Monday Nitro – July 3rd, 2000 – Caliber
We open up with footage from last week, where Goldberg defeated Duggan, and Jarrett defeated Nash. We then get a few clips from Thunder that have Vampiro being stalked by a masked figure, Horace losing a title shot to Jarrett, and Mike Awesome defeating Steiner thanks to interfernce from The Cat.
The show officially starts off with Cat speaking to Eric, and he’s suspended Steiner for a week because he used The Recliner. We then get a view outside where we see 4 ambulances, which Awesome has sworn to put people in unless he gets a shot at Steiner, tonight.
Tank Abbot comes out and introduces 3 Count. They start to cut a promo but Tank tells them to shut the hell up and perform. I’ll give it to’em, the Tank Abbot as a 3 count deal is actually kinda funny. Especially with him insisting they just sing at all times.
3 Count vs Jung Dragons
Man, that Jamie Son is so Asian he’s gotta wear a mask. It’s your typical match between these 6. Helms is injured early, so Abbot takes his place. Eventually they do the spot where one person is out side, so someone does a high flying move at them, followed by another, and so on. Before the last Dragon [who doesn’t have the Glow, btw] can jump outside, Tank punches him, giving Shannon the pin.
Tank punches out Jimmy Wang for the pin at 3:26 | **
Abbot demanding they sing after the match is alright with me.
Backstage, Awesome bumps into a stagehand, and then powerbombs him through a table.
We were getting a pretty well done retrospective on the Outsiders, however Goldberg, or, $oldberg if you will, oh wait, there’s also Oldberg now. OK, so Whicheverberg goes to the TV truck and tells them to cut that video off. Now there’s a sign calling him Thugberg. Do people feel clever just adding ‘berg’ to whatever? Boogerberg? Dickberg? Doucheberg? I gotta admit, I feel pretty good for coming up with Doucheberg. Anyway, he comes out to say he doesn’t understand the idiots here. Since day one the Outsiders were here to under mine WCW, and yet you cheered for them. He came out, he was a hero, and was spit on. He makes a fair point about their love of the Outsiders, but the crowds didn’t have a beef with him until he went heel.
Nash comes out and asks why they should wait for Bash. A pull apart happens, and we head to commercial. As they come back, Tony talks about how Cat went to commercial so all of this wouldn’t be seen, despite the fact they’re showing us what happened.
Johnny The Bull vs Funk
This one starts in the back, as repeated chairshots bring us to the ring. Funk works him over with continued blows from the chair, until Johnny finally hits a Van Damminator, followed by piledriver onto a chair. He sets Terry outside the ring, and places a chair on his head. He comes off the ropes, jumps up to the top rope, falls off, jumps back up then leaps off, hitting a leg-drop. However, I think he’s seriously hurt. He seriously has trouble standing for the rest of the match, appearing to have done some major damage to himself. They go through the rest of the bout in slow motion due to Johnny’s injury. I did a bit of research, and sure enough, he tore his urethra, and was out for 2 months. Holy shit, I’ll give the guy his due for continuing on with the match while having a torn dick. Yikes.
Funk eats a DDT onto a chair as well as a pin at 6:32 | *1/2
Johnny is literally carried to the back.
We get footage of Dale Torborg rehearsing an entrance with Asya, who’s then hurt because of a faulty pyro. We then see Dale leaving for the hospital, but he’s confronted by a man in a robe & Sting mask who hands him the Demon gear, which Dale accepts. The masked person is Vampiro.
Else where, The Cat is inside Goldberg’s locker-room, who is displeased at the moment and would like to meet Nash for a round of fistacuffs.
Sean O’Haire & Mark Jindrak vs General Rection & Corporal Cajun
If it weren’t for The Filthy Animals, I’d say the MIA are about as lame as you can get. Even with that said, this is a pretty decent match that really starts picking up near the end with big moves & near falls. At one point, Rection goes for the Moonsault, but O’Haire creeps up and sets him up for an Electric Chair. Now, Rection falls, but for some reason O’Haire took about a second later to fall and crashes his head right into Rection’s…well, rection. It had to hurt like hell. Jindrak follows that up with a splash, at which point you think it’s over, but Cajun makes the save. From then on the MIA turn the tide and get the win. Too bad it wasn’t longer, because despite being rookies, O’Haire & Jindrak were holding their own damn well, and this match was damn good.
Rection hits O’Haire with a Moonsault for the pin at 4:04 | **3/4
Afterwards, the Perfect Event come in and beat up everyone with the LexFlexers. However, they start posing for one another, giving the MIA a chance to regroup and return the favor.
I was watching part of that 101 Reasons to Not Be A Pro-Wrestler doc, which blows by the way, and she said her segments were the highest rated, which a lot of people had problems with. First off, I doubt her segments were the highest rated. Second, even if they were, why the hell would it matter? Why shouldn’t it annoy people? It’s not like she was getting over via a great performance, or mic skills. She was a decent looking chick with huge tits. Show me ANYWHERE that doesn’t get over. Hell, even gay dudes love big titties. It’s science.
Mean while, Awesome continues his night of terror as he powerbombs another innocent man, this time a computer tech. Huh, I had no idea that AJ Styles was once a computer tech. Interesting.
Double J comes out, and it’s the usual shpeel. Hogan is a man, Jarrett is a God. So, Jarrett then has some fat women come out, dressed in viking-opera attire, and has them sing Nah-Nah-Nah-Hey-Hey-Hey-Goodbye. Then a guy in a suit shows up, and says he can’t call them fat. Oh God, are we at this point now? See, Standards & Practices at Turner were giving Russo shit over doing things like calling women fat. So, here he is, really giving it to S&P, even though he’s completely tanking the fucking show. Honestly, before this whole bullshit segment started, I was thinking that this was yet ANOTHER really good show that I was entertained by. That the lack of any & everything Russo was so fantastic, but then this came along. I fucking HATE Russo. How on Earth is this making anyone want to see Hogan vs Jarrett?
Cat comes out. He says Nash wants Goldberg, and vice versa. He says he’s tired of them arguing, so they’re gonna be in the ring tonight for a battle royal. If they get through 18 other wrestlers, they can fight each other.
Shane Douglas vs Booker T
Kanyon shows up as Booker heads for the ring and delivers a beating. Once in, Franchise holds the momentum for a while before Booker finally makes a come back, only to be distracted by Kanyon on the outside. Before Douglas can turn that to his advantage, Booker hits a botched Bookend for the win. Again, another perfectly fine match, with nothing offensive about it.
Booker hits the Bookend on Douglas for the pin at 3:08 | *1/2
Afterwards, Kanyon hits the ring and beats the hell out of Booker. DDP’s music hits, but Kanyon says to forget about it, it’s all about him.
Backstage, Cat says he wants everyone to beat the hell out of Goldberg & Nash in the Royal.
Vampiro vs The Demon
It’s not much. They aren’t that great as wrestlers, honestly. They fumble around the ring until a ton of cloaked Sting figures appear and circle the ring. Demon hits the Love Gun, and that’s it. Soon, the Stings all enter the ring and look to pummel Vampiro, but he disappears.
Vampiro is pinned after a LoveGun from the Demon at 2:37 | DUD
We get a bit with Daffney & David. They’re standing in front of a TV backstage that has Stacey Keibler on it, and David keeps glancing at it as he tells Daffney he loves her. She keeps saying “What are you looking at?” despite the fucking fact that the TV is right in front of her and clear as day. Anyway, Stacey does whatever in the ring, and Crowbar soon follows. He’s gonna shave her, because of how David has been acting. Seeing this, David tells Daffney his stomach hurts, and asks if she’d get him some Pepto. She does. David runs out to save Stacey, then Daffney follows, lowblows David and covers him in the Pepto, followed by some other shenanigans. Stacey shows just how God-awful she is at fake-hurting people as she tries to choke Daffney, but it looks more like a gentle massage. David knocks out Crowbar, as he and Stacey take to shaving Daffney. It’s such a WEIRD looking scene. I mean, imagine if you just came upon this. Here’s a chick in a slutty wedding gown, a dude with pink shit all over him, and they’re shaving a girl in the middle of a ring. They leave, but set up Crowbar to make it look like he shaved her. Daffney comes to, and believes Crowbar has done the deed, because they want to make her as dumb as Babyface Sting. She runs away, as Crowbar follows. Once backstage, Awesome attacks and powerbombs Crowbar through a table.
The gross looking chick from the Animals meets up with The Cat and says she basically wants to fuck him. Well alrighty.
The Filthy Animals come out, and they’re here to interview Lance Storm & Kidman, who happen to be The Juice & Rey, dressed accordingly. Of course, Storm & Kidman don’t take kindly to this and come out for what I guess is a match.
Rey Mysterio & Juice vs Lance Storm & Kidman
Shit starts off pretty incredible, I’ll give them that, big shocker considering it’s Rey, Lance, and Kidman. At one point, Kidman goes for a Moonsault, but Lance helps telegraph it so he can bodyslam him into Rey at the end. It sounds a bit odd, but trust me, it works. There’s a lot of other fantastic stuff going on this match, that honestly, is probably worth hunting down to see. I really hope these guys have a PPV match at some point, because this was great. I only wish it had gone on longer. Konnan distracts the ref, allowing Disco to put a chair in the ring so Mysterio can bulldog Kidman onto it for the 3 count.
Kidman takes a bulldog onto a steel chair for the pin at 3:53 | ***
Naturally, outside interference isn’t allowed, and since The Commish was else where, it counts.
Vamp interviews, and says he’ll get revenge on The Demon at Bash, in a graveyard match.
Awesome comes out, and points out a fan’s sign that makes fun of his haircut. Instructing security to take it away. He wants Steiner, but it’s no go, because he’s suspended for using the Recliner on Thunder. Man, there is absolutely no way that Russo is booking this, because they’re doing a pretty decent job of making me want to see Steiner & Awesome. Awesome wants Steiner, he ain’t around, so he hurts innocents. It’s just that simple. Anyway, Awesome calls out Steiner again, he no shows, he has the ref ring the bell after a count of 10. Awesome says he’s 2-0 against Scott now. Rick shows up to defend his brother.
Instead of a battle royal, it’s a gauntlet. Nash has to run through everyone to get Goldberg, I’m assuming. But then the good guys come running out, and it turns into a battle royal. Nash takes them all out, just as Goldberg shows up for a Bret Killer. He’s gonna spear Nash, but the MIA distract him and attempt to pull him out, giving Nash the leverage to do so himself. They hit the outside and try to do battle as they’re pulled apart, and the show ends.
Nash wins the battle royal in 3:00 | *
Showcase Showdown: Honestly, not only was that the best WCW 2000 show, but it’s one of the best wrestling shows I’ve seen in a long time. With the exception of the Vampiro match, all the others were great. The angles moved along at a pace, and they actually managed to serve my interest for Bash at the Beach. I’m honestly shocked at this. When we started this whole project, I never thought for a second there would ever be a show, let alone a string of them that would have me interested in WCW. This is actually a show worth checking out, and I can’t believe I’m saying that.
Bash at the Beach is up next, and let’s just pray that Russo isn’t there, so the pay-offs for all of these matches are worth wh—….oh wait….Bash at the Beach 2000?…oh…oh man, that’s right. FUCK.