Monday Nitro – October 16th, 2000 – Sebastian
Live from Australia again, and the crowd is fucking packed. This is 1998 levels of arena, fucking crazy compared to the levels its usually at. I didn’t really notice how low the crowds were before tonight, jeez.
1st Match: Boogie Knights (Disco Inferno and Alex Wright) vs Sean O Hare and Mark Jindrak
Jindrak and O’Hare are really good big guys and have been growing on me lately. I wouldn’t mind seeing them in a program with Kronik. [Note From Caliber: I would] O’Hare and Jindrak jump the Knights in Shining Boogie, but the small guys take control and work over O’Hare. Jindrak hits a cheap shot on Disco and O’Hare gets in control. Tag to Jindrak and a nice dropkick. Jindrak with a whip but he eats an elbow from Disco. Disco goes up top but O’Hare kicks him. Jindrak with a rana from the top for two. O’Hare in and they do a double atomic drop. This match is at a maniac pace, I haven’t been able to stop doing play by play. Really shows that Jindrak and O Hare weren’t traditional, boring, slow big guys. However, the match doesn’t have time to breathe so nothing really means anything and sellings kinda thrown out the window. Boogie Nights end up hitting their finishers and have the match won when Kronik come in and chokeslam both guys. O Hare with a senton on Alex Wright for the win.
DUD Everything was way too fast paced to mean anything and O’Hare, and Jindrak look like bitches because they needed Kronik to attack to small dudes, who never win, to beat them. Lame sauce.
Sanders says he doesn’t want any Haterade up in ‘dis bitch, and Nash says he doesn’t want anything to do tonight. Right after Nash says he doesn’t want to do anything Sanders gets into an argument with Ernest Miller, and Miller ends up booking Nash vs Sting in a lumberjack match. Kinda funny.
Lance Storm comes out and cuts a pretty funny promo talking about how he’s tired of Australia, and how if he has to see one more cricket match, or hear one more, good day mate, he’s going to be sick. The crowd gets pissed and chants something that you can’t really make out but that is almost defining in how loud it is. Storm sells it like he just found out his dog died, his eyes bulge out and he just becomes so angry he doesn’t even sing the Canadian National Anthem.
2nd Match: Lance Storm, Jim Duggan, and Elix Skipper vs MIA (Morons in Austrilla, according to Madden)
Rection, who’s not in the match, attacks Storm on the apron. Security throws him out…. why wouldn’t Rection take the place of one of the other members of MIA if he wanted to get in the match? Madden complains about Storm being attacked, and one of the commentators who probably debuted last show, says, “Maybe he’s the third man.” Even though MIA already has three people on their team. Fucking moron.
Into the action now, Elix with a belly to belly to Chavo and he tags in Lance who eats a boot from Chavo and Chavo rolls him up for two. Chavo looks fucking stupid wearing those black pants. Why can’t anyone in MIA wear actual wrestling tights? Some stupid shit happens and the big MIA guy grabs a chair but Storm dropkicks the chair into his face, to get a two, but then he rolls into the Half Crab for the win.
DUD Match was only about five minutes and really blew except for a nice suplex fight between Chavo and Storm that I didn’t mention because it was only about five seconds long. I would love to see those two wrestle, that match would kick ass! Both guys can do technical and high flying, fast paced stuff.
Shane Douglas comes out with Torrie Wilson and does the cheap heat thing, talking about how USA is so much better than Australia. Really great sign that says, “Bret Hart Rulz.” Anyway, Douglas calls out the Filthy Animals. Konnan, Rey, and Tygress, and Konnan talks and cuts the most basic promo ever. “I don’t think its okay to have a handicapped match with you, because you’re already mentally handicapped! I’m gonna kick your ass in Melbourne, Australia (place fucking explodes),” Rey and Konnan then run down to the ring and attack Douglas.
Douglas rolls to the outside and gets some mace from Torrie, and uses it on Rey and Konnan. They handcuff Konnan, and Torrie is next to Konnan and Konnan grabs Torrie and starts choking her out! [NFC: And then Konnan Konnan’s Konnan in the Konnan?] What the fuck? Konnan’s one of those trashy dudes I could totally see beating up women in real life, and I’ve heard he was one some wrestling blog for a while, and just wrote racist bullshit. Anyway, Shane gets Torrie out, and beats up Rey and Konnan for a while to set up the mixed tag team match on PPV.
Nash has a jacket that says Big Daddy. Rad.
Oh My God, this episode has a Tootsie Pop commercial! THEY’RE DELICIOUS AND LOW IN FAT!!!!!!
Heh heh, that’s not the only thing that’s delicious and low in fat [NFC: Gatorade?]
3rd Match: Mike Awesome and Crowbar vs Shawn Stasiak and Chuck Pulambo
Whenever I think of Chuck Pulmabo I think of that horrible angle he did in 2007 with Jamie Noble. I think they wrestled each other like eight times in a row, each Smackdown. And it was this really, really stupid angle were they were fighting over Michelle McCool’s love. And I think that Pulambo kept on winning, but that made McCool love Noble more which pissed of Pulambo. And the angle just kept on going, and going, and going. And I think it was for the Cruiserweight title, which doesn’t make any sense because Chuck Pulambo isn’t a fucking Cruiserweight! Out of all the wrestling angles on Smackdown I remember that one the most, why would my brain do that to me?
To the match, Pulambo eats a shoulderblock from Mike and Crowbar in, who does a Lionsault. Shawn comes in, and they bring Mike to the outside. Shawn holds Awesome but Awesome moves and Shawn eats a baseball slide from Pulambo. Crowbar with a plancha, and then Crowbar with a frogsplash to Chuck. Crowbar goes to the top but Chuck catches him in a sick ass electric chair which Crowbar sells really well. He might’ve actually landed badly there. Shawn in with a back elbow and a sick ass pancake kind of FU Suplex. Chuck in and catches Crowbar with a flying headscissors. Crowbar takes control on the outside and does a nice rana to Chuck. Legdrop off the aporn onto Shawn for two. Awesome in and a shoulderblock off the apron. Shoulderblock into the corner and Awesome goes up top but Chuck catches him. Shawn goes up top and hits a really nice superplex for two. They’re playing up the angle on commentary that Shawn and Pulmabo are green, and don’t work together well but they’re actually meshing together quite well in the match until Shawn accidentally hits Pulambo. Awesome and Crowbar make short work of Shawn and Awesome frogsplashes him for the win.
3.5/5.0 Pretty rad match, everyone meshed together really well, and Awesome and Crowbar looked like real threats. Shawn and Pulambo still hate each other, and Nash comes in the ring and tries to make them work it out, but they’re still pissed off at each other.
Shane Douglas is being interviewed backstage and calls out Booker T for a title shot. Torrie tells Pam not to hate her because she’s beautiful. I’m just saying I’d totally bang Pam over Torrie. David is trying to get a match with Bagwell at Halloween Havoc but before Sanders will grant David the match, Sanders has one very important question. “Have you been drinking the Haterade?” The way he says it is so cheesy and ridiculous, I love it. David says he wants Bagwell in a DNA match, have no idea what it means but I’m going to assume its how Matt Morgan was born. Secondary joke is that the objective of the DNA match is to make the other person orgasm first.
Kwi Wee beat Johnny Bull in a less than a minute with a monkey flip, as Bull had an injured leg. Not worth a headline or bold, really. If Bull was this injured why would they let him wrestle? Actually, I heard in the 80s, before the roids investigation the doctor in WWF would give roids to anyone who was even slightly injured. “You have a broken leg? Here’s some roids. You have a sprained pinky? Here’s some roids. You’re feeling depressed? Here’s some roids.” Of course, Jericho says the doctor in the ealy 00’s was a crazy guy who thought that to heal yourself from a bad injury, the way to do it, was to say sorry to the injured body part, and that the body part would accept your apology, and heal itself. So, what I’m trying to say is, the wrestling companies have never really had the best medical staff so I suppose this angle isn’t totally unrealistic.
Ernest Miller comes out to the ring, dances, Sanders interrupts, they throw lame ass jokes at each other (Miller goes to fucking yo’ momma joke) and Kronik come out…. Goldberg’s song comes out and Goldberg goes through the fans into the ring. I actually do want to watch them fight, so there’s something to look forward to at Halloween Havoc. [NFC: Really? Cause I don’t. Goldberg wins, then their biggest, meanest tag-team was beaten by one man. Kronik wins, and who cares? 2 guys beat one. Booo to this angle] Sanders tries to make Kronik leave but one of the members of Kronik, the guy who’s lesser on the mic, grabs it and cuts some promo that doesn’t even make sense, “We beat people up for free… but we’re going to fight you at Havoc because we can get more money.” The other member is a lot better on the mic, and pretty much just hypes the match, and says they’re going to end Goldberg’s new streak. Goldberg says they’re next and both sides start advancing but security stops them from doing anything.
Can you dig it? Sucka.
4th Match: Shane Douglas w/ Five Buck Tramp vs Booker T (C) for the World Heavyweight Championship (Scott Steiner on Commentary)
So I guess Shane Douglas saying in an interview that he wants a title shot equals him getting a title shot. Scott’s on commentary complaining about some chick with acne or something. Steiner is really annoying on commentary as we have bleeps every five seconds because he can’t stop cussing. Crowd gets pumped for Booker. Booker goes for Shane but Shane hides in the ropes forcing the Referee to break it up. Lock up and Booker goes to a headlock into a wristlock, back into a headlock. Shane whips out but runs into a shoulderblock. Booker gets a knee from Shane and Shane rams Booker into the corner. Shane whips Booker into the corner but runs into an elbow and Booker hits a kick, then a superkick. Booker with chops on Shane but Shane whips Booker allowing Torrie to grab Booker’s foot. Shane sends Booker to the outside with a clothesline but Booker takes control on the outside until Shane reverses a whip and sends Booker into the rail Press slams Booker into the rail.
Shane goes up to the top……. and hits a delayed clothesline from the top for two. Chinlock from Shane, man, I never realized how boring Shane is in the ring until now. Extended chinlock into a backbreaker like submission but Booker powers out as the fans go batshit. Shane hits him from the back and hits him with a pancake suplex. Shane with a neckbreaker. Shane chokes Booker…. man, Shane is so boring. Scott sounds like a total moron on commentary saying he can’t understand why the fans like Booker. These actually sound kinda shooty, as he talks about even though the fans are supposed to hate him they like him, and how he understands why the fans like Goldberg but not Booker. Booker gets out of another chinlock sequence and hits a running neckbreaker which sends both guys down. Both back up and Booker hits a spinebuster for two. Booker kicks Shane and hits him with a Scissors Kick into the Spinaroonie, into the side kick. Shane rolls over to Torrie who gives him a chain, Shane hits Booker with it… Kidman runs in for some reason…. Scott fucks up Kidman…. Konnan goes to fight Scott… Jeff Jarrett comes out… back in the ring and Shane comes off the top with the chain but Booker catches him with the Book End for the win.
3.5/5.0 Shane was really fucking dull in this match, his moves were the definition of boring but that somewhat helped the match as you really wanted to see Booker get his offense in, not only because Shane’s a good heel but also because you wanted the boredom to end. I like the addition of all the odds being against Booker, with the chain being added because it really does make Booker look resilient. Booker is a great babyface with a really exciting style and I can’t help but find myself rooting for him in his matches. He’s very sympathetic and he’s not overplayed to the point were you think that he’s impossible to beat. He’s still very vulnerable and he always has that chance of losing, making the match that much better. Pretty good match, that was somewhat brought down by Shane’s dullness, it was almost a kind of default Booker match, it had everything in it to be good but nothing to push it to that next level. I’m sure Booker’s match with Steiner at Havoc will be a lot better.
Fuck yeah 2000 commercials. So there’s this Keystone Light one, which involves some dude drinking regular beer and being such a pussy about it his face literally changes into a big blob. The commercial is basically saying, if you’re too much of a pussy to drink anything that tastes bitter, drink Keystone Lite. I don’t drink beer but I do drink black coffee and I fucking hate people who are all, “I can’t drink black, it will hurt my vagina.” If you’re going to drink, be a man about it. You think Rambo would drink Keystone Lite? Frank Castle? I think even the Care Bears would be too embarrassed to drink “Lite” beer.”
Zerex will work for five years, which is longer than Caliber’s computer was supposed to last. Real Play TV changes you, you can do such crazy shit like PAUSE LIVE TV! HOLY SHIT! Some boring ass talks about College Football and Baseball. THIS GUY DOESN’T EVEN NEED A VHS TO RECORD THINGS! This Dad then creepily watches some chick run down a beach slowly with his son.
Scott Steiner has some interview, and basically sets up his match with Kidman tonight. Kidman’s going to die. Man, this Interviewer chick has some big assed tits. You can buy WCW Mastercards, and the promo has Buff Bagwell at a beach with like five chicks. I know what you’re thinking, why were there only five chicks with Bagwell? The thing is, I was actually at the beach and the rest of the women were busy mobbing me.[NFC: Because they mistook you for Mean Gene?]
5th Match: David Flair vs Goldberg
Man, Goldberg is gonna get killed. I mean, obviously Goldberg survives somehow because he has a new DVD coming out, but how he lives is beyond me.
David hits a couple moves on Goldberg and pins him with ease.
Nah, just fucking with you. David tries some offense but Goldberg swats him off, hits the usual stuff and wins.
This Interviewer chick has some huge tits.
A commercial about a guy who likes his car more than his wife. Rad.
Scott Steiner comes out and says he picked up a saying in Australia, Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy, something about them being white trash, and then profanity. One of the fans tries to attack Steiner but gets his ass kicked. I’m pretty sure it was a plant as the commentators are pretty nonchalant about it and it happens before the match. Talking about the match….
6th Match: Scott Steiner vs Billy Kidman
Kidman with a dropkick but runs into a clothesline that sends him flying. Elbow drop by Steiner and a press slam to Kidman. Honestly, considering that Steiner’s going up against Booker at the PPV, shouldn’t he be wrestling someone that’s like, also big to show how much of a threat he is rather than throwing Kidman, who hasn’t beaten someone important in like…. ever? Kidman gets two moves in and the rest is, actually pretty exciting, rad offense from Steiner who does a multitude of suplexes. Pretty cool to see him mix it up.
The Halloween Havoc promo is pretty rad, when I was little, and never watched wrestling I always thought Sting looked badass, and scary. I actually remember originally thinking that he was the evil guy, because of his black wear and face paint, and thinking that Hogan was the face because he’s this blonde, bright wearing, normal guy. I think WCW made these picture books for kids talking about that feud and it was pretty cool. Anyway, the point is Sting was pretty big in the early 2000s.
7th Match: Jeff Jarrett vs Konnan
I’m rooting for Jarrett just because Konnan’s been annoying all night. [NFC: Don’t you mean “Konnan’s been annoying all career”?] Konnan hits Jarrett with a clothesline, sending him to the outside. Jarrett brings Konnan to the outside and hits him with a different kind of chair, not a steel one but rather like little kids, grade school, desk kinda chair. Back in the ring and Jarrett and Konnan trade roll ups but Jeff ends it with a clothesline. Konnan comes back with a facebuster and hits Jeff with his ass. Then Tygress comes in and tries to put her vagina on Jeff’s face when Shane, and Torrie come just to over complicate this shit. Jeff ends up hitting Konnan with the Stroke.
DUD Bleh, match could’ve been okay if Jeff had done a work over on Konnan, and Konnan had been made to look like a real threat but instead we got three minutes of action, and then an overbooked mess for an angle that no one gives a shit about.
Kevin Nash made his own beer. I’m going to assume its better than Keystone Lite.
Main Event: Kevin Nash vs Sting in a Lumberjack Match
I could not care less about this match and its bullshit that Nash is getting a main event spot again, for absolutely no reason. [NFC: You could put that sentence in any Nash match from 1995-2003, and it wouldn’t be out of place] But at least we don’t have to see Sting vs Vampiro again. Nash with knees and he clubs Sting down with punches. Into the corner and knees. Nash’s offense is just so slow, repetitive, and dull. He does three super slow elbows to Sting and then chokes him in the corner. Sting rolls out and hits punches in bunches, sending Nash to the outside. The MIA attack Nash and then throw him back in. Sting works over Nash’s legs and brings him down. Elbows to the leg, and the crowd is pumped for Sting. Sting goes to the Scorpion Deathlock but the lumberjacks pull Nash into the ropes giving him a break. Sting goes for a Stinger Splash but Nash puts his leg up, making a pretty cool visual just because of how big Nash is. Sidewalk slam by Nash for two. THIS MATCH IS SO BORING! Fans get behind Sting. Nash hits Sting with Snake Eyes and drops his legs over Sting on the ropes. You can really tell how much Nash diminished in just about two years, compare this to any match he might’ve had in 98 and you can see a big difference. Steiner comes out and Booker and Steiner fight. Meanwhile, Nash is doing a boring ass chinlock. The lumberjacks all fight and Sting comes back with THE POWER OF THE PEOPLE! Sting with clotheslines and a whip. Stinger Splash and a dropkick into the referee, and then Stinger hits a splash on Kev who’s on the Referee, ko’ing him. Jeff runs out because every match needs to be overbooked tonight. Jeff hits Sting with the guitar and the Ref counts the pin.
DUD So fucking dull I couldn’t see straight.
Final Thoughts: This show was decent, but so unbelievably dull. No storylines were advanced, and while technically okay it was very unmoving. It was a defacto show, you had Booker wrestle an evil guy, evil guy cheats but Booker wins. Meanwhile heels do evil things and beat up people to set up for the ppv. Everything was very chalkboard and thus, very boring. Basically, the problem with this show is that it was stuck in a point were they didn’t want to advance anything, which is the problem with the WWE right now. Technically good, but very, very dull. And the main event was put up for no reason. Nash doesn’t need to have a main event spot, he’s not doing anything at the PPV. He’s just so horrid in the ring at this point that its like watching a snake eat someone. And of course, he gets to over. Ugh, the show wouldn’t be so depressingly mind numbing if it wasn’t for that main event. While the show was dull storyline wise it still had this fast pace to it were you did want to see what happened next, and the main event was slow compared to any other match on the show. It took the momentum the show had, and raped it, and shot it in the leg. I’m not sure what I’d prefer, a technically good show that’s dull, or a show that’s so bad it isn’t dull. The Australia crowd did lend this show to have a little fun and that, mixed with Russo taking a break, is why the show had some actual wrestling. Its also why all the storylines were put on pause.