saying I still can’t see it and Punk’s all John, have you seen John? John says he hasn’t seen John so he finds David Otunga and David drinks coffee for five minutes trying to remember if he’s seen Johnny Ace and then tells Punk he doesn’t have anything. Punk finds John outside skateboarding with Michael Hayes.

Anyway the match was pretty much a squash for The Wall. Demon starts to come back but Wall hits him with a chokeslam off the top for the win. DUD

Leather Jacket On A Pole Match
Tank Abbot vs Big Al (4:34)

Caliber:
I can’t tell you how excited I was to see this match all of a sudden pop up as I watched SuperBrawl. It wasn’t advertised, so it was like you’re just sitting around, not doing much, and BAM, you all of a sudden got a handful of some chick’s boobs, and it’s kick ass. That’s what it was like for me knowing this match was about to happen.

You see, Big Al was Tank’s bodyguard. As we know, nothing says tough like needing someone to protect your body. So, Big Al has a big beef with Tank, he thinks he’s a sell out by leaving UFC and joining pro-wrestling. Matter of fact, he thinks he’s such a sell out for wrestling, he’s going to wrestle him. Russo is absolutely obsessed with this stipulation. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if when his kids get older, they come out telling tales of how if you wanted breakfast, lunch, or dinner in the Russo household you had to climb a pole for it. Well, in this case, Tank’s leather jacket is up on the pole. Why, not sure.

So, the match begins with Big Al suggesting that they tie their hands together like the two gang members in the Beat It video. No joke. That’s seriously what they do. I would have been more entertained if Tank were to ask Big Al to be his girl, and in the middle of him being over-joyed, Tank turns into a werewolf. So, their hands are bound, but not really, because it’s just a belt. They throw really weak left-handed fists at each other for a few minutes, before Big Al get’s the upper hand, and stands on Tank’s face. I’m not kidding. Tank does not like having Big Al stand on his face, so he knocks him out. He then signals to the jacket, indicating that this is almost over. However, he feels it just wouldn’t be right if he didn’t first throw Big Al over his shoulder. What the serious hell? So, he struggles to climb up the turnbuckle, and when he finally makes it to the top, he drops Big Al flat on his ass. It’s hilarious. At this point, Abbot shows no concern, and grabs the jacket.

It’s at this point, one of my all time favorite moments in WCW history comes to a zenith. Tank grabs what is clearly a knife from his jacket, I mean, it’s clear as day he has a knife. He then gets on top of Big Al, puts the knife to his throat and again, clear as day says “I could fucking kill you!” to which the cameras quickly pan away. Now, Tony Schivonne, making sure to cement his reputation in history as wrestling’s all time stupidest announcer says that Tank appeared to have a pair of scissors and was going to cut Big Al’s beard. Despite the fact, Big Al did not have even the slightest hint of facial hair. It’s absolute gold. Do yourself the favor of all favors, and look this gem up on youtube.

Tank grabs the jacket to win the match, and my heart.  -*****

Sebastian:
The commentators talk about this match for about a minute explaining the rules because its pretty hard to understand that you pull the Jacket off the pole to win. Big Al comes out to the ring and this guy looks pretty freaking skinny actually. I’m used to seeing pretty buff dudes in a wrestling ring but this dudes pretty bony. So Al pulls out a belt and ties up their right hands. Oh that’s fucking smart. The idea of the match is to climb up a pole. I know that’s going to be easy with a two hundred pound dude on your arm. So they punch each other with lefts for a little bit and Al KO’s Tank with a pretty weak looking punch. He sets up Tank underneath the turnbuckle and steps on his face.Tank’s pissed off because he just washed his face and magically comes back from being knocked out. The fans are so dead here too. There’s a really small Tank chant going for a little bit and then it just dies. Someone said that in the future we’re going to get a combination of wrestling and MMA, and that we’re going to laugh at the stuff we watch today. Well if it ends up anything like this I’m going to kill myself. Anyway Tank carries Al to the top rope and then just drops him. He then punches him in the ribs for some reason. Tank looks around awkwardly after that like he doesn’t know what to do and then remembers its a pole match. He picks up the leather jacket to win. After the match, according to the the commentators he’s A) Has a knife and is threatening to cut Al’s neck or B) Has scissors and is going to cut Al’s beard off.

DUD These guys had no idea what they were doing out there.

The Rights to Harlem Heat
Big T vs Booker (5:23)

Caliber:
As you’ve been reading, Booker has been getting the shaft ever since Souled Out. He’s lost the rights to the letter T, his theme music, as well as his pyro. He’s been arrested, and his name dragged through the mud! It’s time to seek revenge.

Big T, it should be noted, is so slow he moves at the speed of dickMPH. He’s also so fat that Booker can barely get him up for the BookEnd. I mean, it looks more like a suggestion than his finishing move. Anyway, last month’s match had Booker facing Stevie, and the bout ended when a character from Booker’s past interfered. However, this match ends when a character from Booker’s past interfered. A really, really fat guy who’s name we don’t get.

Big T hits Booker with the Pearl River Plunge to score the pin. DUD

Sebastian:
Booker T talks about the big enchilada.

Booker T’s amazing Bozo The Clown entrance is the best thing ever. He should do a return match with this music damn it! He could job to Daniel Bryan, God knows he needs some credibility. Stevie Ray distracts Booker giving Big T a chance to attack. Booker T comes back with a backdrop suplex. Then a suplex. Booker starts yelling “get up” because he wants his entrance music back damn it! Booker sends Big T to the outside and hits an axehandle off the apron. He beats up T and Ray on the outside then throws T back in but Ray grabs Booker’s legs. The lawyer attacks Booker because he’s the coolest lawyer of all time. Booker comes back with a Russian leg sweep. Scissors kick and he’s setting up for the side kick of doom. Booker goes up to the top for no reason but the lawyer distracts him, so he sends him the outside. Booker hits Book End and then goes up to the top for no reason. Big T no sells the finisher and Booker hits a dropkick. He has the match won but the lights go off. A giant fat guy appears on the apron and distracts Booker and T hits a powerbomb for the win.

2/5 Booker was carrying this whole thing and made it watchable as he worked like freaking crazy. Of course Big T comes across looking horrible and Booker still has to have that stupid music. Also, there’s no point in adding another guy to this, is Booker supposed to feud with this guy now? Ugh. We spent all this time leading up to a blow off with Big T only for another guy to come and now Booker’s going to wrestle him. Also, before that we were leading up to a match between Booker and Stevie Ray only for Big T to come in. Do they have endless amounts of random dudes for Booker T? Is there going to be a new faction of bad power wrestlers who have a grudge against Booker T and grew up in the hood?

Billy Kidman vs Vampiro (7:20)

Caliber:
The match starts off with a promo video, showing the two trading victories, and I was reminded that they weren’t that bad, and I was starting to look forward to the match. Then of course the promo vid just kept going, and going, and show just how far they’ve drug this damn thing out. This bout was also lacking compared to their previous matches.

The finish sees Kidman almost kill Vampiro. They’re both on the top rope, and Kidman tries this…honestly, I don’t know what. They both just sort of jump off the top rope in a mess, and Vampiro almost breaks his neck. Either way, Kidman gets the win. **

Sebastian:
They do a couple of reversals and Vampiro hits a backbreaker for two. Clothesline and chops. Whip by Vampiro but Kidman reverses. He goes up for an electric chair but Kidman reverses to a rana to the outside! Kidman throws Vampiro into the guardrail, then sends Vamp inside and goes to the top but Vampiro comes back with a nice overhead belly-to-belly off the top. Swank brain buster by Vampiro for two. He goes for a powerbomb but Kidman reverses only for Vamprio to come back with a kick to knee. Torrie Wilson shows her ass off to the camera. I’m afraid to look at if for fear of STD’s. Kidman runs into Torrie who’s on the apron. He tires to help Torrie but Vampiro tires to hit Kidman with a chair which would be stupid since it would result in a DQ. Wilson stops it and Kidman fights back.

Vampiro back in and catches Kidman in a kind of botched FU. Suplex by Vampiro for two. Kidman with a roll up for two. Kidman hits a powerbomb for two. Vampiro comes back with a fameasser for two. I take a sip of Pepsi for two. Vampiro off the top with an axehandle for two. Kidman comes back with a top rope frankensteiner for two. Vampiro comes back with a powerbomb but holds him like Jericho used to do and then hits him with another sick powerbomb. The match ends with a botched…. ace cutter I guess from the top rope. Well it couldn’t have been an Ace Cutter because Vampiro looked like he was going for an Ace Cutter. I guess it was supposed to be a reverse DDT (Scorpion Death Drop) but Kidman didn’t even grab him.

2/5 I thought this match was going to be really good, then Torrie got involved and it just turned into a bunch of reversals. I was going to go a little higher but then Kidman botches the fucking ending. Aslo Vampiro botched a couple of things throughout the match.

Sicilian Stretcher Match
The Mamalukes [C] vs David Flair & Crowbar (11:22)

Caliber:
Honestly, I was really surprised with this match. They put together a pretty well paced, sloppy garbage brawl. The highlight for me was Disco Inferno getting maced, and doing commentary while blind. So, everytime he’d hear someone getting slammed on the mat he’d yell “was that good for us?! was it bad?!”, for once WCW pulled off a funny bit. We all know the idea behind a stretcher match. This one, however, they have to be pushed all the way out of the arena. I mean, you’d have to practically kill someone for them to be out-cold that long. Thankfully, they abandon that and the person just has to be wheeled out of sight. Not even by the opposing team, but by the refs.

The Mamalukes tape David & Crowbar to respective stretchers and have them wheeled out in order to snag the win, and retain their belts. ***

Sebastian:
Lots of brawling. David/Crowbar knock out the Mamalukes. Crowbar does a nice crossbody to Johnny who’s on the stretcher. Mamalukes fight back and boot down David. A nice big boot/neckbreaker combo by the Mamalukes. Daffney runs in the ring and hits Johnny Bull with a rana. Mark freaks out about this on commentary as if Lita didn’t do that every week on Raw. David trades punches with Vito on the outside. Vito in and Crowbar beats up Vito with a crowbar. David picks up the metal part of the stretcher that holds it up and hits Johnny with it. Johnny no sells it and hits David with punches. Vito powerbombs Crowbar through a table that’s set up in the corner. They hit a double backdrop suplex onto David. Johnny hits a legdrop off the top rope. They put David on a stretcher and Vito tapes up David. Poor Disco Inferno has something in his eye at ringside. He complains about it to the commentators and then walks up to the Mamalukes. David gets sen to the backstage but both guys needs to be eliminated apparently. Crowbar takes out both guys with a table. Trashcan shot to Vito. He beats up Disco for kicks.

Johnny grabs Crowbar’s crowbar and hits him with it a couple of times. He sets Crowbar up on the table and Vito hits a crossbody, sending himself and Crowbar right through it. They set up Crowbar on the stretcher and tape him up. Daffney screams in disdain. The Mamalukes grab Daffney and she freaks the fuck out! Disco puts a sock in Daffney’s mouth and tape it shut. They tape her to a wheelchair and send her backstage.

2.5/5 Garbage brawl at the start but near the end it became pretty good.

Sid says he’s the ruler of the universe and everyone will be judged by him. The only way to defeat Sid Vicious is to make him read his name spelled backwards, for Sid Vicious’ real name is Suoiciv Dis!

Caliber:
We then get one of the longest, stupidest segments on any PPV ever.

You see, The Cat has been running around saying he knows James Brown. That they’re best friends, and that James is in the building. Well, tonight he’s pulling the same deal, and The Maestro has had it. He says if The Cat doesn’t produce James Brown than he has to be The Maestro’s butler. So, we come out to the ring, where The Cat introduces James Brown. Of course, it isn’t James Brown. So, The Maestro starts rattling off a list of things for The Cat to do when tadow, James Brown actually comes out. Well, The Maestro faints, and that’s it, really. WCW paid James Brown $25,000 for this atrocious segment.

Sebastian:
The Cat comes out and he’s supposed to produce James Brown. I really, really doubt its going to happen. Cat says these people don’t deserve James Brown. He tells some fat chick not to get up. Then some guy with glasses and a king crown comes down to the ring. He also has a pimp stick. James dances some more. This is the greatest segment of all time, its so good I have to stop watching it and make myself lunch. I come back three minutes later and this is still going on. Maestro knows the real James Brown and then they have this amazing dance off. I have to say, I love Jame’s purple Jack Nicholson Joker suit. The Cat and James Brown become best friends and start singing James Brown songs together. More dancing. I would be so happy right now if I paid thirty bucks for this.

Scott Hall actually cuts a pretty good promo saying he can still go. I really do like Scott Hall and I feel he’s super underrated. We get this video package for Flair/Funk… again.

Death Match
Ric Flair vs Terry Funk (15:40)

Caliber:
Honestly, I was looking forward to this match. Flair was still having great matches up until he went to TNA, and Funk can still pull out decent ones here and there. However, this match wasn’t the best for either of them. It started off strong, and there were a few table spots that were pretty well done, but it just didn’t have any real flow. Plus the ending looked like kind of a mess-up, because Flair got up, but then fell down again, yet still won. I would make the assumption, perhaps falsely, that it means he loses.

Funk falls through a table, and Flair beats the count in time to win. **3/4

Sebastian:
Two lock ups that are broken up in the corner. Three and another break up. Flair brings Funk into the corner and hits him with chops. Funk comes back with stiff punches. Flair with more chops. Funk brings Flair down with a punch. Flair takes a breather on the outside, but then Funk suplexs him back in and Flair takes that as a que to beg off. I know, shocking. For a second I thought Flair was going to have a flare and Flair up. Flair kicks out of the spinning toe hold and chops in the corner because this match didn’t have enough chops. Flair sends Funk to the outside but he comes back with a suplex. Flair really is a badass, him and Funk both. They’re so freaking old and they’re taking these sick bumps. Flair whips Terry into the guardrail but Funk comes back with another suplex! Funk gets the first pinfall. Flair chops Funk over the guardrail then grabs a chair and works over Funk’s legs. He punches him a couple times, then walks into the ring and chops Funk’s legs. More chops! Yay! Flair gets in the Figure Four and Funk taps. Goes about to eight and then Flair chops the legs. Flair goes to the top and Funk catches him. He sends Flair to the outside, then hits Flair with a piledriver on the outside! Sick!

Funk get’s two, before exposing the concrete. Flair and Funk trade punches and chops, as Funk wins the round and celebrates by piledriving Flair, missing the concrete however. Flair’s still dead from it. A pin proceeds the ref starting the count of 10. See this Ref doesn’t suck and doesn’t count as fast as he freaking can. Flair up at eight. He takes a breather on the guardrail. Funk grabs a mic and beats Flair with it and asks him if he would like to quit. Funk set up a table in the ring while the camera was focused on Flair. Funk says he’s going to break Flair’s neck tonight. Funk hits a piledriver through a table, then has a pinfall on Flair but pulls his arm up at the last second. Funk grabs another table and throws it in the ring. He sets up… and then decides to pin him. That doesn’t really make any sense but m’kay. Funk sets Flair up on the table and tries to send Flair through it but he moves. Flair pins Funk for three, and he can’t get up by ten. Flair wins even though he’s dead in the ring.

2.5/5 Match was pretty slow, I think it could have been a lot better and the way Flair one was pretty lame. He just dodged a move and Funk went through a table. Still it was decent.

What the fuck is a ‘Featured Attraction Match’?
Hulk Hogan vs Lex Luger (8:10)

Caliber:
So, Luger has been on a massive tear, Pillmanizing everyone from Stinger, to Knobbs, and the red & yellow Bengal, Hulk Hogan. It’s been 12 years, and I still, STILL don’t understand Luger’s logo on his trunks. An M? I’m usually quite the detective, and I can’t even get close to this. I do however love when Luger breaks someone’s arm, because he’ll put the arm in the chair, and he steps on the seat part, not the part where your back goes. So, instead of bringing the chair together with your hand in it, he’s just stomping metal. Oh well,  at least his shirt isn’t too small. I DON’T KNOW.

The match is a time machine, as you’re magically transported back to 1995, and Hulkster is in prime babyface mode. Which means you get him getting his ass kicked, then making the come back, and offering absolutely nothing else. Although, I will admit to this, the night Hogan returned to the red & yellow was the same night Jericho debuted on Raw, and I was flipping back & forth between both channels. I marked out tough for both. This, not so much. By the way, it was extremely pathetic the way Sting came back. He’d been haunting Luger for quite a while, then just runs out like he left his curling iron on.

Hogan hits the leg-drop for the win. **1/2

Sebastian:
Hulk Hogan’s cutting a promo and this is the best part about my day. He says that Luger’s arm is going to go snap, crackle, and pop. Then he says he’s going to crush Elizabeth and shove her down Lex Luger’s throat. Wow, dude! Then Hogan calls himself a dog and says he’s going to eat Luger! What the fuck Hogan!?

Buffer’s the announcer here, again. Lex punches Hogan before the match. Remember when Luger was the face and Hogan was the heel three years previous to this? Yeah the match was shitty then, I expect it to be shitty now. Lex misses an elbow and Hogan chokes Lex. Hogan slams Lex into the corner and throws him to the outside. Huge pop for Hogan as he takes his shirt off. Hogan chokes Luger with his shirt. Madden says this is Hollywood Hogan but he was doing this shit in the 80’s too. Hogan hits Lex with a chair which doesn’t cause a DQ because its Hulk Hogan I guess. Lex goes back into the ring and begs for mercy. Hogan whips Lex into the other corner and clotheslines him. Punches, another whip but Hogan runs into an elbow. Lex boots away at Hogan. Lex his Hogan with a punch and Hogan oversells it and actually flop to the outside! First time I’ve ever seen that!

Lex rams Hogan to the guardrail.  Hogan has a giant cast on his arm and Lex hasn’t even started working on it. You know, the cast he caused to be there by “breaking Hogan’s arm” with a chair? Hogan uses the cast as a weapon so I guess there’s that. Hogan rams Luger into the corner ten times. Repeat. Hogan blows Lex a kiss and then punches him down. That was… odd. Liz hit Hogan with a bat in the back. Hogan Women Beater and role model for all tells Elizabeth he’s going to beat her with his cast. Lex tries to attack Hogan but Hogan no sells Lex and punches him by the guardrail. Elizabeth goes to hit Hogan but Hart takes the baseball bat away. Lex suplexes Hogan but Hogan doesn’t sell things he can’t brother! Hogan Hulk Ups but Lex ends that with a low blow. Lex grabs Hogan’s weightlifting belt but Hogan hits Lex with his cast because he’s a role model for all and then hits the legdrop that’s better than every other legdrop ever for the win.

1/5 Pretty bad but the fans were into it at least.

No-DQ Match for the WCW World Heavyweight Title
Sid [C] vs. Scott Hall vs Jeff Jarrett (7:40)

Caliber:
All through out the show we’ve been seeing this mystery door, and we’ve all wondered who’s behind it. It’s not James Brown. It isn’t The Stinger. Who is it? Perhaps we’ll find out during the match.

The match isn’t much, and doesn’t take long. This is unofficially Hall’s last match in WCW, by the way. He was in major trouble with WCW for being the way he is, and was on his way to being fired after this bout. However, he suffered real injuries, and that firing was postponed. Didn’t really matter though, outside of his photo making an appearance in Russo’s San Fransisco 49’ers match in the coming months, Hall was never seen again.

So, Jarrett keeps knocking out refs, and I honestly have no idea why. It’s a no DQ match, what the fu–…oh, I see. Here comes Piper, in a ref’s shirt, and what appears to be Robocop’s arm.

So, before Piper showed up, Jarrett had his evil ref come out and cause havoc. Just before he can make the count, a very SLOW count might I add, so Piper doesn’t miss his cue, the Roddy one stops the evil going-ons, slugs Slick [the ref] and eye pokes Jarrett. This leads to…

Sid hits a powerbomb on Hall to retain his worthless title. *3/4

Sebastian:
This match is going to be pretty freaking short, I’m 2:40:20 right now and this ends at 2:49:30

Jeff attacks Scott before the match but he comes back with a fall away slam and sends Jeff to the outside with a clothesline. Sid goes after Jeff so Scott attacks him. Sid comes back and takes out Scott, Jeff, and the Harris Brothers. Brothers crotch Sid and then Jeff goes after Scott. Scott comes back with a whip but Jeff hits a clothesline. Jeff boots Sid and then does the jumping leg on the rope thing to Scott Hall. Sid hits a double clothesline and hits a double chokeslam but he only gets two, Sid picks up Scott and punches him. Jeff hits Sid with a title shot but only gets two. Jeff argues with the Ref giving Scott a chance to roll up Jeff. Jeff punches Scott down and then hits the Ref with a Stroke. Harris Brothers come in but Sid takes them out. Scott gets a two count on Jarrett. Scott goes for the Razor’s Edge but Jeff backdrops out. Jeff takes out a bunch of Ref’s so he can get his favorite Ref Slim Johnson. Scott hits the Razor’s Edge and has the match one but the Ref hurt his arm. Sid takes out both guys. Sid ends up going over the top and Scott gets hit with a gutair by Jeff. Roddy Piper comes to stop the count. Jeff jaws with Piper giving Sid time heal and he chokeslams Jeff. Sid hits a powerbomb on Scott and wins.

2.5/5 Lot of false finishes but was actually kind of fun and had you guessing who was going to win. Was pretty over booked and was only nine minutes.

Caliber:
In The End:
A really terrible, and boring show. They packed in so many meaningless matches, and did nothing to add value to their titles. They could have had a fresh start with the Crusierweights, but they reminded us of Oklahoma and fucked all that for good. We were also led to believe that Piper sat in a 10×10 room all day in a ref shirt just in case Jarrett knocked out a bunch of refs. That is a man who reads his horoscope.

Oh, this PPV also has the worst match I’ve ever seen, but also happens to have one of, if not the greatest save by a wrestling announcer ever in a time of dire straits.

Sebastian:
Final Thoughts: Nothing was really good on this show but nothing was really, really bad so I guess there’s that. I’m just happy we didn’t get another Jeff title reign.

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~ by Caliber Winfield on March 19, 2012.

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