The Man Movie Encyclopedia – Predators

PredatorsHeaderIt’s back, baby. So pour a bowl of steak cereal, place the women in the kitchen, and enjoy the return of the burliest article series of all time.

We start with Royce [Adrian Brody] parachuting while asleep. He wakes up and sort of has this look like “Well, this fucking sucks.” He has an altitude censor that deploys the parachute attached to him, although it takes it’s sweet time, and he slows down just enough to not die. Once he gets his wits about him, he gets into a few tussles and shoot-outs with other castaways before they all decide to get along in order to find out who the hell put them there. There’s our boy Royace, then there’s a Mexican drug cartel enforcer played by the great Danny Trejo, a Russian solider with the Jesse Ventura chain-gun, a convict from death row, a man who’s part of an African Death Squad, a member of the Yakuza, a female sniper, and a misplaced doctor played by Topher Grace.

They venture around, trying to figure out just where on Earth it is they’ve been placed. However, they soon realize that they aren’t on Earth at all. After this revelation, they find a myriad of things that further tip them off as to what’s going on. First is group of cages with attached parachutes, in which they assume housed other-worldly creatures. Then they come across a patch of booby-traps, such as a dead-fall, spike pit, and what appears to be raining spikes. I don’t even know how someone would set that up. Serious, these spikes fall from all over the place, with a great deal of velocity. I mean, he might as well have had lazers shooting from ED-209s he created, and I would have had just an easy a time believing that. So, they find the soldier who set all this up, and figure out that it’s a game preserve, and they’re being hunted.

predatordogEventually they’re attacked by these awesome looking space-dogs. They seriously look like a cross between a lion and Doomsday from the Superman comics. Thick & burly, with a lot of elephant-tusk-esq type bones jutting out of them. They attack the squad, with quite a few put down before being called back I tell you right now, this squad would probably kill me after this, because if I put one of these space-dogs down, I’d INSIST they help me carry it, so I can take it back to Earth as a trophy. I’d be yelling “C’mon! I’m gonna get so freaking laid because of this! I’m gonna have it stuffed and turned into a scooter so I can ride it around town! Oh man, this is so cool. Quick, someone hold my camera phone and get a picture of me punching it in the balls!”.

Trejo is split from the pack, and we find him sitting in a field not far away, crying out for help.Right then I’d know something was afoot. Trejo? Crying out for help? I don’t think so. The only way he would be asking for help is if he had a Predator in some sorta wrestling hold, forcing the Predator to kiss his own butt and wanted me to take a picture of it. However, Royce says it’s clearly a trap, and they can’t help him. The sniper puts a bullet in Trejo to put him out of his misery, but even after that he still calls out. We then get a shot of Trejo from the front, and he’s clearly been dead from the get go.

They follow the dog-tracks to a camp clearing where they find other beings strung up, gutted & skinned, amidst fires. As they walk a little further, they find a Predator strung up on a monolith of sorts, finding it’s still alive. Before they can do any real research, a trap is sprung and the fellow from Somalia is impaled by multiple spears as the Predators who’ve been hunting them now make their appearance known.

The gang is able to escape, and the female sniper tells a story about reading a report from a Special Forces solider who survived an attack from one of these in the Guatemala jungle in 1987. They soon meet a guy named Noland [Laurence Fishburne] whose been around for quite a while, even managing to kill a few Predators himself. He invites them over to his swank little apartment on the upper east side, and before they know it, he’s trying to kill them via smoke inhalation in order to get their supplies. Royce gets the idea let off an explosion, letting the Predators know their location. Sure enough, they show up and take care of Noland, as well as the Russian. However, he got one of them as well as he was strapped with some grenades. The others escape, however a Predator catches up, at which point the guy who was an inmate tries to shank him to death, which is admirable, but I think the boxer who took on Jason had a better chance. Well, this does nothing but REALLY piss the Predator off, and he rips the guys freaking spine & skull out of his body in ONE pull! It’s freaking awesome. It was like he was starting a lawn-mower made out of flesh. You just KNOW that when he got back to the Predator home-land, him and his buddies are gonna go to a Predator-bar to pick up Predator-chicks, and he’s gonna be all “You should have seen it! This guy tried to shank me, and I was all, no way, man! And I literally pulled his spine & skull out through his asshole!”. At which point his Predator buddy will Predator-cock-block him and be like “Dude, you just grabbed it by the bottom and ripped it out. It was still cool, but you know, it wasn’t through his asshole” and the other Predator will say “Dude, you weren’t there. I so did. There was that one guy that almost killed you with a bag of wet human-hair!” and his friend would scream “No he didn’t! Why the hell would he have a bag of wet hair?! Asshole!”. You know, and so on.

predatorswordThe rest run off, but soon the member of the Yakuza draws his katana, and tells the others to move on. From that point on he makes sure he’s inducted into the Bad-Ass Hall of Fame by SWORD FIGHTING with a freaking Predator. It’s a great scene that takes place in a beautiful field, a fantastic setting for one of, if not, the coolest scene in the whole movie. It’s absolutely fantastic.

The remaining three are heading for the Predator’s ship, something they learned about from Noland, when the doctor steps in a trap and becomes hobbled. Royce wants to leave him behind, but the sniper chick won’t have it. So, Royce takes off while the sniper lends grabs the good DR and starts moving. He makes it back to the camp site where he cuts down the chained-up Predator in exchange for getting him a ride back to Earth. He agrees, and fires up the ship. However, the one who initially chained him up is back, and now it’s go time. The film continues to deliver some great fights as well as things we’ve never seen, as the Predators do battle in a great fight that sees the once-chained up prisoner get his head-cut clean off while Royce heads for the soon departing ship.

Predators-movie-imageElsewhere, the sniper and the DR have fallen into a pit. While she tries to figure out a way out of there, the DR cuts her with a scalpel that contains a CNS paralyzing agent. It turns out he wasn’t a mistake, and is in fact a serial killer. A monster who feels like he belongs on this planet. It was a fantastic twist, and one I didn’t see coming. However, before he can do any real damage, Royce shows up, as he’s had second thoughts about leaving on the big jet plane. That proves to be a good idea, as once his Predator co-pilot was decapitated, the other one blew up the ship. The DR thinks he’s got the jump on Royce, but he heard everything. He catches him with his own toxic-scalpel, straps a ton of grenades to him, and leaves him prone for the returning Predator.
Once he returns, he picks up the good DR and eats an explosion that sends him flying. Royce then starts up a giant ring of fire, and goes to town, clobbering the Predator, and having a round of fisticuffs before finally cutting his head off. As Royce and the sniper head off into the multiple-sun sets, they plan to find a way off the planet, as parachutes bloom in the sky.

Man Tally:
1-Liners:
0
People Beat-Up: 1
People Killed: 10
Swear Words: 71
Boobies: 0
Explosions: 7
Slow Motion Scenes: 2
Broken Bones: 0
A Chase: 4
Guy Get The Girl?: No
Smoking?: No
Shoot-Out/Fight At Motel?: No

MAN FACTS

Robert Rodriguez was asked where he drew inspiration to make the film, and he said he learned what to do from the original film, and what not to do from Predator 2, Predator vs Alien, and Predator vs Aliens: Requiem.

Trejo’s character was written in the script as “a guy who looks like Danny Trejo”. When he heard about this, he called up Robert and said no one looked more like Danny Trejo than him.

Brody was cast as the lead because if they’d gone with a bigger, burlier type it would have drawn immediate comparisons to Arnold. Once cast, Adrian busted his ass and put on 25lbs of muscle.

The plant that the good DR used to obtain the paralyzing agent has actually been extinct for over 100 million years. He addresses that as one of the many issues with the place they’re at, but it was cut from the film.

Before Nikolai blows himself and the Predator up, he says in Russian “you’re one ugly motherfucker”.

Rodriguez actually wrote the film in 1994 while working on Desperado. He presented the script to 20th Century Fox, but they turned it down due to the budget being too high.

Box-Office Business:
Released on July 9th, 2010, by Fox, Predators hit 2,669 theaters with an average theater gross of $9,277, adding up to $24,760,882 for the weekend and coming in at #3. After it’s 14 week release, Predators grossed a worldwide total of $127,233,108.

C’mon, Bennet, Let’s Party:
Not only is this the best sequel to the original classic, but I wouldn’t even begrudge someone who said they thought it was even better. Everything about this film is done right. You have a dark, gritty atmosphere, great characters that aren’t just set-ups for awesome death scenes, and fantastic special effects and burly-as-all-hell battle scenes. There’s so much right about this film that I feel like I could talk about it for days. It paid homage to the original without walking in it’s foot-steps, and delivered a film finally worthy of being connected to the burliest-of-all-time seminal classic. This film has everything that Uncle John needs, oh baby.

5 Head-Butts Out Of 5

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~ by Caliber Winfield on January 20, 2015.

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