Exclusive Big Bang Theory script!

Clearly, I’m a huge Big Bang Theory fan! It’s so well written, and clever! Not to mention unbelievably original.  So, because I’m such a big fan, I occasionally find some exclusives. What I’m about to post is part of a script from an up-coming episode that even has notes written from the super brilliant Chuck Lorre! I hope you guys enjoy it! Bazinga!


[Scene: Inside of the guys’ apartment. Everyone is there except Penny]

What should we do tonight guys? [Note from Chuck Lorre: We should have him with those hair tassels that Jewish guys have. Also, can we get Steve Allen as his father? because he’s super Jewish.]

We could try and go to another club.

 [Note from CL: I watched another episode of Saved By The Bell for tips on how nerds dress in real life, and these guys aren’t dressing real enough. Horowitz needs to have a bow-tie, and SUPER thick glasses! That’s so funny! They’re really smart, but can’t dress themselves! Just like real nerds! Oh, and maybe we can do an episode where he looses his glasses, but has to drive a car!]

I don’t know, there may be girls there again! They have boobies! And women scare us because we’re nerds! I need a bagel with a shtickle of cream cheese.

Females at clubs are odd. I find them rude.

What do you expect? Last club we went to you told a girl about cirrhosis of the liver. Including photos on your phone of a sick liver.

Well, I found it informitive.

Oh snaps! We gonna hit da club! I’m going to tell girls I’m Straight Outta Compton!

[Note from CL: See, that’s brilliant stuff. Because Raj is a nerd, and he talks black! I watch BET to learn stuff, and that’s how all black people talk, and they’re all gangsters & thugs, and Raj isn’t. We need to have him talk like that more. Also, I watched Revenge of the Nerds again to further study nerds, and we just aren’t hitting it hard enough. Someone needs a big goofy laugh, because I know all nerds have that. Also, I know Leonard is lactose-intolerant, which is funny because if he eats milk he’ll have to poop his pants, oh, that’s a great idea we need to do that for sweeps, or for series finale. Anyway, all the guys need to be really allergic to things. That’s what nerds are. They’re allergic to everything. Like Urkel was. Also, at times if I put something in quotation marks, it means we have to come up with something ]

Well, whatever we do tonight I have to be home early to help my mom with “something super jewish”.

[Note from CL: We need to hurry up and write a story where Wolowitz’s grandmother moves in. Because what’s funnier than a guy who’s in his 30’s, with a decent income who could live by himself, living with his mother? Living with his mom AND grandmother. And we can do funny stuff like Wolowitz’s grandmother’s dentures ending up in his bed or his girlfriend’s hair!]

It don’t matter when we get home, cause we can always see the lights of the good year blimp which will read that Raj is a Pimp!

[Penny enters. She’s upset, and has a bad looking haircut]

Penny, what’s wrong?

Leonard, I swear you’re wearing the improper perscription in your glasses. Clearly Penny is upset over her poor choice of haircut. It looks like Picaso painted it. Also, it shows off her stumpy neck. That’s why you’re upset, right, Penny?

[Note from CL: PERFECT! Whoever wrote that gets a raise! See, it’s so funny that Sheldon is super smart, yet has no social skills! It’s so funny. I know it’s funny because it’s already been done hundreds of times!
And you know my motto, if it’s been done to death, let’s do it again!

Penny, do not worry, I would still like to get my freak on with you. So why don’t you back that thang up?

Raj, shut up. Now come with me down stairs to do laundry. Mine is broken, and my mom says if I didn’t do my laundry than I can’t wear my new Superman yamika to Temple.

Ooh, I’d pop a cap in your moms!

I’ve never understood why popping a cap is bad. Are you going to offer someone a beverage? That hardly seems threatening.

The Notorious S.H.E.L.D.O.N ladies & gentlemen.

[Note from CL: Oh my God! People are so going to be LOLing and LMAO! Matter of fact, that Notorious SHELDON comment made me ROFLMAO!

I’m Sheldon James, bitch!

[Note from CL: I wrote that line! Honestly, that is perhaps the funniest thing I’ve ever written. Because instead of I’m Rick James, bitch, Sheldon says it! And Sheldon is a total dork! You know, that last line was
so great, I think the episode should just end there. I can’t come up with anything funnier. No way. I know it’s only about 6 minutes in, but who cares. Let’s just throw in some old footage. So long as there’s a problem in the show that isn’t resolved whatsoever, and we get 20 seconds of laugh track per .5 seconds of dialogue, then we’re on track! I’m Chuck Lorre, bitch!]

I hope you guys enjoyed the exclusive! What a great show! Only super smart, and super awesome people watch it!


~ by Caliber Winfield on June 19, 2013.

5 Responses to “Exclusive Big Bang Theory script!”

  1. So you claim to be a writer and then you violate all the ethics by posting an upcoming script online? Complete and utter moron.

    • Yeah, I’m gonna have to agree with my buddy Sebastian, Jake. You’re a complete idiot. It also goes to show how pathetic Big Bang Theory is that I can write that crap up in less than 5 minutes and dolts like you believe it’s real.

  2. HAHAHAHAHA How do people get this stupid!? Jake… you fucking idiot, its not really a script, its supposed to be a parody on how bad the Big Bang Theory is you complete and utter moron. The fact that you didn’t get the sarcasm is the best part.

  3. Have you ever had sex?

    • Great, you’re a Big Bang fan. Well, as a massive comic book fan, as well as a BBT fan, I’m sure you know a ton about sex. I’m sure you’ve read lots of Rated M comic books, and thought the boobies were very cool.

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