Happy Friday The 13th – Top 3 Jasons

I’ve often spoke about my fondness for the date of Friday The 13th. How when I was a child, USA would air marathons of the films, and I’d be so excited that all I’d do at school the day of is draw pictures of Jason. Kids these days will never know that joy, because all Friday The 13th is now is a release date for the new Three Stooges movie.  That’s just bullshit. But here at Str8 Gangster, Friday The 13th will always be a respected day, in both our minds, and our ripped out hearts.

This time around, I thought I’d talk about my three favorite versions of Jason, and as an added bonus, talk about that said version’s most underrated kill.

It should be no surprise that the greatest actor to ever play Jason is the first one we see on this list.

Jason Goes To Hell is a black-eye on the series, for all the wrong reasons. Most people’s gripe is that we never get to see the real Jason for that long. While I too sympathize, there’s just too much awesomeness in this film to really hate it. There’s a ton of blood, great kills, and it’s actually pretty cool to see Jason’s face as he does all of these things, something we never had the option of before.

For the short period we do see Jason, he’s completely bad-ass. I love the idea that he’s worn the mask for so long that it’s starting to become part of him. Seeing his skin grow over the mask is just genius. Then you’ve got him all ripped up and dingy looking, with charred & bloody flesh. It’s a fantastic look. Although, one thing I always thought was pretty funny, is that his shirt is tucked in. Can you imagine Jason tucking in his shirt? I find that so funny. Might as well have him using Pro-Active.

Most Underrated Kill:

When peeps talk Jason Goes To Hell, they always mention the popular kills. Such as Jason splicing a chick in two while she’s riding a guy, or when a girl gets her head slammed in a car door.

But one of Jason’s all time best is never mentioned. You’ve got the woman who runs the restaurant, and has a real mouth on her. So, what’s Jason going to do? Is he gonna listen to this bitch squak while he’s trying to kill a baby? Hell no. He cocks back a fist and sends it soaring into her jaw. I mean, we’re talking Ryu Dragon Punch style, man. As he caves in her jaw, and sends it back into her skull. Very cool. Very.

Former Marine turned stunt-man, CJ Graham makes it to number 2.

Jason Lives is my favorite of the entire franchise, and Jason’s look is one of those key elements. This is the first time we get zombie Jason, so he’s got that bad-ass grey skin look, with the dingy clothes. Later on, he kills a well equipped guy who’s on a paint-balling mission, and borrows his gloves & tool belt. It’s small things like that, that make this Jason unique. Where’s with Hodder’s Jason, you can see his rage in the way he breathes, the giant, deep breaths. With CJ, you can see it in the way he walks, because he packs a quick pace, and chops down whatever’s in front of him. Awesome character point.

Man, I never hear people talk about this kill, and it bugs the hell out of me. I mean, Jason is so pissed that there isn’t a glory hole in this bathroom, that he pushes this girl’s head into the wall so hard it practically makes a photocopy. It’s like those weird, metal/pin things at Spencer’s that can replicate whatever you push into it, and so you always gotta make an imprint of your middle finger, because no one has ever done that before, and you rock. It’s just an awesome kill that displays Jason’s rockin’ rage over not getting a BJ.

It should be no surprise that the greatest actor to ever play Jason is the last one we see on this list.

Not only is this the greatest Jason, it’s one of the greatest movie monsters/characters ever. It’s unreal how bad-ass this Jason is. First off, he’s bigger than the other Jason’s, not in height, but in width. He’s like a fridge with a hockey mask on. The Director wanted to have every slash, nick, bullet hole, burn mark and everything else that’s happened to him show up. You can see his spine & ribs, along with knee caps and finger-bones. It’s fantastic. Another touch that’s awesome, is in part 6, Jason takes a propeller from a boat’s motor to the face, ripping up part of his mask. So, now that it’s gone, you can see part of Jason’s pearly whites poking out. Awesome, awesome stuff.

This Jason is also a man who doesn’t know the term recycling. Because, well, recycling is for bitches, and makes you boring. Thus, he never uses the same weapon twice, if he can help it. Everything from machetes, to spikes, axes, party favors, and even his bare hands. Which brings us to…

A guy heads on out to surprise his friend, and instead gets his skull crushed. Fair trade, I believe. That’s why I never throw surprise parties. Or any parties. And I never buy anyone anything for their birthday’s or Christmas, just to play it safe.

I mean, the thought of getting your skull crushed is absolutely brutal. Plus it shows what a true thug Jason is. This kill would be 100% cooler if the MPAA weren’t a bunch of assholes who push their beliefs on films. The uncensored kill has Jason pushing this guy’s head literally to the size of a peanut, with blood squirting every where. Watch the video below, and you’ll see the awesomeness, plus a lot of other cool shit that people who probably obnoxious vegans felt we all needed to be protected from.

Now, go kick some ass and watch a Friday The 13th film.


~ by Caliber Winfield on April 13, 2012.

One Response to “Happy Friday The 13th – Top 3 Jasons”

  1. Happy Friday the 13th 🙂

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