Happy Friday The 13th – Top 3 Deaths of Jason

I got my Friday The 13th shirt on, the last of a breed that represented when Friday The 13th came around. Now, hopefully, this website alone will influence a generation of kids to do what lame-ass standard cable won’t do, rock a Friday The 13th marathon!

Now, our boy is immortal, yet he’s been put down a time or two. Let’s take a look at the best ways a few punks got lucky…

See, most peeps consider a father returning from the grave to drag Jason underwater, or an axe to the head as a suffient way of death. Not Tommy Jarvis. Even though Jason was dead, Tommy was manly enough to want to bring him back and have a go at it for round 2. Horshack tried felt that even though he’d just seen a guy return from the dead, he thought perhaps a shovel to the back of the head would solve their problems. No.

At the end of the film, we’re treated to one of the best scenes in Friday history, as Tommy waits for Jason in the middle of Crystal Lake. Surrounded by fire, Tommy waits for Jason to pop up so he can keep him chained at the bottom. Naturally, Jason pops up wherever Tommy isn’t looking, and snaps the boat in half like a karate master, and almost does our hero in. However, at the last moment, he gets the boat’s motor turned right into Jason’s grill and chops him all to hell, snapping his neck. It’s an incredible scene, and the director, Tom McLoughlin, deserves the credit for making it one of the most memorable of the whole series.

Again, we’ve got our selves Tommy vs Jason. This of course, is their first meeting. Now, the times before Jason had been macheted in the shoulder, and took an axe to the head. He came back from those, because let’s face it, it was women that inflicted the wounds. If a man had axed Jason in the head, it would have broken is foot! So, after Jason has terrorized a family & the teens across the way, young Tommy Jarvis has almost had enough. It’s when Jason gets a Camp Crystal Lake Boner and tries to rape Tommy’s sister, that he drives a machete into the side of his skull, followed by Jason sliding down it while he twitched. I mean, c’mon, game.the.fuck.over.

Originally the plan was for Jason to explode. They were gonna have Tommy design this microwave type gun that he used to melt his action figures. At the end of the film, he was going to jam the sucker into Jason’s dome and crank it to 11. Here’s to hoping they end the next Nicolas Spark film like that.

C’mon, what more could you want? When I first saw this as a kid, it blew my mind. I mean, you’re expecting Jason’s death to be at the end, when all of a sudden they blow him up, right out of the blue. It was awesome. Plus, this was the first time that the outside word actually acknowledged Jason’s existence, and he wasn’t just spoke of in rumor.

They didn’t just pump a few slugs into Jason, they dumped a fucking surplus of ammo into him, and followed it up with rocket launchers. Jason was dead as dead can be. Well, until his heart was eaten. But that’s neither here nor there. You never saw a horror villain get his ass-kicked like this before, I mean, they blew him up! It’s awesome.

Since we’re talking about Jason Goes To Hell, there’s one thing I want to mention that’s irked me. Jason’s shirt is tucked into his pants. I mean, can you imagine that? Jason putting on his clothes and making sure his shirt his tucked? I always thought that was weird.

Alright, buckshots, that does it for another Friday The 13th. Please, do me proud, and watch one of the films. If you have a kid, watch one with him or her. Kids these days aren’t as lucky as we were to have USA looking out for our best interest, and airing a rockin’ marathon.

But don’t worry, Caliber’s got you, because no one else loves you.


~ by Caliber Winfield on July 13, 2012.

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