Man Movie Encyclopedia: Enter The Ninja
Star: Franco Nero, Sho Kosugi
Year: 1981
Director: Menahem Golan
In the early 80’s, Cannon Films ushered in a new era in martial arts films. Bruce Lee lit the fuse on the explosion of kung-fu movies in the 70’s, and now Sho Kosugi & Cannon Films brought the pain of greatness, ninja films, baby, ninja films. Honestly, once that craze started, it never really went away. I mean sure, after the mid-90’s and such ninja movies weren’t in huge demand, but the ninja was still a big piece of pop-culture. Then all of a sudden we got two ninja in the late 2000’s, Ninja Assassin & Ninja. Hell, Sho was even in Ninja Assassin, and kicking ass.
Well, the film that got it all started is the mantastic classic, Enter The Ninja. A mustached white ninja grabs some titty, cracks some jokes, beats the hell out of people, does some rockin’ killing, and battles his arch nemesis. It’s fucking awesome, baby.
The film starts off with one of the greatest movie title screens ever. Honestly, I think children should have to watch this before class, as opposed to reciting the pledge of allegiance.
HA! Look at that smudge ninja, he thinks life is full of not getting kicked right in the fucking nose [except the stunt guy misses by a mile], and tadow! Here comes the white ninja to show him how life really is.
So, after such an intro, you wouldn’t start with some pussy backstory or something, hell no. You get right into the ninja action, and it does. The white ninja is running through the jungle, dispatching a troop of red ninjas that are being led by the same ninja who ate a boat load of the business end of the white ninja.
It’s pretty awesome, and on the level of Pray for Death & Revenge of the Ninja’s openings. So, we get to the ninja’s destination, a ninja camp of some sort. He kills the guards, and arrives at an old man who’s just standing on the porch, as if this is some every day shit. Well, the white ninja approaches him, bows, and cuts his fucking head off! If they would have just ended that movie there, I’ll tell you right now it would have swept The Oscars.
So, the white ninja creeps inside, and we find out this was all a test. The old guy who’s head was cut off comes walking in, with his fake head. He’s passed, so now he is a ninja. However, Hasegawa, the ninja in black, isn’t digging this gringo coming in here, plunking down his $24.95, and learning the way of the ninja. As the white ninja, now known as Cole, is walking around the secret ninja campground with his sensi, we see that the campground is surrounded by industrial buildings. I mean, does the person selling real estate look out his window and see ninjas beheading old dudes on the regular?
Cole is now off to see his buddy Frank, who lives in the Philippines. He enters his buddy’s land, and is approached suddenly by a blonde chick with a shotgun. She runs her mouth about something, so Cole apprehends her, and totally uses it as an excuse to grab on her boobs a bunch. It’s awesome. He then throws her to the ground, and goes inside to hang with his buddy, Frank.
Frank does what any good friend would do, he takes Cole to his plantation and puts on his best cock-fight! The only thing that bothored me, is; plantation? cock-fight for the guest? Why wasn’t Frank wearing his monocle & top hat?
Well, as it happens, Frank is being pressured to sell his land. The guy who wants it has his guys go and threaten Frank’s workers, and basically make things really hard for Frank. A few times Cole is present for these threats, and he gets his ninja on, dispatching peeps with the quickness. You also see what a rad friend Cole is, because Frank confides in his ol’ buddy that ever since the trouble started, he’s become a drunk, and can’t get his dick up anymore. Cole then proceeds to fuck Frank’s wife. I’m completely serious. Good thing Frank’s mom isn’t in a wheel chair, or something, otherwise Cole would build steps over her wheel chair ramp.
The guy who wants Frank’s land is Charles Venarius, an odd villain. He’s really over the top, always wears shirts that look like African-dashikis, likes to organize synchronized swimming, and demands that his underlings don’t talk directly to him. Well, he finds out that Frank Landers has a ninja, so he wants a ninja. One of his guys goes to a casting agent to find a ninja. I thought this was pretty interesting, because really, if you had no idea where to look, how would you find a ninja? Well, after some search they find a place that can fulfill such need. It just so happens to be the same school that Cole came from, and the ninja they hire? You bet cha’, Hasegawa.
His first order of business is to do away with Frank Landers. Hasegawa sneaks into the Landers’ estate, does away with the guards using the awesome hand-claws, and other such weapons that should be readily available at the Home Depot, but for some stupid reason isn’t. Frank isn’t afraid, because he’s always drunk and ready to rock, so he comes at Hasegawa with a baseball bat, and amazingly that doesn’t seem to scare him off. Had he brought his baseball shaped shuriken, then he’d have been up shit creek, but thankfully he didn’t. He gets all sorts of bad-ass and slits Frank’s throat right in front of Mary Ann. He then proceeds to burn down the plantation. This guy is worth the money you pay him.
Cole comes home to find Frank, floating dead in his swimming pool. He then has a flash back to when he and Frank were in the war together, and talking about what they were gonna do now that it was over. Frank talks about how he’s gonna find a good woman, and live to be 100. Cole then thinks about how he’s going to fuck Frank’s good woman.
So, Cole is all fired up now that Frank is dead, and Mary Ann has been kidnapped. He heads to where they’re keeping her, and does away with Mr. Venarius’ henchmen with a rad variety of ways. He uses shuriken, caltrops, blow-gun, bow & arrow, si’s, and of course his ninja-tao.
The end result of course, is the battle we’ve waited the whole movie for;
Cole vs Hasegawa
They actually end up fighting in a cock-fighting ring. It’s not a battle that’s on the level of Sho vs Braden from Revenge of the Ninja, but it’s damn good, and you don’t feel cheated. Funny thing is, Hasegawa asks to be killed with honor. Really? Does Cole owe him any favors? He tried to cock-block him getting his ninja diploma, and then he kills his best friend. If this were a modern movie, that cock would have probably gone to Cole’s and deleted all the bad-ass things he has on his DVR. Either way, he gets his head cut the fuck right off.
Official Man Movie Encyclopedia Tally:
1-Liners: 3
Guys Beat-Up: 40
Guys Killed: 32
Swear Words: 1
Boobies: 8
Explosions: 7
Slow-Motion Scenes: 10
Car Chase: 0
Chases on Foot: 3
Broken Bones: 4
Guy Get Girl: Yup, his best friend’s girl
Guy Smoke: Nope
Hotel Shoot-Out/Fight: Nope
1-Liners:
[Mary-Ann is frisking Cole]
Cole: Find anything interesting?
[There’s a gnarly dude with a hook for a hand, and Cole sticks it high into a post]
Cole: Hang around
[bad guy has followed Cole, Cole then grabs the bad guy, extracts info from him, and tells him to tell his boss he doesn’t like to be followed, as he turns around, the guy draws a gun and Cole gives him the neck chop because he’s a bitch]
Cole: I’ll tell’em myself
Box-Office Business:
I can’t find any info for the box-office business. But from the look of it, I’ll make a fair guess and say it cost about $100 million to make, and brought in $500 million at the box-office. It won 6 Oscars, too. I might be making all this up, but I don’t think so.
Man-Facts:
Sho choreographed all the fight sequences, and like his 80’s career, had his voice dubbed over.
Of the three, Enter, Revenge, and Domination, this is the only one shot out of the US.
Sucker didn’t hit DVD in the states until October of 2011.
Trailer:
Last Word:
This is a great film, honestly. Sure, it’s a bit hokey, and there’s quite a bit to laugh at, but that’s part of the charm. Amongst the camp, there’s actually some great fight scenes, and plentiful use of ninja. Franco Nero is actually a pretty cool leading man, who’s got a bit of charisma, and a really awesome voice. Whether or not it’s dubbed I’m not sure, but it rocks. Sho Kosugi is the fucking man as always, he honestly deserves a life-time achievement award sometime.
4 1/4 Head-Butts out of 5
Str8 Gangster, No Chaser 