Monday Nitro – December 11th, 2000 – Sebastian
This review is later than normal, and fucking A’, it was hard getting this review to you guys. Originally, I couldn’t send the review because my Internet on my computer was being awful, and I didn’t have a flashdrive. Then, I got kicked out of my house and had no access to my computer that I had this review stored under. And for the last three days I’ve had a fever of 103.7, and still have it right now as I’m typing this. I ended up finally going to my Mom’s house, borrowing a flashdrive from a friend, and then getting this damn thing to you guys. Look at all the work I do just to get this review to you guys. See, I really do care.
This is the last Nitro on my torrent, and while I’m going to bust my ass to review Starrcade for you guys, if you’ve been following lately you know that my Internet’s been shit lately and that means this could be my last review for this site. While Caliber and I have been talking about other projects (Raw’s from 2002, more DVD Reviews) I still think the end of 2000 Nitro is very important, and I’m going to somewhat miss reviewing these mostly horrible shows for you guys. Thank you for reading, following, commenting, and giving us feedback. Without you there is no us, and its for you guys (because lets face it, what women would read reviews on Nitro from 2000?) that I’m reviewing this. Caliber looks at the site statistically and says we have a small, but loyal fanbase, and thank you all for being loyal, and coming back whenever we updated. I know its been tough following us, our early stuff was pretty bad, and we never did make a consistent schedule for when we were going to update, along with sloppy torrents and having to trust Youtube/Dailymotion there’s a lot to criticize the site, and us, the writers for. However, if I could ever make you envision how bad a show was, or recommend a match to you, or make you laugh… or even disgust you….as long as you’ve never been apathetic, or totally bored by what I was writing, then I’m doing my job correctly. So, again, thank you for reading, and also thank you Caliber, for giving me the position to write for this site, and being a good friend too. Since this could be the last Nitro I eve review I’m going to try to stick as many Stooges references as I can, so c’mon Nitro, Gimmie Danger. [Note From Caliber: Meeemories, from the corners of my mind. Misty, watered-colored memories, of the way we were…”]
We get clips of Steiner fucking up everybody on Thunder, telling Ric Flair to make Vicious come out. And opening intro. This Nitro is from Tuesday for some reason. I’m curious as to if that helped their ratings or not. [NFC: or not] Flair comes out to the ring and talks about how Nitro’s live. Wow, a live wrestling show! HOLY SHIT! I didn’t know something that crazy could even exist! [NFC: Well, you have to remember that back then, live wrestling TV shows weren’t even 5 years old. Even then Raw would still tape every other Raw] Flair says that the people he took out of Nitro last week are allowed in this week. He says they’re not going to fight tonight though, because he’s saving it for Starrcade. If any of the superstars attack their opponents for the PPV tonight they’re going to be suspended, including Scott Steiner. He then says that Sting might be here tonight with a baseball bat, and Booker T might also be there… and Arn Anderson might be there. If all of them just team up on Steiner and beat him up for two hours, I’ll give this show the highest rating possible. Flair sets up Steiner vs A-Wall for the main event (Jesus) [NFC: AWOL? Put Steiner in a match with an actual wall and it’d be just as interesting] when Mike Sanders came out. Sanders says he’s going to make a match when the fans start chanting something, but the sound quality on my torrent is pretty bad so I have no idea what they’re chanting. I wouldn’t be surprised if its asshole.
Sanders waits for the chant to die down and sets up a three way tag team match for tonight, Palumbo/Stasiak, Jindrak/O’Haire, and DDP/Nash. Flair reacts by strutting randomly and then tells Sanders that Sanders is wrestling Sid tonight. If Sanders doesn’t wrestle Sanders will lose his Commissioner job, [NFC: So Sanders has to wrestle and Sanders will wrestle Sid and Sanders will lose his Commish Job if Sanders doesn’t win when Sanders wrestles because he’s Sanders? Sanders.] and if any of the Perfect Event interfere they’ll be fired. God, this show already seems really, really uninteresting. First off you have a bunch of guys at Starrcade that can’t wrestle tonight, lame. You also know that none of the faces are really going to kick the shit out of Steiner because they have to save the element of douche heel getting his ass kicked for the PPV. The main event is Steiner/AWOL which is going to blow, a triple tag team match that I’ve already seen, and Sanders vs Vicious. Just complete apathy on every level, feels like a Death Trip.
Steiner attacks Kernal Cajun [NFC: Dude, it’s Colonel. He’s in the military, not a bag of popcorn. I’ll let you blame this one on the fever] because he doesn’t have any Shake Appeal. Sid’s backstage and he’s cutting his usual batshit insane, nonsense promo. He’s basically saying he can’t touch Steiner, but then says he’s going to make Steiner pay. How is he going to make him pay if he can’t do anything tonight? And its not like its Steiner’s fault for making the no contact stipulation.[NFC: $10 says he does something to his car]
As Lance Storm is coming out for his match they advertise a Christmas Lance Storm shirt, that just has a bunch of pictures of Lance Storm on the front, and then says “Don’t Blame Canada…. Blame Yourself,” on the back. I need one, right now. Lance cuts a promo, and challenges Ernest Miller, if Miller loses he has to sing the Canadian National Anthem on Thunder. That’s not like, that degrading. I’d sing the Canadian Anthem, its not as if by singing the Canadian Anthem you hate America, and are a commie or anything, its not 1959. Maybe if Ernest Miller was Rambo, or something but other than that I don’t see how that would be that big of a deal. Ernest comes down to the ring and tells Lance he’s a Power Ranger, but then raises the stakes to if Storm loses he has to sing the American National Anthem. Now that would be interesting.
1st Match: Lance Storm and Major Gunns vs Ernest Miller and Ms. Jones.
Ernest starts a USA chant and then tags in Ms. Jones. That kinda makes Miller look like a pussy. Jones circles around to Storm’s corner, and Storm distracts Jones, which allows for Gunns to hit a dropkick. Gunns with some of that girly hair pulling shit. Ms. Jones hits a high kick, and Gunns bails. Tag to Lance, and the men are in. Storm and Miller do a criss cross but Miller gets an elbow off a botched somersault. High kick by Miller for two as Gunns puts Storm’s foot on the rope. The girls get into a fight on the outside, and the Ref is distracted… Jim Duggan throws in a 2 X 4 that Miller gets a hold of, and ko’s Storm with it for the win.
DUD Match could’ve been good if Storm and Ernest had time to wrestle but it was all SE bullshit, and the match was only about three minutes long. Way too rushed.
Mike Sanders is backstage talking about how he could totally whip Sid’s ass if he wanted too, and then adds Kronik to the big tag team match later tonight for DDP/Nash’s title. Fuck, yes. Crowbar with Daffney goes on the commentary table. Daffney is wearing a summer dress for some reason. Norman Smiley says he realizes why his career isn’t doing as well as it should be, and that’s because he needs to be in the hardcore division. Um, wasn’t Norman Smiley in the hardcore division earlier in the year? Norman makes an open challenge to anyone and Meng comes out with Paisley. Paisley’s hair is so 1970.
2nd Match: Norman Smiley vs Meng
Norman has brought a trashcan full of weapons into the ring that the camera didn’t catch before. Meng throws Norman around, and brings him to the ramp. He throws Norman into the rails, and then fights into the entrance area. Norman takes a bag full of toys… or weapons or something, from a Santa in the crowd. Meng doesn’t give a fuck and continues beating up Norman anyway. A bunch of punches, and man, even Santa Claus couldn’t make this match interesting. They fight back into the ring…. and then Santa Claus actually gets in the ring, and throws white powder at Norman and Meng. Meng attacks Paisley thinking its Santa… and then Santa unmasks and its Terry Funk. Jesus, this is so fucking stupid. Terry Funk hits Meng with a steel chair. Unfortunately, it doesn’t end there. Funk then says he’s going to give the crowd eleven ho’s, and then yells the word ho eleven times. Terry challenges Crowbar to a match at Starrcade, so Crowbar accepts, and Terry hits him with a chair.
DUD So many brain cells were lost in that last segment. Who the fuck gave Terry Funk an important spot on a big PPV in the year 2000? [NFC: He got one in 2006 and helped tear the house down] Its just Not Right.
The Harris Brothers are eating a lot of sandwiches but swerve, The Filthy Animals put something in their sandwiches! Ohh, Billy Kidman, Your Pretty Face is Going To Hell. Steiner cuts a promo talking about how he’s going to kick AWOL’s ass. It really is stupid to have Steiner wrestle competitive matches, and then have Sid do absolutely nothing, its makes me connect and sympathize more with Steiner because he’s the one I’m seeing kick ass every week, and Sid’s just some lazy, tall batshit insane guy who’s getting a shot at the title, and gets a basic jobber match against Sanders. Sanders comes out to the ring for his match against Sid, and he’s not dressed for wrestling. He says that he’s not medically cleared for the match when Sid comes down to the ring. You can tell a match isn’t going to happen because Sid is also dressed in street clothes. Sanders tries to just shake Sid’s hand and not wrestle the match, so Sid fakes him by accepting it, and then elbows Sanders in the face.
3rd Match: Sid Vicious vs Mike Sanders
Sid hits a chokeslam and a powerbomb for the win.
5.0/5.0 A classic for the ages.
Cut backstage to Sid pushing around some security guy because he won’t give him the keys to a car or something. The commentators have no idea why he did that. Cut to Kronik walking backstage when Reno and Big Vito attack them, when the Natural Born Thrillers break it up. Kronik says they broke the deal and leave. So, are you telling me that Kronik aren’t wrestling tonight. I think… I’m going to cry. Fucking Italians have to ruin everything.
4th Match: DDNash vs Sean Stasiak/Chuck Palumbo vs Mark Jindrak and Sean O’Haire
Palumbo and Stasiak team up on Nash early, and hit a double suplex to him. Palumbo and Mark are in, and Nash hits a double clothesline, and tags in Page. Page is a house of fire and takes out Stasiak and O’Hare, but gets hit with a low blow by Sean. Jindrak and O’Hare just splash into Page who’s laid up in the corner. More importantly then all of that though, I put way too much tuna in my salad, and not enough croutons. [NFC: Oh man, one time I ate an entire box of garlic croutons in a sitting. It was one of the greatest days of my life] Anyway, Page gets the hot tag to Nash after a sleeper spot, and Nash is kicking some ass but can’t handle the DAMNED NUMBERS GAME. Page comes in and hits a Stunner to… someone…. and fuck this match is overbooked, everyone’s in the ring. The match ends when O’Haire hits Nash with a belt for the win.
2.0/5.0 Decent story wise for a little bit, I liked the suspense of if Nash/Page were going to overcome the odds but the match was again, way too rushed, and overbooked. If you have two tag teams teaming up on one you don’t need the two teams to cheat like motherfuckers to win. Just absolutely ridiculous, but it could’ve been fun if booked right. So far this Nitro has been No Fun, my babe, no fun.
5th Match: Sarge Dewaybe Bruce (Given specific instructions to Search and Destroy) vs Goldberg
The story here is that the Sarge was Goldberg’s instructor in the Power Plant, and that Goldberg is going to have a tough time fighting him, and deuce for Sarge. Goldberg tries talking Sarge down from wrestling the match when Lex Luger comes down, and says that Sarge can’t touch Luger unless Sarge wins, and if Goldberg loses this match he’s fired. Interesting dilemma here. Sarge punches Goldberg in the back a bunch of times but Goldberg refuses to do anything back. Shit, this is the most vulnerable I’ve ever seen Bill. Goldberg takes punishment for like two minutes, and then gets tired of it, and hits a spear. Bill tries to leave but the Sarge grabs Goldberg’s boot, and tells him he has to finish it, so Goldberg finishes with the suplex thing for the win. After the match Goldberg picks up Sarge and walks him backstage.
DUD Interesting storyline but pretty predictable. Never seen Goldberg this vulnerable though, this actually fleshed out his character a little bit, and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, or a bad thing, honestly, as Goldberg’s whole character is built on mystique.
6th Match: Shane Douglas vs Corporal Cajun
Shane Douglas is without Torrie, as he left her at the Funhouse. He probably needed a break from her because she was so Loose. Cajun is a house of fire with dropkicks, and a scoop slam for two to start off. Stiff suplex for two. Cajun brings Shane into the corner and hits some chops. Rana to the outside and a plancha. Cajun throws Shane into the commentary table and something I just noticed, the Nitro 2000 table looks really fake, and plastic compared to the WWE commentary tables. Cajun brings Shane into the ring were Shane finally gets something in with a powerslam for two. Double clothesline spot and both guys are down. Chavo runs down to the ring and tries to give Cajun a chair, and Cajun is trying not to take it, but then sees Shane Douglas running at him with a chain, so he hits him in the gut with a chair for the DQ.
2.0/5.0 Decent wrestling for the four minutes they were given before the bleh ending.
The Harris brothers are feeling the laxatives that the Filthy Animals put in their sandwiches, and Jeff Jarrett is making them come out with him for his match. Jeff Jarrett interview and the Harris Brothers are in the background holding their stomachs. Gene asks them what they think of the match, and Ron says that if he moves something is going to happen, and then the Harris Brothers leave while Jeff looks around confused. Interesting way to separate Jarrett from the Harris Brothers I guess.
7th Match: The Filthy Animals vs Jeff Jarrett and maybe the Harris Brothers if they can get over their constipation
Ron and Don go down to the ring, but then just end up leaving because they’re too constipated [NFC: For the record, constipation is when you can’t shit, these guys have the completely opposite problem]. Jesus. If there’s one thing I really don’t want to be thinking about while I’m watching a wrestling show is two bald, redneck dudes taking a shit. Ugh, its just so gross.[NFC: Well, as a pallet cleanser for everyone, imagine the hottest girl you can. Are you picturing her? Just take a sec. Think of her. Now think of her taking a massive diarrhea type shit. I mean, a total bowl-breaker. Ah ha. Suck it.] Konnan starts off the match as a house of fire. And then Rey and Kidman go in randomly, and Jarrett starts kicking some ass. He throws Kidman over the rop, and takes out Konnan with a stroke to eliminate him. Kidman drapes Jeff over the top and Rey hits a legdrop off the top for two. Jeff reverses a whip into a delayed suplex. This match is going to be pretty lame is Jarrett really gets to go over all of the Filthy Animals. Jeff goes for a powerbomb and Rey tags Kidman as he’s getting powerbombed. Dropkick by Kidman, and a rana, and then Kidman goes up top with a frogsplash for two. Rey dropkicks Jeff into the corner, and Kidman dropkicks Jeff in the balls as Rey hits a Bronco Buster. Jeff crotches Rey on the ropes and then reverses a bulldog into the corner into a backdrop suplex. Ref gets ko’d somehow by Rey, and Jeff takes out Kidman with a guitar shot, but Rey hits a roll up for the win out of nowhere.
3.0/5.0 Pretty interesting, the story here was pretty weird and the ending made even less sense but it was still a lot of fun, and Jarrett got to look good without looking overly dominant.
Main Event: Scott Steiner w/ Midajah(C) vs AWOL for the World Heavyweight Championship
Scott stops to cut a promo, and tells Flair he should consider himself a really lucky man. He tells him that if Flair tries to strip him of the title, he’ll go to his house in NC, and kick his ass. Steiner also says that he’ll kick Sid’s ass just like he’s beaten everyone else. The Raw Power of Steiner’s promos are almost a little too much for me. AWOL comes down to the ring by himself, why aren’t any members of the Not Glenn Danzig Club with him? [NFC: They’re hanging out with their mothers] AWOL Needs Somebody Too. Wall with punches in bunches and a clothesline. Wall runs into a boot and Steiner comes out of the corner with a belly to belly suplex for two. I know what you’re thinking, Steiner doing belly to belly suplexes? In what universe? I know, I’m pretty shocked that he’s not doing Aja Moonsaults and Twisting Braincrushers per usual myself. I’m assuming Steiner’s going to try a different style than he’s accustomed, but of course, its going to come out like the five star technical masterpiece it always is when Steiner’s involved. This guy can do it all, high flying, technical, brawling, even psychology mixed in with amazing storylines, and previously noted notes from other stories. It really amazes me how Steiner does it every night, and of course, that is why everyone on the Internet loves, and reveres Scott Steiner. Of course he didn’t really get good until after he got injured in the late 90s. When he started to get big was when he really started his technically proficient, charasimatic, genius personality that he is today. Anyway, enough about the man, the legend, the best there was, there is, there ever will be, Scot’n Steiner, its time to go back to this amazing match! AWOL goes outside and gets a table, which he sluggishly brings in the ring. Steiner boots AWOL in the head as he’s coming in, and brings him in. Steiner with more boots! Whip into the corner but he eats an elbow, and A-Wall hits A CLOTHESLINE! He follows that up with a press slam for two. Wall picks up Steiner for the chokeslam and… hits it! Damn. Wall takes time to set up the table instead of pinning him. Steiner fights out of the second chokeslam, and hits a T-Bone suplex through the table, and time for the Steiner Recliner for the win.
DUD Damn boring and slow. Sid Vicious comes up on the titantron, and challenges Scott to fight him outside the arena, which is okay I guess because Flair only said they couldn’t fight in the arena. Steiner walks outside and for some reason this Ref follows Scott outside and tries to talk him down. Scott brought his baseball bat and tries to hit Sid with it, but Sid doges and hits Scott with some punches. Sid goes for a powerbomb on a car but Scott hits a low blow, and then hammers Sid with punches, as the commentators pimp the ppv to end the show.
Final Thoughts: Pretty bad show, it wasn’t horribly offensive but none of it was really good except for the handicapped match. Sting and Booker being left out of the show again really hurt it. You had some promising matches that ended up being rushed, or ruined for SE reasons. I somewhat like the weird psychology with the Sarge/Goldberg match but it was more something weird to watch as a side attraction rather than anything with real quality, and then you had the already mentioned great handicapped match, and the terrible main event. What’s sad about this Nitro, and a lot of Nitro’s from 2000, is that they could’ve done so much better. There’s so much promise, and so much tease with what could’ve been, but every time they have something good it ends up getting ruined, either because of egos, or bad storywriters, or whatever. WCW in 2000 needed someone to regulate control, whoever thought it was a good idea to let Scott be champion, and to look as good as he did is either a complete idiot, or is named Scott Steiner. How much more interesting would Nitro have been at this time if Booker T was still the World Heavyweight Champion and was going to wrestle Sting at the main event of Starrcade, or maybe Goldberg/Sting for the WHC, with the added stipulation of if Goldberg loses his career is over, and maybe add the same stip for Sting, just to add some unpredictability, and stick Booker with Jarrett. There’s so many different possibilities they could’ve had, and so many different things they could’ve done to spark interest for their biggest show of the year Starrcade, and having Scott Steiner/Sid Vicious as the main event was not the best thing they could’ve done. I don’t even think Vicious was hot property at this point, and Steiner’s just in the position he’s in due to crazy ass power grab. The buyrate could’ve been SO much bigger if the poster was Goldberg/Sting, Career vs Title, or something like that. It really saddens me that this company keeps on having things thrown in its lap, and misusing it. Back when I first started reviewing these shows I just figured the whole year was going to be awful garbage, but that’s not really true at all, it ended up being more of that there were great things in the show, but they were overshadowed, or portrayed to be less important, then the horrible shit that was supposed to be important. So I don’t know, looking at this whole year was very interesting, but at the end of the day, its just damn depressing…. and stupid from a money point of view. By the way, Stacy Keibler, I Wanna Be Your Dog.