More Bad-Assed Themes & Intros From My Childhood


A while back I wrote a brilliant article chronicling my all-time favorite cartoon theme songs from my childhood. It was originally intended to be longer but I split it in half and saved the others for when I didn’t feel like being creative and could just throw some new product out there. That time is now, baby. These following ones aren’t ranked, nor are they displayed for just their themes, because well, some of the themes suck. It’s a mix of theme and out-right badass-ness. Tomatoes busting your shit and teenagers turning into teenage-werewolves.

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes – September 8th, 1990 to November 23rd, 1991

Man, late 80’s early 90’s was constantly busting your ass with awesomeness. I mean, you got people sitting around today trying to come up with lame-ass cute monsters that nerdy, creepy adult males train as pets and fight with other nerdy, creepy adult males. But back then? Guys were doing shit like looking around their kitchen and thinking “Man, what if those tomatoes were kicking the shit out of me?”. This cartoon is similar to Toxic Crusaders, as they were both based on cult, B-movies. Hell, Toxic Crusaders is another example of people having balls. The Toxic Avenger is one of the goriest, most offensive films ever, and they turned that shit into a kids cartoon that included video games and a line of action figures.

The Karate Kid – September 9th, 1989 to December 16th, 1989

Holy shit! I would pay absolute top dollar to see a live action scene from one of the original Karate Kid’s where Kumiko is flying a plane, Mr. Myagi is HANGING UPSIDE DOWN off of it, and grabs Daniel who’s riding a torpedo! Just think of the context of the original films, and come the cartoon they practically have Mr. Myagi being the first person to actually punch someone through a phone call. Hopefully they paid top dollar for the theme song too.

Batman: The Animated Series – September 5th, 1992 to September 15th, 1995

Honestly, I truly doubt we’ll ever see a greater cartoon than Batman: The Animated Series. As it is, most cartoons are obviously created for children, and for the most part don’t appeal to adults, unless they’re creepy like Uncle Joey, and the kids who grew up watching them only go back for nostalgia. However the creators behind Batman put so much quality into the animation, score, story, and acting that it appeals to anyone with decent taste. It’s bloody fantastic, and I truly doubt we’ll see a day it’s topped. Hell, just look at that intro! The first time I saw it, when it was over I thought I’d just had sex.

Hammerman – Sept 7th, 1991 to December 7th, 1991

All I have to say about this one is: how the HELL could anyone say that Hammer sold out? I mean, what rapper since the beginning of time hasn’t had a Saturday morning cartoon where he gets a pair of supernatural shoes that enable him to fight crime with the power of music?

Mr. T – September 17th, 1983 to September 6th, 1986

I’m willing to bet Mr. T wishes pretty bad that it was 30 years ago. A time when he didn’t look like a celebrity edition of Bad Grandpa. When it wasn’t laughable that he had a cartoon where he fought crime with a gang of gymnasts, Danny Partridge as his side-kick who dressed like him, and a dog with a mohawk. Not to mention he’s throwing alligators, doing 32 front-flips on a pair of skis, and chucking giant logs into the ground to create a ramp that sends enemy cars a flyin’. There were also cut-scenes where the real Mr. T would tell us about how drugs suck, and how apparently gymnastics was the key to life. Also, I bet they hired the same guy who did the Karate Kid cartoon theme to do theirs.


~ by Caliber Winfield on December 3, 2013.

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