The Only Review Of The Only Movie You Need To See This Year, The Expendables 2

I assume by now it’s no secret that I live for action films.

That said, I’ve never been more excited for a film in my life, and it didn’t disappoint. I’ve never seen a film more geared towards, and made for it’s audience. As a wrestling fan, I can only relate it to watching an ECW show from back in the day. They didn’t treat you like an idiot, they cared about their craft, and how their fans saw things.

The opening scene was absolutely perfect. Everything I loved about the first film, they crammed into 10 minutes. They referenced everything, and were basically saying thanks for watching the original.

The original team is here, with one addition, Billy The Kid. He’s a sniper fresh out of the Army, and now part of the team. He’s off with the crew as they hash things out with Church and make things even. A computer has gone down and it’s up to the boys to retrieve it. But, they weren’t planning on a sadistic gang, lead by my motherfucking boy, Jean-Claude Van Damme. From this point, the movie’s plot gets going, and it’s gem after gem after gem.

Everything you want is here. Tons of action, fantastic fight scenes with gorgeous choreography, and battles caught with beautiful cinematography, GI Joe Style, as in land, sea, and air. Absolutely incredible.

Arnold is of course in this film, and I was so happy seeing him kill people and be his bad-ass self that my eyes welled up. He was fantastic, and stole any scene he was in. Dolph Lundgren got a lot more screen time, and a lot more to do with the character of Gunner. They even imported some of Dolph’s real life history. He’s great, and probably the most entertaining of the main group. Barney & Lee’s relationship gets a bit more depth, because all great sequels push a story forward.

Now, as I mentioned before, Van Damme. My biggest thrill during this entire film was seeing him on the big screen again. I loved Van Damme films as a kid, and still do as an adult. He was pitch-perfect as the main villain, and completely brought the goods. I wanted his fight scenes to last for hours. He was awesome, and I truly hope this leads to a career revival for him. He deserves it.

There were a ton of inside jokes, and I’m pretty sure they were written all for me. As only I would be capable of catching them all.

Now of course Norris was here, and thankfully his part was small. Honestly, I wouldn’t have minded his role so much if I wasn’t sick to fucking death with this Norris crap 10 years ago. And boy, they played it to a tee, which I can’t fault. Of course, there were idiots in the theater cheering for him. Last time I checked, Van Damme was worth your cheers, motherfuckers.

Of course, I was the buffest dude in the theater, with my Bloodsport shirt. Showing that I was really the only one, besides my friend and his girlfriend [buffness by association] who deserved to be there.

It’s an absolute classic, the best film I’ve seen since the DC of the original. Don’t listen to anyone else but me, I know my shit, and this film is PERFECT.

***** out of *****

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~ by Caliber Winfield on August 17, 2012.

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