Starrcade 2000 – Sebastian & Caliber
I was only able to find a few matches, so I reviewed what I could, and did Notes From Caliber for the rest. Do enjoy, and I promise you won’t have to wait this long again.
I feel so fancy, I get to use Microsoft Word instead of its lame ass brother, Word-Pad (which has no auto-correct, or even multiple pages). Yay me, and I actually downloaded this PPV on a torrent instead of the usual youtube/Motion bullshit. And to top it all off I’m getting super spoiled over at my Grandma’s house. I have cigs, my pills, Black Sabbath, torrents, cable, porn… shit what more could I need? Oh, yeah and I’m going to graduate this Friday, and then I’m moving to Washington were I plan on stalking Caliber daily. So as you can tell I’m in a pretty decent mood right now, so let’s move on to something that will piss me off and depress me, namely WCW in 2000.
Holy fuck, the quality on this torrent looks really, really good. If I knew how to post on the site myself I’d give Caliber some screen caps because this torrent looks really, really nice. It’s a fuck load better than my shitty VHS WCW 2000 Nitro torrents, that’s for sure. The show starts off with the basic video packages for the big matches tonight. Have I told you that I’m totally apathetic toward Luger/Goldberg, and Vicious/Steiner yet? [Note From Caliber: Rest assured that you were the ONLY one who felt that way] Chavo Gurrerro comes down to the ring to do commentary for the first match of the night…
1st Match: Three Count vs Jamie Knoble and Evan (not Johnny) Keragias vs Jung Dragons w/ Lia Meow – Ladder match for a shot at Chavo Gurrerro’s Cruiserweight Title
I actually just saw this match because it was on the Best of WCW PPV Vol. 1 (which was a great DVD) and this match is pretty decent. One of the Dragons and Shannon Moore do some cute spots, and then botch a hot spot as both guys fall on their faces. Moore with an armdrag and he goes for the ladder but Evan cuts him off, and throws him back in the ring. Why would you even bother stopping him? You need the ladder to get in the ring eventually anyway. Oh, by the way, for some reason this match has started off like a regular tag team match with two guys in the ring even though it’s a fucking a ladder match.
Shit starts to break down, and the Dragons almost get the titles but Knobelly Keragias [NFC: What? Who the hell is Knobelly?!] cut them off. They double team one of the Dragons and hit him with a backdrop suplex into the ladder that’s pretty botched as the guy lands on his neck. Now, the rules here are that only one person can win the match to get a shot at the title (well not really, as you’ll see at the end) so Knoble and Evan start fighting each other. This allows Shane Helms to come in, and he hits a plancha to the outside, and then everyone starts jumping on everyone else on the outside, while inside the ring Knoble is climbing the ladder but one of the Dragons tips the ladder over sending Knoble onto everyone else on the outside. The Dragon sets up a ladder as a plank onto the other ladder, and then eats a powerslam from Evan. Shane jumps onto him from the ladder, and now Shane Helms, and Knoble are on the ladder that’s acting as a plank. Huge neckbreaker off the ladder taking out both guys! Not much of a story going on here but a fun spot fest… which is pretty much what you’d expect.
Some other spotty shit happens, Shannon Moore, and one of the Dragons are on the ladder fighting each other, and Moore hits a…. either really lazy clothesline or a really lazy neckbreaker taking himself and the Dragon out. Knoble’s the only man in the ring, and he’s climbing the ladder, but Lia Meow comes in and stops him from getting it for some reason. Evan in, and the Dragons come in, and do a double team powerbomb to him. The Dragons use four ladders to create a scaffold to go get the titles (looks a lot like the one from the TLC match were Edge and Christan won the titles) but Three Count come in, and take out the Dragons by throwing them into the scaffold they just set up. Knobelly Keragias [NFC: Here he is again] come in and take out Three Count. Evan almost gets the titles but the Dragons throw him from the ladder to the outside! One of the Dragons is fighting with Shane Helms but Shannon Moore takes him out with a cool rana by grabbing the ladder. And then Three Count run up the scaffold, look at each other, and then grab the contract for the shot at Chavo… together.
3.5/5.0 Pretty fun spot fest with not that much else substance to really cover for it. There wasn’t really any story being told here. However, I do like the result of the match because it allows for a couple different possibilities. They could do the boring route, and have “Three” Count start fighting each other during the triple threat match, and then end up losing to Chavo due to a roll up or something, or they could do something much more interesting, and have them both beat Chavo, and have two champions. Or they could have one of them win the title and then feud with each other for it, which would give us some time to flesh out their characters some more. I mean, I don’t really know why I’m going so far into this, it’s not like we’re going to be reviewing Nitro from 2001 anyway. [NFC: True! We will never, EVER do a review from 2001. EVER]
Lance Storm walks in on Jim Duggan polishing his wood. Storm tells Duggan that Canada is his future or something, and then leaves. Jeff and the Harris Brothers walk up to Sanders, and change their match tonight to a street fight, and bunk house. Kronik are in a steam room together. Fuck yeah!!!!!! They’re talking about how they’re going to get paid up front tonight because Kronik aren’t sissies who use credit cards, or any of that lame shit. [NFC: Yeah, they aren’t sissies. They just wear leather pants, silk-disco shirts, and take steams together]
Lance Storm comes out with Major Gunns and Elix Skipper and he asks if he can be serious for a minute. Storm congratulates America for doing what Canada did in one day, finalize their final election. He then says that the rest of the world was laughing at America because the man with the most votes lost. Dude, if any liberal heard this promo they’d consider him a face because he’s super right. Gore did have the most votes in the 2000 election, and lost. That’s a fact. I blame Ralph Nader though, without him Gore would’ve had enough States to win. Anyway, Ernest Miller comes out, and says some stupid shit, and then starts dancing in the ring. Miller’s new music is fucking horrible by the way, it sounds like really depressing, lazy, repetitive jazz.
2nd Match: Lance Storm vs Ernest Miller
This show is from Washington DC, so we’re getting a lot of USA chants going on. With this high quality torrent you can really see how much better shape Storm is in then Miller. Shit, Storm looks pretty sexy. He probably got laid a lot around this time. [NFC:Storm brought his wife with him to Kentucky during the SMW days, so I imagine no] Miller just looks like shit. Miller does some of super fake ass karate kick shit, that looks even more fake due to the high quality torrent. Storm and Miller take it to the outside, and Gunns and Ms. Jones get in the ring, and are about to get down to it, but Miller and Storm stop that from happening. Gunn’s ass is eating her shorts; it’s pretty hot, actually. [NFC: You can find videos online of her ass eating a lot of other things]
Storm with a jaw breaker, and then yells at the fans, “This is how you wrestle, in Calgary!” and then Miller reverses his suplex into a roll up for two. Sleeper spot which Miller elbows out of and he’s a house of fire. Inverted atomic drop from Miller, and he goes for a clothesline but Elix Skipper cuts him off with a clothesline. Ms. Jones tries to attack Storm on the outside with a MMA kick but she misses and accidentally KO’s the Ref. Ms. Jones throws Gunns into the guardrail and back into the ring, as the Ref has woken up. Miller with more lame ass kicks and he gets a two count. Storm reverses with a nice Northern Lights suplex for two. Jim Duggan comes down to the ring, and since its in DC the fans totally stop paying attention to the match and yell USA. The Ref is totally distracted by… something, and Duggan walks in, and begrudgingly hits Miller in the back, allowing Storm to hit the Canadian Maple Leaf for the win.
2.0/5.0 Pretty bad actually, most of the match was dominated by Miller who blows dick, but at least Gunns was wearing super short shorts, and Storm went over. Some stuff happens after the match but its too depressing to even bother comment on, so I’ll just leave it to Caliber. [NFC: Well, lotta good that did you!]
Crowbar tells Daffney she should wear some cool 70s duds like he does and then goes to wrestle for his hardcore title, when Terry Funk attacks Crowbar and we’ve got a match.
3rd Match: Terry Funk vs Crowbar (C) for the Hardcore Championship
Funk is actually pretty stiff here just ramming Crowbar into everything. They fight into a truck, were Crowbar gets the advantage by hitting Terry with… something. This match is lulling me into total apathy, and my torrents from XWT won’t load for some reason, so I took some time to do a bandwith check.
…And, I still couldn’t find what was wrong with my torrent. Downloading this show was so easy, I don’t know what the fuck the problem is. I’m like, afraid to delete them, and re-download them because of the XWT ratio shit, but I might have to if it’s not working in a couple hours. Jesus, you people really want me to get back to the match? Well they’ve finally walked to the ring, and Daffney has been screaming this whole match. I really can’t stand her screaming, it is just so obnoxious. I guess Terry handcuffed Crowbar when I wasn’t paying attention, and Funk sets Crowbar up on the table, and goes to send him through it by jumping on him but Daffney moves Crowbar. Crowbar gets the advantage by choking Funk out with the handcuffs, and then sets Funk up on the table. Crowbar with crossbody through the table to Funk for two. Both guys go back in the ring, and Daffney throws a chair right at Funk’s face, giving Crowbar another two count. Funk has a chair and just wallops Crowbar with it, and then hits a piledriver to Crowbar on the chair for… the win. Really? Kind of a random ending, but I guess it’s acceptable because Funk used to have a piledriver as a finisher. Schivaone asks the most important question of them all. “Is Daffney right? Is the 70s gimmick making Crowbar soft?” Do you know how many unprotected chair shots Crowbar took to the head? He is not soft.
2.0/5.0 Match was pretty fucking boring for the whole backstage part, so boring in fact that I didn’t even pay attention to most of it. But when they got to the ring area the match really started to pick up, and the whole changing face/heel dynamic was pretty interesting, and I actually wanted Crowbar to win because he’s fighting a crazy ass old dude with his hands tied behind his back. If the match had been around the ring the whole time, it could’ve gotten a higher rating.
Alright, Mean Gene’s interviewing Storm, and I guess I’ll mention what happened earlier in the night. After Storm’s match with Miller, Storm and Skipper attacked Duggan even though Duggan is the reason Storm won the match. So far so good, but then Miller came down to the ring, and beat up Storm and Skipper by himself, and then spared Duggan, even though Duggan is the one who cost him the match in the first place. Gene asks Storm why he attacked Duggan, and Storm says that once an American, always an American and that Storm has known for a month now that Duggan’s days in Team Canada were numbered, so he just wanted to use him for one last job. What a total badass.
4th Match: Vito and Reno w/ Marie vs Kronik
KRONIK!!!!! FUCK YEAHHHHH BITCH!!!!! THEY’RE HERE TO BREAK NECKS AND CASH CHECKS!!!! [NFC: AND TRY TO QUENCH THEIR UNENDING THIRST FOR MAN FLESH!!!] Kronik say that to Marie, and tell her to pay up after the match. Vito and Reno actually get the advantage early, and Reno takes Adams to the outside, and takes him out. Reno to the inside now, and punches in bunches to Clarke. Tag to Vito, and a sledgehammer from the top. Clarke with a pumphandle slam for two. Chops from Clarke, and some knees. Clarke eats a kick from Vito, while Adams talks to Marie about the money on the outside. Vito tries to jump on Adams, but he catches him, and holds him, while Clarke does a nice dive to Vito. Adams in now, and he chokes out Vito. Vito with somersault for two. Vito gets caught with full nelson slam from Adams, and Clarke in now. Clarke brings Vito in the corner and hits some kicks. Backdrop suplex from Clarke for two. Hiptoss into a chinlock….. and oh shit, The Perfect Event, or whatever that giant ass tag team with Sean Stasiak and Jindrak, and shit, come out to the ramp. Both members of Kronik in, and Vito, the retard he is, tries to suplex both of them, which obviously doesn’t work out that well for him as both members of Kronik make Vito eat a big boot.
Vito and Clarke do the double cross body spot and both guys are down. This whole match is very… off. Everything about it is just wrong, the pacing, the timing, the flow, there’s none of that. It’s just off. Vito gets the hot tag to Reno but Reno hits his finisher on Vito (SWERVE!!!) and Reno pins Vito…. for the win? The fuck?
2.0/5.0 Usually I love Kronik, and I enjoy Vito, so this match should’ve been pretty decent but it was just off. They couldn’t get a flow going at all, and it made the whole thing very awkward. There wasn’t much of a story, and it mostly felt like they were passing time ‘till the end of the match. This was an angle advancement match so of course the whole match itself felt pretty unimportant. Kronik hit their finishers on Vito after the match, and Reno throws bags of money at them. Shit, I’ve given everything on this show two snowflakes, except for the first match. Let’s see how long I can keep on doing that for.
5th Match: Bam Bam Bigelow vs Mike Awesome Ambulance Match
Okay, in Mike Awesome’s intro, for the whole 70s thing he has that thing for the Brady Bunch were it’s a bunch of faces. The thing is, The Brady Bunch was made in the late 60s, I mean it was still popular in the 70s but I wouldn’t think of that as a 70s thing, y’know? [NFC: Yeah, they should have done a Partridge Family type deal]
Ohh, just had a nice break to get some food in my system and some more caffeine, and now I’m ready to rock n’ roll. Bigelow and Awesome start this off on the outside. Bigelow with some chairshots, and they fight to the ramp. Mike blocks a chairshot to the head, and brings Bigelow over the ambulance. He brings Bigelow to the back of it to put him in, but Bigelow opens the door and starts ramming it, super fakey, into Awesome. Bigelow tries to punch Awesome with his face right next to the ambulance but Awesome dodges it, and Bigelow breaks the “glass.” They go back to the ring assuring nothing important is going to happen for a while so I can finish up my Pepsi Throwback (made with REAL sugar).
On the outside Awesome has Bigelow down, and pulls out a table. He sets it up so its pressed up against the ring. Awesome bring Bigelow next to the table and starts running at Bigelow to do…. something, but Bigelow reverses and hits a backdrop sending Awesome through the table. Awesome’s pretty fucked up at this point so Bigelow brings him to the ambulance, and throws him on the nose of it. Bigelow tears out the safety lights which Awesome grabs, and hits Bigelow a couple times…. when Bigelow randomly falls through the roof of the ambulance giving Awesome the win. What in the fuck? What a random ending. Bigelow is pretty retarded for standing on the ambulance though considering how big he is.
2.5/5.0 Decent little match honestly, kind of fun but the ending came out of NOWHERE and the crowd was just so dead, so it was kinda hard to have fun with this.
The Perfect Event are cutting a really lame promo were they try to channel Edge/Christan but just come across as really unfunny, and generic. Heh, kinda like me, am I right? Just joking, I’m great.
Shane Douglas comes out, and mentions again that Wilson isn’t out with him. I’m just going to reuse my excuse from last week and say he left her at the Funhouse because she was too Loose. Or maybe it’s because she was No Fun. Maybe she didn’t have enough Shake Appeal. I think Shane left her Down On The Street, mostly because she wouldn’t allow any more Penetration. Oh, I know you guys love these Stooges references (sound of crickets chirping).[NFC: BIG crickets]
6th Match: Shane Douglas vs General Rection (C) for the United States Champion
If Storm could barely get a good match out of Rection, I really doubt Shane can. Rection no sells some chops, and takes Shane to the outside with a clothesline. Rection with some punches on the outside, and he throws Shane back in as Shane crotches Rection on the ropes. The crowd is really, really dead here. Shane punches Rection three times in the dick but Rection no sells it, and Lil’ Natich’s reaction to it is priceless. Rection gets a bearhug and fuck this match is boring. This bearhug feels like it’s been going forever. To describe to how long this bearhug has been going on for, imagine waiting for a youtube video to stop lagging. Every time Shane moves the video works a little but, but Rection’s boring ass bearhug is the lag. Or something like that. This match is so dull that its making me want to listen to The Waitress’s, “I Know What Boys Like,” because it’s a lot more entertaining than anything on this show thus far.
Rection with a press slam to Shane to the outside of the ring. Jeez, Shane is taking pretty unnecessary bumps in this. And right after that Rection rams Shane into the post, and throws him back in the ring. Rection with punches in bunches, and a scoop slam. Rection goes up top for the moonsault and misses. Okay, something that’s been bothering me this whole match, Mark Madden keeps on calling Rection a fat ass. Um, Madden, you probably weigh like twice what Rection does. Anyway, this match ends in a really odd fashion. Chavo runs down to the ring and gives Shane a chain, Shane uses it on Rection, and then Chavo tells the Referee that Shane has a chain causing him to get DQ’d. Shane gets pretty pissed, and punches the shit out of Rection with it busting him open. Yeah, I don’t know what the fuck was up with that ending.
DUD Very, very boring. Rection is the face so he’s supposed to do the big, fast babyface coming back but Rection is slow as fuck, and he’s not big enough to be like, Big Show or Khali, and he weighs too much to be a normal wrestler, so he’s kind of stuck in the middle. Anyway, Shane would do the normal babyface beatdown, with slow moves, and trying to wear him down but Rection was too slow to make the babyface comeback entertaining so it ruined the entire flow of the match, and just made the thing so damn dull. [NFC: I am so happy, so very happy I couldn’t watch this show]
7th Match: Jeff Jarrett and The Harris Brothers vs The Filthy Animals Bunkhouse/Hardcore match
Mark Madden says that if the show ended right now it would be considered one of the best WCW PPV’s ever. Madden must be on some good shit. There is shit littered all over the ring, and outside. There’s like a dresser, a shopping cart full of soda cans, just all kinds of shit. People hit each other with shit and damn, this match doesn’t really have a flow or anything, this is also pretty fucking boring. And it’s also going to be a bitch to do play by play for.
Alright, Kidman sends Jeff through a popcorn maker, Mysterio hits a bronco busters onto both of the Harris Brothers. He tries to do it to Jarrett but Jarrett puts his foot up and Mysterio takes a low blow. Honestly, he kind’ve deserved it for trying to put his junk in another guys face. Jarrett goes to superplex Kidman through the dresser, but Rey gets back up, and hits a low blow to Jeff. Jeff and Kidman team up, and put Jeff through the super fake dresser (that of course, breaks on impact). Kidman with a bulldog onto on the Harris bros into a trashcan. Rey comes off the top with a Wrong Way street sign, and jumps onto the same Harris Brother. Kidman launches Rey into Harris, which sends him out with a dropkick… and then Kidman with a plancha to Harris on the outside. Jarrett in and Rey hits a rana, and tries to do some flippy shit but Jeff reverses into a powerbomb into a trashcan! That was pretty cool, actually.
For some reason the Referee starts enacting tag rules halfway through the match, and now we’ve got a normal tag match. What the fuck? Anyway, Jarrett in and he hits a dropkick to Kidman, and one of the Harris’s in. Bro tires to powerbomb Kidman BUT YOU CAN’T SAY 90S MISFITS IS BETTER THAN LATE 70S/EARLY 80S MISFITS and Kidman reverses with a rana. Kidman almost gets a tag to Konnan but Jarrett comes in and cuts him off. Sleeper by Jarrett, and well, you know the drill. Kidman does the babyface comeback and makes Jarrett eat a bulldog off the ropes. Hot tag to Konnan and Konnan is a house of fire taking everyone out, but then he runs into an H-Bomb from the Harris Bros. Jarrett and The Bros pull out a table and set it up in the ring. Rey Mysterio wakes up from his slumber, and starts kicking everyone’s ass with a broom. No joke, a broom. Where the fuck did he get a broom from? Rey sets Jeff up on the table and tries to send Jeff through it, but the Harris Bros catch him, and hit him with an H Bomb through the table! Kidman comes in, and sends the Harris Bros to the outside, and hits Jarrett with an unprettier. He goes up top but one of The Bros hits Kidman with a bottle, and Jeff gets the win off that.
3.5/5.0 Pretty good actually, my only complaint was the stupid switch between the hardcore rules, and then the tag rules. Disrupted the flow of the match big time. Other than that though, this match was a lot of fun, with the Harris Brothers being the big, scary guys and the Filthy Animals flying around everywhere, and kicking some lucha ass. And Jarrett was just kind of the expert who took a lot of damage but ended up winning due to experience and luck. Good job all around and a pretty fun match. The Sarge is getting interviewed by Buff Bagwell and then Lex Luger attacks Sarge to piss off Goldberg for their match later tonight.
The first thing that stands out is the selection of weapons, two of which are a bar, as in a bar that one serves booze at, and old time pop-corn machine. The match begins as a wild, 6 man brawl that’s done in pretty good fashion. Tygress is on commentary and says that “these props are like weapons to us on the street”. Well, it’s good to know that these are props and no one is actually being hurt. A shame Tony didn’t try and make a save of some sort there. Double J is the one to go through the bar via a double chokeslam from the 2nd rope. Jarrett eventually gets his revenge by powerbombing Rey from the ring to a trash bin on the outside. Soon after that, for no known reason, other than it’s WCW, the ref all of a sudden starts enforcing tags & such, turning this into a legit tag-match with hardcore rules. You’d think that it would ruin the flow of the match, but really, it doesn’t skip a beat, as these guys continue to go full tilt and give 100%. Rey soon makes a come back, but ends up powerbombed through a table, resulting in Kidman going for the babyface come back & win, but gets a beer bottle smashed againt his skull, followed by a stroke, and a pin.
I absolutely did not think there was a **** match waiting in the wings of Starrcade 2000. This one was fantastic, as these guys went out there and completely busted ass the entire time. There wasn’t a slow spot to be had, and they used a variety of creative weapons, moves, and spots. Not just the match of the night, but one of the top 3, if not the number 1 greatest match of WCW in 2000.
Jarrett hits the Stroke on Kidman for the win at 12:31 | ****
8th Match: The Insiders vs The Perfect Douchebags (C) for the World Tag Team Championships
Flair comes up the ramp and tells Sanders that if he makes one step inside the ring The Douchebags will lose the title. And its match time. Palumbo with punches in bunches to Nash which Nash just kinda no sells, and hits Palumbo with a series of clotheslines. Slow, lazy punches by Nash, and then some boring knees. Nash sucks so much ass, I can’t believe this guy got a major spot on a WWE PPV in a TLC match against Trips in 2011. I’m pretty happy that I’ve never had to sit through that, though I’m sure Caliber will read that and hatch some evil plan to make me review it.[NFC: I actually liked their match at TLC] Page in as the match picks up in pace by times ten. Nash goes under Stasiak, and crotches him on the post. Stasiak comes back with punches in bunches, but Page dodges an elbow with a belly to belly suplex for two. Page goes for a Cutter but Palumbo comes in, and hits Page with a superkick. Stasiak tags Palumbo in, and Palumbo with punches in bunches, and then he tags out to Seanny. Some punches and kicks from Sean, and another tag to Palumbo. Palumbo with a belly to belly for two.
Palumbo and Stasiak kind of suck at doing heel beatdowns. Palumbo does Page’s taunt, which wakes up Page, and Page hits some punches in bunches, but Palumbo cuts him off. A, “This is awful,” chant starts. This is WCW’s biggest show of the year and the crowd has been so fucking dead the whole time. So depressing. Palumbo kicks around Page some more, and does some more Page taunts which again wakes Page up. Page takes out both guys with punches, and is about to get the hot tag…………………. and then Palumbo and Page get into a brawl, and both guys are down. Fuck, this match is so boring. The beatdown was pretty badly done, and you can tell that Palumbo, and Stasiak are still way too green. Anyway, Page with the hot tag to Nash who comes in with sidewalk slams, and clotheslines, and then a big boot to Palumbo. Nash is actually really, really fast here. Nash goes for the powerbomb but Stasiak makes him eat a clothesline. Page back up on the outside and he hits Stasiak with a Diamond Cutter. The rest of the Perfect Douches come out, and Page tries to take them all out by himself but THE DAMNED NUMBERS GAME gets to him. On the inside of the ring Nash wakes up, and hits a powerbomb on Palumbo for the win.
2.0/5.0 Pretty fun near the end, but the rest of the match really sucked ass. Palumbo and Stasiak were really bad with the beatdown as they were constantly tagging each other, like literally every five seconds, and it just felt like a heat segment. Like they were wasting time ‘till the big hot tag rather than the middle heat portion actually being important. Fuck, this ppv has been pretty fucking lame so far.
9th Match: Lex Luger vs Goldberg Hardcore Match
Lex Luger is so fucking boring, I kind of wish this was just a regular Goldberg [NFC: Well, that’s basically what you’re about to get, just a few minutes longer] squash match, and that Goldberg would just beat Luger in five seconds. Now that would make me happy. Goldberg attacks Luger to start, and Goldberg’s pretty pissed off about Luger attacking Sarge. The main problem with this angle is that we’ve really only known Goldberg has been friends with Sarge for like two weeks, so it’s not that big of a deal to the viewer when Sarge gets taken out, however if Sarge had been a known friend of Goldberg’s on TV for a couple years this would’ve been a big deal but it just seems like a lame plot device, really. Not on the same level as, “What about your Sister, Punk!?”
Goldberg brings Luger in the ring after punching him all through the outside of the ring, and hits him with a stiff powerslam. Luger bails to the outside, so Goldberg follows him out, and hits some stiff looking punches. Goldberg tries to slam Luger into the corner, but Luger gets out and slams Goldberg into the post. Luger’s ass is also eating his shorts… and its well…. it’s not exactly the same as Major Gunns, I’ll just leave it at that. Luger brings Goldberg back in the ring, and hits him with some sledgehammer punches. Goldberg comes back and goes for the spear, but Luger grabs the Ref and uses him as a shield. Goldberg gets distracted talking to the Ref and Luger takes out Sarge, who just walked down to the ring, with brass kuncks., and then he hits Goldberg with them for a two count. Buff Bagwell comes in the ring and tries to hit Luger with the Blockbuster but “accidentally” hits Goldberg. Luger only gets two, and Goldberg makes his comeback, and hits his finisher for the win. Bagwell was attacking Sarge on the outside of the ring the whole time, and after the match he wallops Goldberg with a chair. SWERVE!!!!!
3.0/5.0 Surprisingly decent match, nothing that great but they kept it simple, and the story was good enough with Goldberg being super pissed off, which made him sloppy, and Luger got the advantage due to taking the low road, but Goldberg’s Goldberg, so he still wins. Totally acceptable, but nothing that great, but a lot better than the slug-fest I was expecting.[NFC: WHAT?! Half a point less than the Bunkhouse match? You’re crazy. I think you were digging Luger’s shorts riding up more than you were letting on]
As Goldberg makes his entrance, Tony calls him a “human cyborg”. So, he’s a human then. I imagine to make money on the side Tony tours with a circus freakshow that has acts such as The Bearded Lady Who Has Shaved, and The Two-Headed Man With One Head. Lex must have been in a post-cycle, or something, because he looks like shit. He’s very soft looking, and his arms are in a pathetic state of proportion to the rest of him. This match is No-DQ in hopes of making it some what decent, or interesting. It’s at least a good 5 minutes before Luger even lands a blow on Goldberg, and after his one offensive move, it takes a minute or two before he’s able to land another. Soon, Sarge & Buff come out, and after some distraction, Luger hits Goldberg with brass knux and then hides them, because it’s no-DQ. It’s pathetic, I mean, Goldberg can’t even take a bit of a beating from Luger? He’s a former world champion, and just about as big as Goldberg, yet he has to be crushed as well? At least after Luger eats a spear, Jackhammer and pin, Buff comes in and lays him to waste with a chair and poses for us.
Sebastian is nuts. This match was boring as hell, and nothing more than an extended squash match. Boo to this. Boo.
Goldberg makes sure to offer up the BILLIONTH spear & Jackhammer finish for the pin at 7:17 | *1/2
Main Event: Sid Vicious vs Scott Steiner (C) for the World Heavyweight Championship
The build up to this match has sucked so much ass. Even the promo video trying to hype this match makes it look like it’s going to suck. They’re playing some hard heavy metal to a video of Steiner and Sid slowly punching each other. LAMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!!!!!!!! Man, this is going to suck so much ass. Where the fuck is Booker T or/and Sting? Fucking…. I wish that WCW 2000 had had more Benoit, now that would’ve made these shows a lot more tolerable. Benoit probably made the wisest decision he could’ve though, everyone bitches that he had to job to Trips on his first night there, but dude, look where he ended up in just a short time. He was main eventing a PPV against Dwayne, and in the next year he had a main event level feud, that kicked ass, against Steve Austin. If he had stuck around in WCW ‘till it ended I’m not sure if he would’ve had the same position he ended up in 2004 due to WWE’s WCW bias.
Anyway, I’m trying to procrastinate so I don’t actually have to pay attention to this but I guess I should do play-by-play as it is the main event on WCW’s biggest show and all. Steiner and Sid go into a test of strength, which Steiner wins. Yeah, Steiner is a lot bigger than Sid so that makes sense. And of course as I’m typing that, Sid starts getting power… I guess from all the cricket sounds coming from the crowd, and wins the test of strength, and backdrops Steiner. Punches in bunches from Siddey and a big boot. Sid botches a clothesline spot with Steiner, and Steiner ends up eating the apron. Madejah hits Sid with a baseball bat as Sid went to the outside. Steiner with a couple chairshots to the back, and Steiner throws Sid back in. Steiner with a clothesline and Schivaone says, “Look at that Raw Power.” Hell yeah, it’s much too much. And I’m sure it will come running to you. This match is starting to suck so much ass it’s in a new dimension of sucking ass. Okay, its not really THAT bad I suppose. Sid tries to make a comeback but Steiner cuts it off with a big boot, and the Steiner Recliner. Sid grabs the ropes which are literally like a foot from him. Sid and Scott are just so fucking lazy in this match. Like, Sid is so slow, Steiner is actually looking good in comparison.
Steiner with another Recliner and Madejah goes up. Sid gets out of the Recliner and Madejah accidentally hits Steiner with a cross body. Sid hits a chokeslam for two. Fuck, three minutes ‘till this show is done. Thank God. Ref KO spot and Sid KO’s Steiner with a Cobra Clutch. Sid gets distracted with Madejah and Steiner grabs a baseball bat, and fucks up Sid with it. Lil’ Naitch comes down to the ring, and Steiner gets two. Jarrett comes down to the ring and accidentally hits Steiner with a guitar but Sid only gets two. Steiner hits a bunch of low blows, and then puts Sid in the Recliner… and this show has a minute left so I’m assuming Sid’s done. And yeah, Sid passes out, and Steiner wins to the delight of absolutely nobody. This crowd is fucking dead by the way.
DUD What a depressing ass way to end the show. I can’t understand why anyone thought that Steiner was going to make money. This match was of course way too slow, and sucked Rikishi’s (or substitute Kristina Rose if you wish) ass.
Final Thoughts: This Starrcade was really, really bad. I think someone was thinking that if they overbooked the show, and put every possible type of match on the show that they would be okay but the lack of quality, or anything even slightly excitable really hurts the show. Just objectively, from just about any critical point of view this show is pretty terrible. There is the fun spot fest to start off, and the pretty good Filthy Animals/Jarrett and Harris Brothers match, but those were just fun little midcard matches, nothing to take too seriously. However, what we are supposed to be taking seriously is just horrid, and depressing. How long term fans watched something that so just spat in their face all the time is beyond me. Even from a mark point of view this doesn’t really make that much sense to constantly put Steiner over because he’s the heel, and WCW has done a good job of making you want to see him lose. Literally, having Steiner constantly win appeals to no one but Steiner (and maybe the mentally ill). The rest of the show either seemed like filler, or was really easy to digest, predictable, and mediocre at best. I would say the show was disappointing but I never really had high standards for it in the first place. Just depressing garbage really. But hey, at least Lance Storm is still on the show.
We get some awesome pre-match build up, as they show clips from Sid’s promos, where he says such profound things as “Momma says that be the way it is sometimes” and “wrong place, wrong time”. Wow, if I’d seen this 14 years ago I would have bought this PPV 10 times. Match starts off with Scotty flexing, and challenging Sid to a test of strength. I honestly think he needed to do the test of strength spot because he got blown up while flexing. Not too much happens after that. Eventually we get to Steiner hitting Sid with the pipe, and then we naturally have to have Sid passing out in the Recliner. I’m always amazed at how kind Steiner’s opponents are to keep their arms tucked back behind Steiner’s legs, because he’s too stupid & lazy to do it himself.|
Sid passes out in the Recliner at 10:12 | *
The opening match along with the Bunkhouse Brawl save this PPV from being the worst of the year. It truly goes to show just how little WCW cared, or wanted to care at this point. Just 3 years prior Starrcade’s main event was 16 months in the making. 2 years prior it was 14 months in the making. This year? 3 weeks. 3 weeks with 2 of the lowest drawing champions in the company’s history. The year prior, one of the company’s biggest draws of all time was competing against one of the greatest of all time for the World Title. Year prior, he was in one of the biggest matches in the company’s history, that was basically 14 months in the making. This year? He faces Luger for no real reason.
Basically, a perfect way to cap off the year.